


Decisions from the heart (and the head to work them out)

by anagabrielle, Sixtu16



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drugs, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Nerdiness, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-05-16 21:12:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 70,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5841178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anagabrielle/pseuds/anagabrielle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sixtu16/pseuds/Sixtu16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After staying all summer at her grandparents' house, Clarke has time to notice how her feelings towards her best friends had changed and  finds out she has feelings for her. Lexa doesn't have a clue. Clarke thinks nothing can get worse but then Lexa starts to date someone. </p>
<p>The story shows the development of Clarke and Lexa's relationship. </p>
<p>I do not own any character from this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, this is my first work here. I would like to point out few things:  
> 1\. English is not my first language, so it might have some mistakes related to grammar.  
> 2\. Since I'm from Brazil, some things will work like it does here. For example, we are allowed to drink when we turn 18, so it will work the same way.  
> 3\. Throughout story, you'll find some issues and some of them I hadn't experienced, however, I made long searches to write about each issue the best and consistent way possible. 
> 
> Without further, I hope you like this work.

Summer was almost over, fortunately. This would be an odd statement but we are talking about Lexa. Oh no, don’t get the wrong idea. It’s not that Lexa doesn’t like summer, she loved it, actually. Except for this one. No one can blame her, she has a good reason. Her best friend, Clarke, left the city to go to her grandparents’ house, right after her last final from school. They had been talking during all summer but it wasn’t the same thing, and Lexa missed Clarke a lot.

  
But today would be a good day. Clarke was coming back and they still had couple days before school.

  
They have been friends since they were kids and they had a very special friendship, mostly because of that. Clarke took Lexa to her grandparents’ house many times, but not this one. Lexa couldn’t go so she had to stay.

  
Clarke told Lexa that she would arrive before lunch, so Lexa already had some plans for the day. She got up from bed and headed to the bathroom. She looked at herself through the mirror. She seemed tired but a lot happier than the other days. She made her way to the kitchen, where she found her father.

  
“Morning, dad.” She greeted him.  
“Hi, Lex. Good morning.” He smiled at her. “Are you excited?”  
“Yep, it’s been miserable, feeling bored most of the time.”  
“I see. When are you leaving to Clarke’s?”  
“Lunchtime.” Lexa answered. “Hey dad, can I get a few bucks? I would like to buy take-out before I go.”  
“Sure.” He reached for his wallet and handed Lexa some bills.  
“Thanks, dad.”

  
She ate some pancakes for breakfast. She still had to find a TV show to watch later but she had no idea since she watched the most famous already. She made her way back to her bedroom and started to search for the TV show when someone placed its head in the gap of Lexa’s door.

  
“Get lost, Anya.”  
“Easy, little sis. Is this how you treat your favorite sibling?”  
Lexa rolled her eyes. “You are the only one I have. What do you want, Anya?”  
“Well, you know. Just checking on you.” She looked around Lexa’s room.  
“Do you wanna be useful?” Anya looked at Lexa and nodded. “Do you know any TV show that is pretty good and I can find on Netflix?”  
“I sure do, commander.” She entered the room. “Have you watched Sense8 already?”  
“No. Synopsis, please.”  
“I can’t really explain; all I can say is that it’s about 8 people connected around the world. Pretty good.”  
“Ok then. Thanks.” Anya winked and left the room.

  
After that, Lexa put on some jeans and a t-shirt, took her backpack with her laptop inside, making her way to the front door.

  
“Ok, I’m leaving.” She said to no one in particular and left her house.

  
Clarke’s house wasn’t far from Lexa’s, but she still had to buy lunch. The neighborhood she lived was great. Everything she needed she could find not too far from her house. Restaurants, groceries, ice cream, drugstore… She could find everything easily.

  
“Hey, Jim.” Lexa greeted the guy, after entering the Chinese restaurant.  
“Oh hello, Alexandria. Usual as always?”  
“Yes, but double this time.” She smiled. “Clarke is back from her grandparents’ house.” It was Clarke’s favorite restaurant, they have been coming here for a long time, and knew most of the employees.  
“That’s nice! Tell her to come over any time.”  
“I will.”

During the summer they texted and called each other frequently. They missed each other a lot and sometimes they would cry while talking to each other on the cellphone. They did everything together and that’s why they missed each other so much.

  
Before heading to Clarke’s house, she decided to buy some ice cream. She wanted to show Clarke that she missed her, then she also bought her favorite ice cream flavor: cheesecake brownie.

  
Lexa walked through the neighborhood. By the time she gets to Clarke’s house, Clarke and her parents will have arrived. She felt nervous. It wasn’t a big deal, really. Clarke is not someone she hadn’t met yet, she wasn’t a stranger. Clarke was her best friend but still she couldn’t help her excitement. She has missed her so much, and she hoped Clarke was missing her as much.

  
When she finally got there, she took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. She waited what seemed a lifetime before someone pulled the door open.

  
And there she was.

  
Her best friend standing in front of her with a big smile. She felt a single tear rolling down her cheek when Clarke’s smile widened.

  
“Come on, you sap. Stop it and come give me a hug.” Clarke walks forward, opening her arms and Lexa hugged her, after freeing her hands from the food and ice cream.  
“God, I’ve missed you so much.” Lexa breathed out.  
“Me too.” Clarke pulled back, still holding Lexa’s shoulders “Come on, let’s get inside.”  
She grabbed the food once again and headed inside. “Hey, I brought something to eat.”  
Before Clarke could answer, Jake showed up. “Hi, Lex! How have you been?”  
“Well, thanks.” She smiled at him.  
“Oh hey, honey!” Abby came and hugged Lexa. “Are you coming to have lunch with us?”  
“No, not really. Actually, I brought food.” She held the bag to show Abby.  
“Okay, see you girls later then.” Abby and Jake smiled before leaving.

  
Clarke took the food from Lexa’s hands and set it on the coffee table. “Are we eating or not?” Lexa nods. “What did you bring me?”  
“Make a guess.” Lexa smirked.  
“No. Way!” Clarke looked surprised. “You didn’t.”  
“I did.”  
“Geez, I love you so.” Clarke took one of the boxes and Lexa did the same.  
“Don’t forget about the cheesecake brownie ice cream.”  
“Ok, tell me what you want. I know you want something in exchange for this.” Clarke pointed to the food and ice cream.  
Lexa placed her hand up to her chest and faked being offended. “Your words hurt me, Griffin.”  
Clarke giggled. “I see you brought your laptop.”  
Lexa scratched her head unconsciously. “Well, I thought maybe you want to spend some time together?”  
“And what have you planned?”  
“Just a TV show Anya recommended me to watch on Netflix.”  
“What is it called?”  
“Sense8. But we don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to.” She rushed to say. “I know you are tired.”  
“And who said I don’t want to?” Clarke raised a brow. “Besides, we won’t be moving.”  
“Ok then.”  
They finished the rest of their meal in silence. After that, Lexa helped Clarke to clean up before getting the ice cream.  
“Ok, where are watching it?”  
“What about my room? The couch isn’t that comfy and I would like to lay down.”  
“Fine with me.” Lexa took her backpack and followed Clarke to her room.  
She hooked up the laptop to Clarke’s TV and laid beside Clarke.  
“This is pretty good by the way.” Clarke pointed to her cup.  
“I know, it’s your favorite. How was your trip?”  
“Exhausting, not that it would be any different. But I’m happy to be back. I was so bored.” Clarke huffed and Lexa only smirked.  
“Come on, you just missed me. You know nowhere will be fun if I’m not there.”  
“Shut up, Woods. Let’s watch the TV show.” Lexa holds her laugh and turns to the TV.

  
They watched and talked about the show, questioning what was going on. When the first episode was finally over, Lexa got up.

  
“I’m gonna put these cups away. Be right back.” She took the cups and left.  
After a big yawn, Clarke knew she wouldn’t last more than another episode before falling asleep. She put her pajamas on and laid down again, waiting for Lexa to come back.  
“What does your clothes mean?” Lexa leans on the door frame.  
“Well, you know me.” She shrugged. “When I’m too tired, I fall asleep without warning. So when it happens, I’ll be comfortable.”  
“You suck.” Lexa chuckled and laid down. “Ok, episode two.”  
After a few minutes, Clarke turned to Lexa. “Do you have a favorite already?”  
“Hard to say, but I guess I like Riley and Wolfgang. You?”  
“Hmm… I like Lito and Nomi. Mumbai too.” She made a pause. “Fuck that, I like them all.”  
Lexa giggled. “Yeah, that sounds more like you.”  
After a few minutes Clarke began to yawn every minute.  
“Come on Clarke, the episode is almost over. You can do it.”  
Clarke approached Lexa. “I know.” She took Lexa’s right arm and embraced it.  
“What are you doing?” Lexa chuckled.  
“I’m getting ready to fall asleep when this episode is over.” She closed her eyes.  
“Clarke, open your eyes.”  
“No.”  
“How are you going to finish this episode if your eyes are closed?” Lexa looked amused.  
“I can still listen to them.”  
“Yeah, well, but I won’t know if you are listening or sleeping.”  
“You will. You always do.”  
“You don’t snore every time you sleep, Clarke.”  
Clarke opened her eyes and looked at Lexa. “You liar.” She smacked Lexa. “You said I always did.” She smacked her again and Lexa burst into laughter.  
“Of course, you always get mad and it’s fun.”  
“Asshole.” She closed her eyes again.  
“Clarke. Are you awake?”  
“Yes, Lexa. I am.” She answered with her eyes still closed.  
“And what about now?”  
“Shut up.”  
“Hey Clarke, are you awake yet?” Lexa smiled, holding her laughter.  
“OH MY GOD, SHUT UP.” She shouted, but laughed anyway.  
“Grouchy! Go to sleep then.” She laughed.  
Clarke sighed and got comfortable once again, while Lexa kept watching the show. Clarke still held Lexa’s arm. She was so happy that things were back to normal. Lexa could hear Clarke’s steady breathing and it was how she fell asleep too.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke felt a light right through her eyelids and couldn’t sleep again. She stretched and tried to remind herself where she was and what was going on when she felt someone cuddling her. It was good to wake up with her friend next to her once more. Clarke couldn’t explain but she knew they always had some kind of connection.

“Stop.” Lexa said, bringing Clarke back to reality.  
“What?”  
“You are doing that thing you do when you are thinking too much.”  
Clarke chuckled. “Let me think in peace.”  
“No. You still have to tell me about those friends you have back in your grandparents’ town so I can kill them all.”  
“Geez, Lex! I didn’t know you had become a murderer.”  
“Well, I don’t want to hear you telling me you’ve got a new best friend.”  
“Yeah, you know… There is this girl, we became really close…” She was cut off by Lexa.  
“Name, Clarke. I work with names. Tell me her name and I will end her life.” Both girls burst into laughter.  
“You could go to jail if someone listened to you, you know?”  
“Are you going to turn me in?” Lexa faked being afraid.  
“I won’t if you tell me about that boy you have been talking to.”  
“Not now, Clarke. We can talk about him later. I want you to tell me about your days there.”  
“You mean my ‘miserable days’ there, right?”  
“Why so dramatic?” Lexa chuckled.  
“Shut up, Woods.”

Lexa knew that Clarke was avoiding this topic but she wanted to know, besides they were supposed to share everything with each other.

  
“I’m serious, Clarke. I’ve noticed you have been trying to avoid talking about it but could you at least tell me why?”  
Clarke sighed deeply. “It’s not a big deal. It’s a small city, I didn’t know anyone, you weren’t there and I missed you.” She kept her eyes away from Lexa’s. “I couldn’t find a way to have fun, I tried but I just couldn’t have fun without you.”

Lexa held her tighter. She didn’t know why but even knowing Clarke had suffered because of it, she still couldn’t deny it made her feel special.

  
“I’m sorry I’m such an amazing friend and you can’t have fun without me.” Lexa tried to break the tension.  
Clarke chuckled. “We have something different. A connection, I think. We get along so well and we feel comfortable around each other. I can talk to you the way I can’t with anyone else and my stupid head couldn’t accept another close friend.”  
“I feel that connection too.” Lexa looked at her in the eyes.  
“How about we get up and cook something while you tell me about that boy?”  
“You really want to know, don’t you?”  
Clarke turned, looking away, and sighed. “Of course.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a very anxious person so I decided to post chapter 2 today. We'll see a little more of Josh (sorry guys). Enjoy it.

Staying with her grandparents in a small town certainly was boring, but at least she had time to clear her head. She didn’t have a choice but going there for the summer, and still it wasn’t the worst part: Lexa couldn’t go with her. Even with all those weird feelings she was having, she wanted Lexa to be there because maybe she would help Clarke to understand why she was feeling like a piece of crap.

She spent most of the time with her grandmother. They did everything they could: cook, talk, watch TV, take a walk, play cards... Her grandfather would join them sometimes. When she wasn’t with one of them, she would text one of her friends. She missed them all but she missed Lexa the most, of course.  She missed Raven and Octavia a lot and it was easy accepting she wouldn’t see them during all summer, but it wasn’t the same with Lexa. She wanted the girl’s company. She wanted to be physically next to her and not just talking through her phone.  It was awkward because she loved them all and yet, Lexa was the only one she felt like she needed there.

* * *

 

They headed to the kitchen and found Jake standing next to the stove, with his phone in hand.

“Finally! I thought you wouldn’t wake up anymore.” He joked. “What are you girls up to?”

 “We were going to make something to eat.” Clarke told him.

“Don’t worry about it, we are getting pizza.” He smiled at them.

“You just gave me a reason to love you more.” Clarke said and everyone laughed.

Clarke took Lexa’s hand, guiding them to the couch.

“Lucky you, won’t have to cook anymore.”

“Thank God!” She felt relived she could just chill, but then she remembered she still had to start her duty as Lexa’s best friend and get that over with. “Ok, tell me about that boy. What was his name again?” Clarke remembered the name, she just didn’t want to say it.

“Josh. What about him?”

“Are you guys still going out?” Clarke asked and turned the TV on.

“Yes, sometimes.”

“And are you two, like…” She swallowed before saying. “Together?”

“Do you mean like, dating? Like if he’s my boyfriend?” Clarke nodded, afraid of the answer and she didn’t even know why. “Oh, no. We are just going out, taking things slow.”

“I see…” Clarke didn’t really want to talk about this, but Octavia always told her that she was supposed to ask everything about the date and the boy. “And do you… ugh…” She wanted to ask but the words wouldn’t come out. “Do… Do you like him?” She kept her eyes on the TV.

“What’s wrong, Clarke?”

“W-what?”

“You are acting weird.”

“No, I just… Thought about something. School related, it’s not important.” She lied.

Lexa didn’t buy it but she didn’t want to push Clarke. “Ok. About your question… I don’t know. He is nice, treats me well but I can’t say I _like_ him.” Clarke still looking at the TV. “As I said, we are taking things slow.”

Before Clarke could say anything else, her father told them the pizza was there already. Both girls got up and headed to the table to eat. They were eating in silence when Jake decided to break it.

“How was your summer, Lexa?” She raised her head.

“It was good, I mean, I missed Clarke a lot but it was good. Went out a few times.” She smiled.

When Clarke heard that, she didn’t notice that Lexa was just giving a nice answer to her parents. Clarke felt like Lexa had fun even when she wasn’t with her and it made Clarke’s stomach sink. She wondered what was going on with her.

They finished the pizza and cleaned the kitchen. After that, the girls headed to Clarke’s room again.

“I have to go now, Griffin.” Lexa said, grabbing her backpack. “Are we going to see the O and Raven tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Clarke was staring at Lexa.

“Are you ok?” Lexa seemed concerned.

“Yeah, I was just… Thinking.”

“You’ve been thinking too much.” Lexa let out a soft laugh.

Clarke didn’t say anything. She just walked forward and hugged Lexa.

“Hey… Are you sure you’re ok?” Lexa was worried, but Clarke just hugged her tighter. After a few seconds, they broke apart.

“I’ve just missed you.” She didn’t look to Lexa. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lexa tried to read her friend. “Ok, then.” She turned and went home.

* * *

 

Clarke woke up with someone poking her forehead.

“Stop it, O.” She muttered to Octavia.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.” She grinned.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke opened her eyes.

“Since you are back and summer is almost over, we are throwing a party.”

“What?” Clarke was surprised to hear about a party, first thing in the morning.

“You heard me. A party. Tonight, at my house.”

“I don’t know, O…”

“Come on! I know you’re a party girl.” Octavia was right. Clarke liked parties but she just wasn’t really up to it.

“Ok, fine!” She gave up, after thinking a little.

“YAS!” Octavia stood up from the bed. “I gotta go now.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I need to tell Lexa about the party.”

“Oh, fine. Call you later.”

Maybe that was what she needed: a party. Without any action during summer, maybe she just needed to have some real fun. And she would have a good time with all her friends, specially Lexa.

Suddenly, she was feeling a lot more excited to go to the party later but for now, she still had to unpack her belongings and wash some of her clothes.

* * *

 

Octavia got to Lexa’s house minutes after leaving Clarke’s. She rang the doorbell and waited.

“Lexa is sleeping.” Anya opened the door and told her.

“It’s fine.” Octavia moved towards the door. “I will wake her up.”

Octavia made her way to Lexa’s room and entered quietly. What she didn’t know was that Lexa was already awake, but pretending to be asleep. Octavia tiptoed to face Lexa. When she was about to wake the other girl, Lexa screamed, scaring her.

“FUCK!” Octavia jumped and took a step back. “Are you trying to kill me?”

Lexa couldn’t stop laughing. Octavia held her hand up to her heart.

“Lexa. I’m gonna kill you the next time I find you sleeping.” She tried to control her heartbeat.

“What are you doing here, O?” Suddenly, Octavia forgot about what happened, and sat on the bed.

“I came to tell you about the party. You are coming, right? You gotta be there, Clarke is coming too.” Octavia kept rambling. “It will happen at my house tonight, you can even bring that date of yours. How is name again? Jordan? Joe? Ah! Josh! Yeah, him.” Lexa just waited until Octavia was finally done. “So, are you coming?”

“Yes, I guess so.”

“Awesome! But I gotta go now. I need to help Bell. We still have to buy some stuff.”

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“Ok, thanks. See you later.” She winked and left the room.

Lexa brushed her teeth and walked to the kitchen.

“Hey, Anya?” She yelled to Anya. “Have you cooked anything for breakfast?”

“No, I’m not your mom nor your maid. Do it yourself.”

“JESUS! I was just asking.” Lexa rolled her eyes and took some eggs and bacon.

She was almost done cooking when her phone buzzed. She had one text.

 **Clarke** : Are u going to O’s party?

 **Lexa** : I guess so. Are you?

 **Clarke** : Yes, I promised her

 **Clarke** : I’m not driving to her house, mom will drop me off

 **Clarke** : See you there?

 **Lexa** : Of course ;)

 

Lexa had to ask Josh if he wanted to go, she still had time. Her stomach was growling.

After she was done with her food, she cleaned up and walked to her bathroom, taking a quick shower. When she was all dressed up, Lexa took her phone again.

 **Lexa** : Hey, do you have any plans for tonight?

 **Josh** : Hi

 **Josh** : None.

 **Lexa** : Do you want to go to a party?

 **Josh** : Sure!

 **Lexa** : Ok, then. I will text you the address later.

 **Josh** : Fine. Don’t u want me to pick u up?

 **Lexa** : No need. I’ll meet you there.

 **Josh** : Ok, that’s a date!

* * *

 

Clarke was wearing a blue top and her favorite jeans. The clothes were fitting her well. She checked her make-up. Everything was good.

It was about 8 pm when she got to Octavia’s house.  She rang the doorbell and the door was opened instantly.

“Hey, blondie!” Bellamy smiled at her, moving to the side to let her in.

“Did you miss me, Bell?” She teased.

“I can’t even remember the last I smiled like this.” Both of them laughed. “What are you drinking?”

Before Clarke could answer, Jasper showed up.

“Nope! You don’t even need to answer because I HAVE the answer.” He shook a bottle in front of her.

“Monty’s Moonshine?” Clarke asked him. “Hell no. It always hit me bad. I don’t wanna get crazy drunk like last time.”

“You know where to find me if you change your mind.” He winked and walked away.

“So, what are you drinking?” Bellamy asked her again. “We have beer, vodka, tequila… So?”

“I will have vodka.”

“Ok.” He turned and walked to the kitchen.

“FINALLY!” Raven yelled. “I thought you were dead.”

“Come on, Raven. I’m hard to kill.”

“Really hard.” Raven looked around like she was searching for someone. “Where’s Lexa?”

“She will be here.”

“Fine. Let’s have some fun.”

Octavia was talking to some of her friends. The house was already crowded, some people were dancing, drinking, playing games, making out… Doing everything. Bellamy came back and handed Clarke her cup, then Raven dragged her to the dancefloor.

Clarke was a bit shy at first, everyone around her was dancing. She had been to other parties, but not one so crowed like this. Raven grabbed her hand and tried to make her feel comfortable, but what really made her dance was the vodka. It was hitting her fast. It was some strong shit. After her fourth cup, she gave up to the dance floor.

She kept dancing with Raven when Octavia joined them. Clarke placed a hand on Octavia’s shoulder and spoke loudly next to Octavia’s ear so the girl could hear.

“Hey O, is Lexa here?” After asking her, Clarke turned her face to the side so Octavia could answer her.

“Yes, the last time I saw her, she was in the kitchen with Josh.” Clarke’s eyes widened. She didn’t know the boy was coming.

“Did you invite him?” She asked again. She still had her hand on Octavia’s shoulder and the three of them kept moving to the song.

“Yeah, I told Lexa she could bring him.”

“Oh…” That was all Clarke said.

She kept dancing with her friends, but she couldn’t ignore the fact that she wasn’t happy with the news. She tried to let the music invade her mind and body. She just felt like she needed some distraction. She spotted Jasper and Monty and Jasper dancing with some girls. Maybe what she needed was a little bit of Moonshine. She made a sign with her hand telling Raven and Octavia that she would be back. She moved towards Monty, never letting her body stop reacting to the song. When she reached him, she spoke next to his ear.

“Is this your lovely Moonshine?” She pointed to the full cup and Monty nodded. “Can I have it?” Monty gave her a big smile and handed her the cup. She kissed him on the cheek and turned to walk back to the girls. When Octavia spotted Clarke walking back, Clarke spun and danced while she walked with her cup in hand, looking to her friends like she was giving them a special show. Octavia pulled her close.

“Really, bitch? Up to some mooooonshine?” Octavia asked.

“About time to get crazy!” Raven added.

Clarke raised the cup taking a swig from her moonshine. Octavia placed a hand on Clarke’s waist and brought her closer so they could dance. Clarke could barely see what was going on around her. She almost couldn’t feel Octavia’s hand on her. She couldn’t see Lexa’s eyes on her. She didn’t know for how long she had been dancing, her eyes were closed and everything she was aware of was the cup in her hand and the song.

She felt someone grabbing her hand and opened her eyes. Raven mouthed something and Clarke just followed her. The girls headed to the table where the body shots were happening. When they got there, Octavia was on top of a hot guy. Clarke saw his amazing abs and understood why Octavia was taking the shot off him.

When Octavia was done, she raised both arms before getting off from the guy and the table. Before Clarke could think, she was taking her top off and laying on the table. Raven straddled her and took the salt, the shot and the lemon. She made a straight line with salt on Clarke’s stomach, then she placed the cup right above Clarke’s breasts and the lemon on her mouth. Clarke had done it once before and she knew what to expect.

Raven leaned down and began to lick the salt on Clarke’s stomach, slowly. Everyone was watching closely. When she was done with the salt, she took the shot and then leaned down again, taking the lemon from Clarke’s mouth. After sucking the lemon, Raven yelled and everyone cheered. She climbed down and helped Clarke to sit back up.

Lexa was watching from a corner and she could say that Clarke was getting off limits.

Before going back to the dancefloor, Clarke took her own tequila shot and refilled her cup. The three girls were clearly wasted and neither of them knew how they kept dancing. Clarke was taking a sip of her drink when someone slid a hand on her waist, and this time wasn’t any of her friends. Clarke turned and started to move with the guy. They drank and danced to the song. Slowly, the guy lowered his free hand to Clarke’s hip. Clarke didn’t care, she couldn’t. She was so drunk that she couldn’t give a fuck about it. Moments later, his lips were attached to hers. They kissed like there was no one around them.

Meanwhile, Octavia was dancing with that guy from earlier, and Raven was hanging out with Monty and Jasper. Lexa was watching Clarke carefully. She kept dancing and kissing that boy. Lexa was glad she wasn’t drinking that night because seeing Clarke’s state, she knew she would have to take her home.

Josh had his arm around Lexa’s waist. They had been talking and occasionally making out all night. They spent time with some friends, played few games, but Lexa never took her eyes from Clarke. She felt her chest sting every time Clarke left the dancefloor but didn’t come to say hi to her. Seemed like wasn’t there.

Lexa was brought from her thoughts when she saw the boy, Carl, slide his hands to Clarke’s ass and squeeze it. Who did he think he was to do that? Clarke just laughed, but that was it.

Lexa turned to Josh and said. “Hey, I have to go. I need to take Clarke home before this gets out of hand.” He nodded, sadly. “Can you drive by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’m not drinking anymore and I just had two cups.”

“Ok, then.” She pecked him on the lips. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

She freed herself from his arm and headed to the dancefloor. Carl hadn’t take his hands off Clarke’s ass yet. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s arm gently, and pulled her a little.

“Alright, Griffin. Time to go.” Before Clarke could answer, Carl glared at Lexa.

“No, she’s having fun. I’ll take her home.” Lexa had to breathe deeply before looking at him.

“No, you are not taking her home. You are as wasted as she is. And YOUR fun ends here. Back off.” She turned back to Clarke. “Come on, Clarke. If you stay, you’ll do something you’re going to regret.”

Clarke was staring at Lexa. After she watched Lexa censuring the boy, suddenly she felt like shit. She just nodded and took Lexa’s hand. Lexa guided a drunk Clarke to her car.

“Watch your step, Clarke. Be careful.” Lexa said.

Clarke stumbled the whole way to Lexa’s car, but she didn’t say a word. When she was inside the car, Lexa fastened both seat belts. When Lexa left the house, Clarke said.

“I don’t wanna go home.” It was a little difficult to understand what she said but Lexa did anyway.

“And why’s that?”

Clarke sighed deeply. “I just… Don’t.”

“And where do you want to go?” Lexa kept her eyes on the road.

“You.” Clarke was falling asleep.

“Me? You mean… My house?”

Clarke nodded. “Can I sleep there?” She closed her eyes and waited for the answer.

“Sure.” Lexa headed to her house instead of Clarke’s.

It was late and the streets were already empty. It was the first time Lexa saw Clarke so drunk like she was and she was sure it was the first time Clarke got that drunk. She would have a massive hungover.

She parked the car and helped Clarke out. She had to bear half of Clarke’s weight to get her inside. When they finally made her to Lexa’s room, Lexa helped Clarke sit on the edge of the bed.

“Can you take your shirt off?” Clarke had her eyes closed and shook her head slowly.

Lexa took Clarke’s shirt off and tossed it. Clarke started mumbling.

“What?” Lexa asked.

“I’m not… not feeling well.” She opened her eyes.

Lexa quickly took Clarke to the bathroom, made her kneel in front of the toilet and took her hair off her face. In seconds, Clarke threw up everything inside her stomach. To be honest, Lexa already expected it to happen. During the party, she noticed that Clarke drank vodka, tequila, AND moonshine.

When Clarke was done, Lexa helped her up and let her lean on the bathroom counter. She started to take off the rest of Clarke’s clothes, and Clarke was very aware of that. She watched every move Lexa made, her eyes followed closely. Before she could think anything else, Lexa spoke.

“You’ll have to take a quick shower.” Clarke looked at her and nodded. “Do you need help or can you do it yourself?”

“I… I can do it.” Lexa nodded and helped her get in the shower.

“I will get you some clothes and a towel.” Clarke murmured something.

Lexa left the bathroom and Clarke stayed with her thoughts.

What. Was. That?

Why did she react like that? She blamed her current state. She was drunk, that was it.

Clarke let the water run down her body, hoping it would take her thoughts away. Hoping she would forget everything. After finishing the shower, she took the towel Lexa left for her. She already had her underwear on and was starting to put her shirt on when she got stuck. She didn’t know what she had done but she couldn’t undo it by herself.

“Lexa?” She called her friend.

Before Lexa could answer, Clarke came from the bathroom and stood there, waiting. She had her head in the wrong spot and was stuck in her shirt.

“Do you need anything, Clarke?” Lexa held her laugh.

“Can’t you see? I’m stuck! I need help.”

Lexa got up from the bed and made her way towards Clarke. She got the shirt straight and laughed. “Are you done now?”

“No.” Clarke took the shorts and handed it to Lexa. “Can you hold it down for me so I can step in?”

Lexa helped Clarke put the shorts on and made her brush her teeth. When Clarke was on the edge of the bed again, Lexa handed her a cup of water.

“Drink it.” Clarke did. Lexa handed her another cup. “Another one.” Clarke drank it again.

Clarke laid on bed and Lexa turned the lights off. She laid next to Clarke and relaxed. She was almost asleep when Clarke sighed deeply.

“What’s wrong, Clarke?” She turned to look at her.

“I’m sorry.” She looked sincere.

“For what?” Lexa had to ask.

“The party. How I acted at the party.”

“You don’t need to be sorry about it.” Clarke just nodded, but then Lexa saw a tear rolling down her cheek. “Hey, don’t cry.” She scooted next to Clarke and held her in her arms. “Let’s just sleep, ok? You’ll be fine tomorrow.”

Clarke sighed again. Minutes later, both of them fell asleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, how was that? Feel free to leave reviews, I appreciate.  
> I'll post chap 3 on Thursday.  
> See you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Are you ready to see how Clarke's feelings are finally showing up?

Clarke woke up with someone playing with her hair. Her eyes were still closed but she could smell Lexa’s perfume and that’s how she remembered where she was. Her mouth was dry and her head was pounding but she didn’t want to move and loose Lexa’s caress. She enjoyed her friend’s fingers playing with her hair, it made her body relax.

“How is your head?” Lexa whispered.

“A massive headache.” She kept her eyes closed.

“I closed the curtains. There is a cup of water and an aspirin on the nightstand.”

Clarke opened her eyes very slowly and took the water to swallow the aspirin. She laid back and closed her eyes again.

“How is your stomach?”

“Ugh, it hurts. I don’t think I could eat right now.” Clarke groaned.

Lexa has always impressed Clarke. She was so mature, so affectionate, so protective. Clarke couldn’t ask for a better friend than Lexa.

“It will pass.” Lexa told her. “Why did you drink that much last night?”

“I don’t…” Clarke bit her bottom lip. “Nothing in particular.”

Lexa sighed deeply. “I know something is wrong with you. You’ve been weird. I won’t push you to tell me, but I hope you do it at some time.”

After hearing that, Clarke felt horrible. She tried to hold back her tears. She turned to Lexa’s side and moved closer, buried her face into Lexa’s chest.

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed. “I don’t know what is going on with me. I’m just… Upset for some reason.” Lexa stroked Clarke’s back.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Clarke nodded. “Drinking like that won’t lessen your feelings, so next time you it easy, ok?”

“Ok.” Clarke sighed.

“You need to eat something sweet. You threw up last night and your body needs a little sugar.”

Clarke nodded. “Do you know where my phone is?”

“Yes, I took it last night. I texted your mom already, she knows where you are.”

“Thank you. For taking care of me. I don’t want to think where I could be if you hadn’t dragged me away from that party.”

“What are friends for?” Lexa smiled. “Let’s get you something to eat.” She started to get up and Clarke just huffed.

After using the bathroom, she followed Lexa to the kitchen. She waited while Lexa made her some pancakes.

“Can I ask you something?” Lexa said, startling Clarke.

“Yeah.” She looked at Lexa.

“Why did you let Carl… touch you?” Lexa kept her eyes on the pan in front of her. “I mean, you didn’t turn him down.”

“I… I don’t know.” Clarke was red like a tomato. “I didn’t even know his name.”

Lexa let out a dry laugh. “No more alcohol for you.”

After few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Lexa placed a plate with pancakes in front of Clarke. Clarke felt ashamed enough. She kind of wanted to leave right away, so she could run from Lexa. On the other hand, she just wanted to stay with Lexa.

They ate in silence. Clarke felt a little better with the sugar but her stomach still hurt.

“Are you excited for senior year?” Lexa broke the silence.

“Sort of. I’m happy because it’s our last year but I’m not hundred percent sure about my major yet.”

“We’ll figure it out. I guess I already know what I want.”

“And what is that?”

“Civil Engineering.”

“Oh god, dad will like you better now.” Clarke laughed.

“Well, I thought he already did.” Lexa teased. 

“Jerk.” Clarke let out a soft laugh.

Lexa’s phone buzzed and she took it. Clarke watched as she typed something on the phone and few seconds later, the phone buzzed again. Lexa typed. The phone buzzed again. Type. Buzz. Smile. Type. Buzz. Clarke wondered who she was talking to, but she already had an idea. Sadly.

She kept eating and trying to take some conclusions. Maybe she just didn’t like that Josh boy for some reason, maybe she was just being protective of Lexa. She had seen him around at school before, but never talked to him. Clarke couldn’t say if he was a good choice for her best friend. She would worry about it later.

Clarke helped Lexa cleaning up and sat on the couch with Lexa. “What are we doing now?”

“Watch something? Play something?” Lexa suggested.

“We could play something and go out later. We could go out for lunch and then ice cream.” Clarke suggested.

“Sorry, Clarke. I can’t.” Lexa turned to face Clarke.

“Wha-Why?” Clarke was disappointed.

“Josh is coming over in a few. You should hang out with us.”

Clarke didn’t know what to say. If she wanted to run away from Lexa before, you couldn’t imagine how she wanted to do it at that moment.

“Well… I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Muttered Clarke.

“You haven’t met him officially yet.” Lexa pointed out.

“But… Why should I meet him officially? Are you guys official now?” Clarke’s voice trembled and she hated herself for asking this.

“No, Clarke. I just wanted you to meet him. Besides, he would like to meet my best friend, right?”

“Probably…” She had no way out, and she knew it.

“Stay?”

Clarke sighed. “Ok. Fine.”

Lexa turned the TV on and they started watching Adventure Time. Lexa could feel how tense Clarke was beside her. Has something happened to Clarke during summer and she didn’t want to tell Lexa? It was the kind of thoughts Lexa had in mind. She missed the Clarke before summer and she was willing to bring her back.

Clarke was trying to find a way to escape from that situation. She wasn’t ready to meet the boy who was kissing her best friend.

But why the fuck did she care anyway?

She was getting really overwhelmed. And sad. Having her plans crushed by some boy was awful. She wanted to spend more time with Lexa. School would start the week following and she just had two days before it.

The cartoon kept running and both of them shared an awkward silence. Fortunately for Lexa and unfortunately for Clarke, the bell rang. Lexa stood up and headed to answer the door. Clarke didn’t dare to look back. She didn’t want to see anything. She heard them moving towards her and seconds later, both of them stood in front of Clarke.

“Josh, this is Clarke. My Best friend.” She pointed to Clarke and then to Josh. “Clarke, this is Josh.”

“Hi.” He smiled to Clarke.

“Hey.” She tried her best to return the smile.

Lexa took his hand and guided him to sit next to her on the couch next to Clarke’s. And it made her insides burn. She was used to have Lexa all to herself since they met and now, a stupid guy was taking Lexa from her. Clarke never liked to share what was hers.

Clarke turned to Josh when she realized he was talking to her.

“I didn’t think you would survive after last night.” He smirked. “After all that booze… How can you drink like that? Jesus!” Lexa chuckled.

What was happening? A guy that didn’t even know her, was making fun of her. Her BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD laughed after that stupid comment. If Clarke thought she didn’t like him, now she was entirely sure.

She glared at Josh and gave Lexa a disappointed look. Clarke stood up and started to walk to Lexa’s room. “I’ll take my stuff. I have to go home.” Clarke snapped at them.

Lexa didn’t understand what just happened. She couldn’t say anything, just watch Clarke going to her room, coming back with her stuff in hands and then leaving the house.

* * *

 

Clarke shut the door and started to walk. She wasn’t just sad, after what just happened she was angry and hurt. Maybe he thought he was being funny or whatever, but he just let the blonde really angry.

She stopped by the store and bought a giant chocolate bar. She slammed the door when she got home and her father appeared in the living room.

“Hey kiddo.” He analyzed Clarke’s face. She was mad. “What happened?”

Silence. She stared at him.

“Come here, let’s sit.” He sat on the couch and waited for her.

She did as he asked and they stared at each other until Clarke’s eyes started to glow. She tried to hold her tears but her father knew her very well and she knew it.

“Tell me, what happened?” He took one of her hands between his.

A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away immediately. “I’ve been upset without reason. I’ve just been… sad.” She huffed. “And now…” She started crying. “I was at Lexa’s and that stupid date of hers showed up and made fun of me. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID?” Jake shook his head. “She laughed of what he said.” Anger invaded her again. “Can you believe it?”

“Did you say anything?”

“I just said I had to leave, and left.”

Jake had noticed Clarke’s behavior. She really was acting a little awkward lately, however he had no clue until now.

“And you have no idea why you’ve been so upset?” He raised a brow.

“No, dad. I told you. But related to Lexa, I know that I don’t like that stupid guy.” She groaned and got up. “I will eat my chocolate bar in peace.”

She marched to her room and Jake just smirked.

 

* * *

 

 

“What was that?” Josh laughed.

Lexa stood up and headed to the window. Clarke looked angry but soon she disappeared of sight. She should have said something.

Josh approached her from behind and hugged her.

“Come on, let’s watch that movie I told you about.”

Anya rushed to the living room.

“What happened to Clarke?” Anya asked. “I saw her face when she was leaving. What have you done?” Before Lexa could answer, Anya spoke again. “Oh, I see.” She glared at Josh. “Who’s this?”

“I told you, earlier. This is Josh.” Anya scanned him. “Don’t you remember? I told you I was inviting him over and you said it was fine.”

“Well, I’m not fine when blondie leaves the house like that.” She just turned and walked back to her room.

“Sorry about that. That’s my sister, Anya.” Lexa apologized.

“No worries.”

They sat again on the couch and the movie started playing. Josh tried to get closer to Lexa but she was just too tense. She didn’t want him close to her all the time, she also was worried about Clarke. She should had remembered about last night. She already knew Clarke was emotionally drained.

She didn’t pay attention to the movie. Josh tried several times to exchange touches with Lexa but she would turn him down.  When the movie was over, Josh told Lexa he had to leave.

“I’m sorry for today.” She didn’t want to be specific, so that was all she was going to say.

“Don’t worry, you can make it up to me next time.” He winked and kissed her.

She said goodbye and got inside again. She took her phone and typed a message to Clarke.

 **Lexa** : Hey

She had to wait several minutes before getting an answer.

 **Clarke** : Not now

 **Lexa** : I just want to talk.

 **Clarke** : But I don’t, Lexa

 **Lexa** : I need to know what’s going on

 **Lexa** : We can’t keep things like this

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke had been crying since she entered her room. She was a total mess. How did she end up here? She didn’t want to keep talking to Lexa but at the same time, she needed her.

 **Lexa** : Please, talk to me.

Instead of replying her text, she tossed her phone somewhere, and took her iPod and earphones. She was asleep within minutes.

 

She felt someone shaking her softly and she opened her eyes.

“I brought you a snack, kiddo.” Her father handed her a plate. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you brought me food.” She smiled weakly.

“That’s good.” He laughed and then the doorbell rang. “I’ll go get that. Let me know if you want more.” She nodded and he left.

She was halfway through her snack when someone entered her room and closed the door. She looked up to see Lexa.

“WTF?” She snapped at Lexa.

Lexa could see Clarke’s swollen eyes. “You didn’t reply me, so I came.”

“Lexa, I told you I didn’t want to talk.” Clarke frowned.

Lexa sat next to Clarke, placing a hand on the girl’s knee. Clarke’s body tensed.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed at Josh’s comment.” Clarke clenched her jaw when she heard Josh’s name. “I should’ve known better. I knew you were upset with something and that comment would make you worse.” She sighed and looked at Clarke. “Let me make it up to you.”

“I don’t thin-” Clarke was cut off.

“Please, we can go see a movie tomorrow or something you want to do.”

Clarke stared at Lexa. Lexa was the reason of her hurting now, but she also was the solution for it.

Clarke snorted. “Fine.” She kept eating, trying to ignore Lexa and the hand on her knee. It wasn’t possible to ignore it anymore after Lexa got up and kissed her cheek.

“I’m leaving now, ok?” She made Clarke look at her. “I didn’t tell Anya I was coming here, so I have to go.”

Clarke just nodded.

“I will text you when I get home.” She told Clarke and left.

Clarke felt her skin stinging where Lexa kissed her. Clarke let her body fall back on bed and stared on the ceiling. She would go crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys do not wish me dead because of Josh and Lexa. Yeah, she probably think she's straight but also she probably never took a time to think about girls, we'll see.   
> Let me know what you think about this chapter. As I said, I like suggestions.   
> Also, just a reminder, you can find me on Twitter: @lexasbitch  
> See you soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news: no Josh in this chapter. He'll be mentioned, of course, but it's not about him.  
> Enjoy.

Lexa was the first thing Clarke thought when she woke up the other day. She never expected Lexa to come over last night, but she loved it because she felt special. They had a special connection, an amazing friendship, Clarke knew it, but she couldn’t help feeling happy when Lexa acted a little more affectionate. She was about to get off bed when her phone buzzed.

**Lexa** : Are you awake?

**Clarke** : yeah

**Lexa** : Let me know what you want to do today

**Clarke** : surprise me

**Lexa** : Yes, ma’am

Clarke just smiled to her phone and moved to take a shower. She made her way to the kitchen and found her parents there. Jake was using his laptop and Abby was drinking a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, kiddo.” He looked at her above his laptop screen. “You seem better.”

“Well, it seems that I will have my best friend to me today and no one will ruin our plans.”

“What am I missing here?” Abby questioned her.

“That boy Lexa is going out is stealing her from me.” Abby exchanged a look with Jake.

“Don’t you think she could have a boyfriend?” Abby raised a brow.

Clarke seemed confused. “Well… She can. I just don’t like this thing where I have to share Lexa all the time. Especially when we are talking about an idiot.” Both of her parents were staring at her. “What?”

“Nothing.” Jake said. “Are you hungry?” Clarke nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa had to think about something yet. She had some ideas but wasn’t sure. Her phone buzzed twice.

**Josh** : hey

**Josh** : what are we doing today?

**Lexa** : Sorry but I’m busy all day

**Josh** : whaaat? :(

**Lexa** : I had plans already, sorry

**Josh** : ok, let me know if u change your mind

**Lexa** : :)

Sometimes, Josh made Lexa feel a little suffocated, he wanted her free time all to himself.

Anyway, she still had to find something to do later. Lexa wanted to lighten up Clarke’s mood and not just take her out to do something they already used to do. Suddenly, she had an awesome idea. She took her phone and texted Clarke again.

**Lexa** : Hey, Clarkey

**Lexa** : I’ll pick you up at 3pm, ok?

**Clarke** : what are we doing?

**Lexa** : You asked for a surprise, remember?

**Clarke** : ok fine

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke met Lexa when they were 4 years old. They went to the same school and also, both of their moms worked at the same hospital. Liza was a plastic surgeon specialized in craniofacial surgery. She was the best around. When Lexa was 12 years old, Liza died. She got shot during a traffic fight and the bullet hit her neck. She died on the surgical table.

Lexa had always been different from the people with the same age as her. She was a lot quieter and wiser than the others. She always analyzed something before trying to solve the problem. During desperate situations, she always tried to stay calm and help with something. Except when her mother died. She just shut down. She just wasn’t the same.

She cried during the funeral, but after that? She didn’t. She didn’t cry again; she didn’t say her mother’s name. She wasn’t the same. She was forgetting about many things. She didn’t care about school. She didn’t want to go out unless she needed to. Lexa’s father, Kyle, tried to take her to see a therapist but she denied.

Clarke knew Lexa was emotionally overloaded. At first she didn’t know what to do, but then Jake helped her, giving some advice. Clarke wanted to help Lexa so she did what she could. Lexa’s loss couldn’t be repaired or fixed, but Clarke could help her to pick up the pieces.

Clarke helped Lexa with school. She helped Lexa doing her homework and essays, and even made some of them by herself. She wouldn’t let Lexa forget to eat. She did her best to try to distract Lexa. At the beginning, Lexa was just extremely quiet. She did what Clarke told her most of the time. But then, she started to let some of her feelings out. She would get really angry or deeply sad for stupid things. Sometimes she would yell at Clarke for no reason and then cry until she couldn’t do it anymore.

It was a little difficult to Clarke because sometimes she didn’t know what to do or how to react, so she would just watch. She knew Lexa needed to put her feelings out of her chest. Lexa couldn’t carry all that by herself. Lexa had to heal and letting it out was good for her.

Clarke would read to calm Lexa, she would take her for a walk, buy Lexa’s favorite snacks, find some funny movies, convince her to rest when she needed.

It was a difficult thing to deal with but it wasn’t about Clarke and she knew it. Lexa needed her, even if she didn’t say anything.

After few months, Lexa was back to her old self. She was deeply grateful for Clarke’s help and for Clarke, that was good enough. Liza’s death changed Lexa a lot, however it made her grow up mentally. It also got her friendship with Clarke a lot stronger.

Liza’s death not only changed Lexa, but also Clarke. She had to deal with something delicate and it made her grow too. She couldn’t have done it if wasn’t for her parents.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was waiting for Lexa when she got the message.

**Lexa** : I’m outside

**Clarke** : ok

She said goodbye to her parents and left the house. When she got inside the car, Lexa had a big smile on her face.

“Are you ready for the surprise?”

“I’m curious, yes.”

“It’s not a big deal, to be honest. But I think you will like it.” She drove through the streets.

“Can you tell me where we are going?”

“A surprise, Clarke. You asked for it.” Lexa laughed.

Few minutes later, Lexa parked in front a pet shop and exited the car.

“Why are we here?”

“Come on, Clarke. Let’s get inside.”

They walked to the front door. Clarke could see many dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and others.

“Are you buying me a pet?” Clarke was confused.

“No, Clarke.” She headed to talk to a tall guy. “Hi, Gustus.” Gustus was one of her dad’s friends and she liked him a lot.

“Hello, commander. Do you need anything?” He smiled at her.

“Can we pick a puppy to play with?” Lexa asked while Clarke was looking around the store.

“Of course. Just let me know each one.”

Lexa took Clarke’s hand and they headed to the corner with all the puppies.

“Ok, Clarke. Pick one.”

“You said you are not buying me one.” Clarke pointed out.

“I know and I’m not. Now pick one.”

Clarke looked through the glasses. There were a lot of them. She liked every puppy, but chose a bulldog. He was white and beige.

“I want the bulldog.” Lexa just nodded and Gustus came to take the puppy.

They entered a small room and Gustus handed Lexa the dog before leaving. They sat on the floor and Lexa started to play with the dog.

“Look how cute he is.”

“You brought me here so we could play with puppies?”

“Yeah.” Lexa wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe Clarke wouldn’t like the idea. “I thought you would like it.”

“Lex. You are the best.” She smiled and Lexa handed her the dog.

“Should we give him a temporary name?”

“Sure. What about Simba?”

“Seriously?” Lexa giggled.

“Yeah, it’s temporary.” She shrugged.

“Ok, then.”

Lexa watched as Clarke played with the dog. She was truly happy. She would hug and talk to the dog. She would let it bite her. Lexa just noticed how beautiful she was when she was happy.

After a long time, they left the pet shop and Lexa had to promise Clarke to take her there again.

“Ok. It’s time to eat. Is Steak ‘n Shake ok with you?” Lexa already knew the answer.

“Of course it is.” She looked at Lexa. “Steak ‘n Shake is always great.”

They drove to the restaurant and made their way in. They talked the whole time. Clarke was definitely feeling better. It was being really lovely. She even couldn’t remember about Josh.

When they got back to the car, Lexa had another idea.

“I was thinking… Maybe we should have a sleepover.” Clarke turned her face to her. “We can go to school together tomorrow. What do you think?”

“I like that idea.” Clarke grinned. “I’ll text my mom.” Lexa just nodded and drove back to her house.

 

 

Lexa parked on the driveway and then Clarke held her by the wrist.

“Thank you, for today. I was the best part of my summer.”

Lexa just smiled. “I’ve missed you a lot. It was really good for me too.”

They got off the car and got inside. They would have to go to school tomorrow and needed to sleep well to face that place again.

 

* * *

 

 

**_One month later…_ **

 

Clarke was really tired of high school already. She had been busy the whole month and it was filling her mind. However, Josh was still around. She would always avoid to be in the same room with him. She also avoided to talk to Lexa about him. She hated how she had to share Lexa with him. Many times Lexa had told her she couldn’t hang out because she already had plans with Josh.

And today just wasn’t her day. One of the first things she had to watch was Josh pulling Lexa by the waist and giving her a small kiss. Clarke thought it couldn’t get any worse and she was completely wrong.

“Hey, Griffin.” Someone called her name. She looked back and spotted Zoe, one of her classmates.

“Do you want something?”

“I was just wondering… How did you manage to get such good grade in botany when most of us just got some Ds and Fs?” Clarke never liked that girl, she was always jealous of Clarke’s accomplishments.

“I studied. That’s all.” Clarke tried to keep walking when Zoe grabbed her by the wrist.

“Are you spreading your legs to the teacher?” That was when Clarke got mad. She was hardly keeping her body straight. She wanted to punch Zoe but she had to hold herself.

“Back off and let me go.” She said with gritted teeth.

“Maybe it wasn’t you, right?” Zoe tilted her head, pretending she was thinking about it. “Oh! Maybe it was that bitch friend of yours, the one who does everything you ask. What’s her name again? Hmmm… Lexa?” Zoe smirked and that was it.

Clarke closed her fist and landed it on Zoe’s face. Zoe lost a little balance but then she returned the punch with full force and Clarke fell on the floor. Clarke could feel the blood in her mouth and the pain in her jaw. Before she could get up, Zoe grabbed her by the hair and hit Clarke’s head on the edge of the drinking fountain. Her vision got dark for a second and she just drove another punch to Zoe’s direction, hitting the girl’s stomach.

Before anything else could happen, someone broke the fight. Both girls had to clarify what happened to the principal. After that, Clarke was taken to the hospital where her mother worked. When Zoe hit Clarke’s head on the edge of the drinking fountain, it ripped her skin and she would need stitches.

She entered inside a room and waited.

“I heard what happened, the principal called me already.” Abby told her, while she took her surgical gloves. “Really, Clarke? A school fight?” She was really disappointed.

“She was disrespectful, not only with me but Lexa too. I couldn’t take it.”

Abby put a cream to numb Clarke’s skin before starting to stitch it. She did it in silence and Clarke couldn’t complain because she didn’t want to talk. Also, her head was pounding a little. When she was done with the stitches, she cleaned Clarke’s lip.

“I called your father, he’s coming to pick you up.”

“What about my car?”

“We’ll take it later.” Abby took off her gloves and threw them away. “Now you go home and rest. I’ll see you later.”

Clarke left the room and went to the parking lot, where she found her father and got back home.

 

* * *

 

 

She was laid on her bed when her phone went off.

“ _Hey, O_.” She answered the phone.

“ _What the hell, Clarke? I heard you had a fight at school_.”

“ _Yeah, no big deal_.”

“ _What happened_?” Octavia sounded worried.

“ _That girl, Zoe, was jealous because I had an awesome grade and she didn’t. So she started to say disrespectful things and I lost my temper_.”

“ _Jesus, Clarkey! They told me you went to the hospital_.”

“ _Yeah, I had to get some stitches. That bitch took blood out of me and all I did was to leave her sore.”_

“ _Sore? She has a big black eye_.” Octavia chuckled. “ _Better them nothing visible_.”

“ _Well, I guess it is_.” Clarke laughed softly. “ _O, can we talk later? My head is pounding right now.”_

“ _Sure. Be out of trouble now. See you_.”

Clarke turned her phone off and let herself take a nap.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sad that I didnt get reviews for the last two chapter but I'm a hopeful person. Let me know your opinion.   
> You can find me on twitter with you want to chat: @lexasbitch.  
> I'll probably see you guys next thursday!


	5. Everyone's got something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I wonder when Clarke will finally realize and accept she loves Lexa... She's so stubborn.

The pain in her head didn’t let Clarke sleep well. When she wakes up she goes to her mom to for a medicine for the pain. Clarke checked her phone and she had 2 missed calls and 4 text messages.

**Lexa** : I heard what happened, why didn’t you tell me?

**Lexa** : Are you ok?

**Lexa** : Why aren’t you talking to me?

**Lexa** : Please, talk to me, I’m worried

Instead of texting Lexa what happened, she decided to go to her house and tell Lexa herself. She checked her stitches and left the house. She wasn’t rushing to get there because she wasn’t even supposed to be walking. Her head was pounding a little but it was bearable. Clarke turned the corner to Lexa’s street, and when neared Lexa’s house she had the most unpleasant sight she could have. Josh had Lexa pinned on the wall close to the front door and he was kissing her.

Suddenly, Clarke saw red. Wasn’t bad enough to tolerate both of them at school? Why did she have to witness this? She wanted to go there and drag him away from Lexa. What the fuck? He couldn’t touch her like that, he wasn’t even her boyfriend. 

Clarke turned on her hills and made her way back home. As soon as she turned the corner from Lexa’s house, tears began to fall. Something was really wrong. Lexa kissing Josh was wrong. What did Lexa see in Josh? He was so… Normal. Lexa always had good taste but apparently not when it was about boys.

She slammed her front door and ran to her room. She cried like there was no tomorrow. She was distressed and deeply disappointed. Hurt. She never felt like this before. Why did Lexa have to be with that guy? It has been the two of them since the beginning. Clarke didn’t want Josh in Lexa’s life because he wasn’t supposed to be with Lexa. Clarke was. And that was the moment Clarke finally realized the truth. Or maybe she just allowed herself to accept it.

Clarke didn’t want to see Josh holding Lexa’s hand, she didn’t want to see Josh caressing her, and mostly, she didn’t want to see him kissing Lexa because it was all wrong. He was wrong. That wasn’t his place.

He wasn’t the one supposed to kiss those plump lips. How soft could be Lexa’s lips? Clarke felt the urgency to feel those lips against her own. She wanted to cup Lexa’s face and kiss her. Before she could think about anything else, she heard a knock on the door. She knew it was her father, so she wiped her tears and told him to come in.

“I thought I saw you leaving to go to Lexa’s.” Jake sat on the edge of the bed.

Clarke sighed and looked away, trying to contain her tears once more.

“I did. But then…” She breathed in. “I saw something.” She let out.

“And what was that?”

“I don’t think I can tell you, dad. It’s weird and you probably would think I’m crazy for being upset about what I saw.”

He placed a hand on Clarke’s knee, trying to assure her it was ok. “One time you told me I was your best friend too.” She looked at him. “And if you are having problems with Lexa, I’m the only best friend you have left.”

Clarke nodded and sighed. “When I got there, Lexa was… She was…” It was difficult to let the words out, she couldn’t stop remembering what she saw. “She was kissing Josh, dad. I didn’t like it, I was mad.” Clarke glanced at Jake, waiting for a disapproval look but he had a soft expression on his face. “I think… God, I think I’m in love with Lexa, dad. I can’t accept the idea of Josh kissing and touching her all the time. Isn’t right.” She looked at her hands. “I’m overwhelmed because this is all new to me. And I’m afraid about she would think of all this.”

Jake moved closer to Clarke and embraced her. “I’m glad you told me. I was suspicious about it, to be honest. You’ve never been like this with Octavia or Raven. What really matter is that you love Lexa. It doesn’t change anything if she is a girl or a boy, if you love her, that’s it. You’re still my kiddo.” He stroked Clarke’s back.

“But dad, I can’t tell her. I can’t risk our friendship. I’m afraid.”

“Give yourself sometime. It seems that you have just realized the truth. You need time to deal with your feelings first and then you’ll think about dealing with Lexa.” Clarke nodded. “I have to go take your car from school’s parking lot. I’ll see you later.”

Jake kissed her forehead and left.

 

 

 

Clarke took a shower and was getting ready for bed when her phone buzzed.

**Lexa** : I saw you turning the corner from my house

**Lexa** : I tried to reach you but when I left the house you were gone

**Lexa** : Were you coming to see me?

Clarke let out a sarcastic laugh. How could Lexa think she would do something else but go to her house? Clarke decided to ignore the text. She was a mess and she needed time. Her phone buzzed again few minutes later.

**Lexa** : Also, you never told me what was the fight about

**Lexa** : Did she hurt you?

Clarke wasn’t willing to talk to Lexa. She was hurt and letting things go back to normal probably wouldn’t help.

**Lexa** : I just called O and she told me you had to get stitches, why didn’t you tell me???????

Ignored.

**Lexa** : Fuck, Clarke! what’s going on with you?

That was the last message Clarke received that night.

Ignored. Again.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Saturday and Clarke would have girl’s night with Raven and Octavia. Lexa couldn’t participate because she had a date with Josh. Clarke was relived she wouldn’t have to face Lexa but at the same time, she was upset because Lexa would spend the night with Josh. She had been avoiding to meet Lexa, they were just texting each other.

Octavia told Clarke and Raven she would take them to a party of one of her friends.  After the party, they would spend the night at Octavia’s house.

At first, Clarke wasn’t really up to a party but she couldn’t deny that some alcohol would help her not giving a shit about anything.  It was a big house and many people were there. They even had someone to serve the drinks. Raven dragged them to the bar and Clarke asked for gin.

She would stay more quiet this time. She would just drink enough to forget about the pain in her chest. Octavia tried to drag her to the dancefloor but she just wasn’t up to it. She was alone on the couch, already tipsy but she was fine. It was a new experience to her, watching everyone partying. Raven and Octavia were dancing together when Clarke felt her phone buzzing. She took it and opened the text.

**Lexa** : Josh asked. We’re official now!

Clarke wanted to explode. A gunshot would hurt less than that. She took the rest of her drink in one gulp.

**Clarke** : good :)

She stood up to go dancing after getting another drink. She definitely had no chance now. For the first time, she had her heart broken.

Octavia cheered when Clarke joined them. Once again, Clarke exaggerated but this time, she passed out before getting home.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke woke up and her mouth was gross. She had to take few seconds to remember where she was. She could see Octavia beside her on the bed. Raven probably took the guest room. Clarke got up and moved to the bathroom. She only had underwear on. Removing her bra and panties, she got in the shower. She washed every inch of her body. She took the extra towel in the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She exited the bathroom and grabbed some clean clothes in her backpack.

“Why are you up so early?” Octavia mumbled on the pillow.

“Because there is no early time when we are talking about my hungover.”

“True.”

“How did we get here last night? I don’t remember anything after I joined the dancefloor.”

“Well, you danced with us. Then you were mumbling something about having to get over someone. I asked you who it was but you just shook your head. You kissed some guy for a while and then came back to us. You drank a lot more and then disappeared. We found you passed out on a chair in the backyard.”

“Jesus!” Clarke couldn’t remember any of that. “Did you call Bell to pick us up?”

“No, Bellamy was out too.” Clarke raised a brow. “It was pretty late so I called Lexa.”

“YOU DID WHAT?” Clarke snapped.

“I called Lexa. What’s wrong with that?” Clarke just huffed. “What’s going on, Clarke?”

“Nothing, I have to go.” She leaned down to take her stuff.

“Hey, did you hear Lexa and Josh are dating now? Like, really dating?” Clarke swallowed.

What a good way to start the day.

“Yeah.” She said dryly.

She left Octavia’s room as soon as she had all her stuff. When she closed the front door and turned to leave, Lexa’s car was outside.

“Get in.” Lexa told her.

“I need to walk, Lexa.”

“No, Clarke. You’re getting inside this car.”

Clarke leaned down on the car’s window. “What do you want, Lexa? You don’t have to take me home, you know I don’t live far, I can walk.”

“I’m glad you can because last night you couldn’t.” Lexa snapped at Clarke.

Clarke glared at Lexa, pulled back and started to walk. Lexa drove slowly and spoke again.

“Please, get in.” She pleaded. “Let me just take you home.”

Clarke knew that Lexa wouldn’t take no as an answer, so she got inside and crossed her arms in front of her. She couldn’t look at Lexa. She couldn’t see those worried eyes again. They were in silence the whole drive to Clarke’s house. Lexa parked in front of the house and Clarke was about to get off when Lexa took her hand. Clarke sat back and watched as Lexa intertwined their fingers.

“Look, I know something is wrong and I’m sorry if I can’t find a way to help you.” Lexa had an extremely soft tone. “You have been distant and I’m worried. I don’t want it. Whatever this is that is bothering you, we’ll get through it.” Tears ran freely on Clarke’s cheek. She was still looking at their hands. “Maybe the alcohol makes you feel better for a while but I’m sure it makes you feel a lot worse later.” Lexa raised Clarke’s head so she could look into her eyes. “You have me. I know I’ve been needing to manage my time between you and Josh.” Clarke clenched her teeth. “But I’m not letting you alone. I need you back, ok? I need you to let me help you.” Clarke couldn’t help but stare at Lexa’s lips. She wished she could just kiss the other girl. Lexa cupped one of Clarke’s cheek and brought her head closer, kissing her forehead where Clarke got the stitches. Clarke closed her eyes and let the sensation invade her entire body. She just wanted to hug Lexa and cry all the water from her body. She wanted to feel protected and safe. But anything was like before. Even if the let her walls down for Lexa, Josh would still be there for Lexa later. Clarke knew she had to get over those feelings.

She stared at Lexa for a couple seconds and left the car.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa got home after that and found Anya waiting for her.

“I heard you earlier.” Anya said. “Did you say you were dating someone?”

“Yes, Anya.” Lexa rolled her eyes. “Josh. Why do you always forget who he is?”

“It’s just my duty.”

“What duty, Anya?” Lexa was confused.

“I’m not Team Josh.” Anya replied, feeling offended with the idea of liking Josh.

“Whose team are you in then?”  
“Jesus, Lexa! How can you be so blind?” Anya asked and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, you guys know what to do haha.   
> Just to be a nice person, let me tell you something about the next chapter: Halloween party, costumes and all. Also, there will be a big thing in the story.   
> See you soon!


	6. Halloween, Halloween! Creepy, crawly Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the Halloween chapter.   
> I must make an observation: this chapter shows something I've never experienced myself. I did a lot of research trying to make this as believable as possible and I hope it's good enough.  
> Also, I would like to thank one of my friends, Stella, who helped me with this chapter, so thanks.  
> Enjoy :)

Lexa was really confused. She could always read Clarke. She could tell when Clarke changed her behavior, but it seemed that this time she wasn’t able. They used to be fine. All she could say was that Clarke seemed deeply hurt about something, she just couldn’t figure out why. Clarke used to tell her everything, she used to search comfort with Lexa.

Lexa wanted to do something but didn’t know what to do. She had been very busy with school and Josh too. He was taking a lot of her time, she knew it. Sometimes, she would even get tired of him. Clarke definitely was a better company. He didn’t like when Lexa mentioned going out with Clarke or being worried about her, and it was annoying Lexa already so she wouldn’t be saying Clarke’s name around him. 

She wondered if something happened to Clarke and it worried her. Why wouldn’t Clarke open up to her? Lexa even thought that she might had done something wrong, but what?

 

 

* * *

 

Later that day, Clarke was playing Shadow of Mordor when her phone buzzed.

**Octavia** : are u at home?

**Clarke** : yes

**Octavia** : can I come over? I’m bored

**Clarke** : sure

**Clarke** : the door is unlocked

She had defeated a bunch of Uruks when she heard the door opening. Octavia jumped on the couch, next to her.

“I wanna play.”

“Not now, O.” Clarke kept her eyes on the screen.

Octavia observed Clarke for a while. Something was wrong.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

“What do you mean?” Clarke was still playing.

“You’ve been different. You are more quiet than normal and sometimes you get upset from nothing.” Clarke didn’t say anything. “What happened?”

“Nothing, O.” She said, clenching her jaw.

Octavia was quiet for a moment but then she remembered about something that happened earlier.

“You flipped out when I told you Lexa picked us up.” Clarke stopped playing and swallowed. She still had the controller in hands. “Does it have something to do with Lexa?”

Clarke couldn’t talk. She just stared at the TV. Octavia was looking at her, waiting for an answer.

“It definitely has something to do with Lexa…” She took the controller from Clarke’s hand and turned the TV off. “What happened?” Octavia insisted. “Clarke, look at me.”

Clarke finally turned to look at her. “I don’t wanna talk about it, O.” She could feel the tears coming, talking about Lexa reminded her that she couldn’t have the girl.

“Well… I’m not leaving until you tell me.” Octavia made herself comfortable on the couch. “You can’t hold things to yourself.”

“I’m just trying to forget.” Pause. “I want to forget.” Clarke said more to herself than to Octavia.

“Forget what?” Octavia was getting irritated.

Clarke knew she would have to tell her. All those feelings about Lexa had messed her up, she couldn’t lie about it. Clarke closed her eyes slowly, letting the tears fall down. She sighed deeply and said.

“I’m in love… With Lexa.” She kept her eyes closed, she didn’t want to see Octavia’s face showing surprise or disgust. She just wanted to sleep and wake up when everything was like before.

For Octavia, it made all sense. Clarke hadn’t been talking about Lexa. They weren’t hanging out as often.

“Does she know?” She kind of knew the answer but she had to make sure.

“Of course no.” Her voice was low and husky. “I just figured out days ago. And now she’s dating.”

“God, it’s all messed up.” Octavia said. “Is this the reason for how much you drank last night?”

Clarke snorted. “I just had to forget about it. She texted me, telling he asked her.” The tears kept falling, quietly. “I couldn’t handle the news.” She said sarcastically.

“Did you tell anyone?”

“My dad knows… He was suspicious, I guess.”

“And do you think Lexa has any clue?”

“I don’t think so and I do not intent to tell her.” She warned Octavia.

“Why not? She is your best friend!”

“Isn’t that a great reason already? I can’t risk our friendship.”

“Yeah, you can’t risk it but you have been avoiding her.”

“Just because every time I see Lexa, Josh is with her.” She snorted. “I’m so tired of him.”

Octavia said nothing, she just stroked Clarke’s back.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_One week later…_ **

****

Clarke had just finished a test and was going home. She was approaching her car when she spotted Octavia and Raven leaning on it.

“Look, O.” Raven poked Octavia. “There she comes, the love of our lives.”

“Ok, you guys need something.” Clarke laughed.

“Yes, we do.” Octavia admitted. “But you’ll have fun too! I mean, not like us but you will.” She smiled.

“What do you need?”

“Have you heard about that Halloween party tomorrow night?” Raven asked.

“Oh, no. I’m not going with you guys.”

“Please, Clarkey! We need a DD.”

“So, you guys want ME to go to a PARTY and do NOT drink?” Both nodded. “That’s odd.”

“I know you won’t be busy, please? I will get you lunch one of these days.” Octavia promised.

Clarke sighed in defeat. “Ok, fine. But you don’t have to pay me with lunch.”

“God, I love you so much that it hurts me.” Raven said and Clarke laughed.

“Text me telling the time I have to pick you up. I guess I have to find a costume, right?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clarke parked outside Raven’s house to pick them. She rang the doorbell and Raven answered the door. She was dressed as Hermione Granger.

“Where’s your wand?” Clarke asked.

“Smooth, Griffin.” She scanned Clarke’s costume. Her white top showed her stomach and her white skirt was a little above the knee. “Jesus Christ, you look hot. Like, really hot.” Raven’s jaw was dropped.

Octavia showed up.

“Hey, wha-” She looked at Clarke. “Oh my god, she’s hot.” She was dressed like an elf. “I’ve never liked Emma Frost so bad.”

“Thanks, guys. Can we go now?”

They entered the car and left to go to the party. The party was being hosted in a big house of some rich guy. There was many people Clarke didn’t know; most of them, to be honest. There was a lot more to drink than the last party they had been to. There was beer, vodka, tequila, margarita, cheap whisky, gin, and some non-alcoholic drink.

Lots of people were already pretty drunk. Weird people doing weird things. Clarke even saw a couple searching for a bedroom but it seemed that the house owner locked all the doors of the rooms that weren’t supposed to be used. The living room was wide and people seemed to be using that room to take a break from the craziness.

Many guys and even a few girls, were eyeing Clarke from head to toe. She was looking really good, she knew it. She also knew that she wasn’t going to have too much fun but she would rather be the DD than having her friends to find a way to go back home while they were drunk.

Clarke headed to the kitchen to get her drink. Her non-alcoholic drink. On her way back to the living room, she spotted Raven and Octavia dancing together on the dancefloor. She sat on the couch and observed the space around her.  She watched a guy that seemed to be high. He was walking around and claiming he was seeing things.

She was absorbed deeply in her thoughts when a guy dressed as Cyclops arrived. Clarke couldn’t see his eyes or hair, but he definitely had a nice jaw and mouth.

“Guess I just found my date.” He joked about the fact that she was dressed as Emma Frost and Emma had had a relationship with Cyclops.

She just laughed. “Maybe you are right.” She wasn’t really interested but she would like some company.

He sat beside her and they initiated some kind of conversation. He seemed nice and he was funny. His name was Dan. They kept talking when Dan noticed Clarke’s empty cup.

“Hey, I’ll get you a refill.” He took her cup. “What were you having?”

“Oh, just the non-alcoholic drink. I’m the DD tonight.” She told him, who nodded and left.

Clarke was wondering if she would get to see his face without the hoodie. He came back, smiling and handed her the cup.

“Thanks.” She said.

They continued their conversation and Clarke started to feel a little odd but she pushed that thought away. As Dan talked, she started to feel her heart rate increase, her vision wasn’t clear. Something was really wrong and she was getting scared. She wanted to call one of her friends but her body wasn’t obeying. Clarke heard Dan saying something but she couldn’t even understand. Her head and stomach started to ache. She felt like she was being lifted. Her breathing wasn’t coordinated. That was all she felt before she passed out.

 

* * *

 

 

Raven and Octavia were still dancing, a little tipsy but they were fine. Raven had noticed that Clarke was talking to some guy. After sometime, she said to Octavia.

“Hey, O. Let’s go check up on Clarke.” She turned to point to the spot where Clarke was. “She is right ther- What the fuck? I just saw her.”

Octavia looked to the couch confused. She started to look around when she saw some guy carrying Clarke, who seemed to be unconscious.

“Look! There!” Raven spotted the guy exiting the house and both of them rushed outside.

He was in the middle of the yard when the girls reached him.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Octavia shouted. Dan turned to look at them.

“LET HER GO, YOU ASSHOLE.” Raven added.

Before he could answer, Clarke started throwing up so he had to put her down. Raven took the chance to punch him right on the jaw. He pushed her and ran away. He still had his costume on.

Meanwhile, Octavia had turned Clarke to the side so she wouldn’t choke on her vomit. Raven kneeled next to them. When Clarke was done puking, they tried to talk to her.

“Clarke, wake up.” Octavia was extremely desperate. She was slapping Clarke gently on the face but the girl kept her eyes mostly closed. “Raven, she is not answering.”

“She seems to have a problem breathing.” She got closer to Clarke to check her breathing. “O, call 911. NOW.”

Octavia took her phone with shaky hands and called 911. During the time they waited for the ambulance, they kept checking her vitals. Clarke was sweating and mumbling something they couldn’t get it.

When the paramedics got there, they asked few questions to the Raven and Octavia. All they could tell them was what they saw. They got Clarke in the vehicle and headed to the hospital.

Raven decided to call a cab and go to the hospital.

“I have to call Lexa.” Octavia said.

“Good idea.”

Octavia talked to Lexa and then turned to Raven.

“She is near the hospital, she is going there right now.”

The cab arrived and they got in.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa was driving around the city just because she was bored. When her phone went off, she was leaving Starbucks. When Octavia told her something had happened to Clarke and she was going to the hospital, she started to shake. Fortunately, she was near the hospital. She took a deep breath and drove there. She parked the car and rushed inside the ER. She didn’t have to wait long until the ambulance arrived.

Lexa stood up as the paramedics took Clarke out of the vehicle. Clarke had an oxygen mask and she was looking terrible. When they entered somewhere she wasn’t allowed to, she headed to the front desk to talk to a nurse. She asked if Dr. Griffin had a shift and thank god she did. She explained who Clarke was and the nurse said she would find a way to inform Abby about Clarke.

Lexa sat down again and waited. She didn’t know what had happened but she was really afraid. She didn’t have time to think too much about it because Raven and Octavia had arrived. As soon as she saw then, she got up.

“What happened?” She snapped at them.

“We don’t really know. I saw her talking to some guy and decided to go check on her.” Raven explained. “I turned to take O with me and when we looked to the spot she was, she was gone.”

“Then I saw the guy carrying her on his arms and leaving the house.”

“We ran outside and Clarke started throwing up so he put her on the ground and I punched him. He pushed me and ran away.” Raven added.

“As soon as we noticed Clarke was unconscious, we called 911.”

Lexa could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Was she drinking?” She asked again.

“No! She was our DD. She was having a non-alcoholic drink.” Octavia explained.

“She was drugged.” Lexa let her body fall down on the chair. She started sobbing uncontrolled.

Raven and Octavia sat next to her and their tears fell too. Lexa felt a heavy pain on her chest. She wanted to wake up from some horrible nightmare. She thought about the guy and turned to Raven.

“Didn’t you recognize the guy?” She hoped Raven did.

“No, his face was covered up.” She told Lexa. “All I can tell you is that he was dressed like Cyclops, from the X-Men.”

“Fuck!” Lexa buried her face on her hands.

The tears kept rolling down her face. Jake entered the ER in a rush and came to meet them. Lexa couldn’t move. She couldn’t talk, so she let her friends fill him in with info. When they were done, Lexa felt Jake approach her and leaning down, he placed a kiss to the top of her head.

They waited for a while. When Abby finally showed up, everyone stood up.

“So?” Jake asked. Abby looked 10 years older.

“She was drugged.” She snorted and her eyes were filled with water. “Someone gave her a big dose of ketamine. I didn’t find any sign of alcohol in her blood.” She was exhausted. “She is still unconscious, all we can do is wait. Her blood pressure increased and her heart rate too. She is having some difficulty to breathe so she has the oxygen mask on.” Abby was about to break down so Jake got up and embraced her.

“She will be fine, honey.” He stroked Abby’s back.

After a moment, Lexa asked her.

“Will we be able to see her?”

“Yes, but not now. They are still running some tests. When the tests get done and she is stabilized, we’ll move her to another room and then you guys can go see her.” Everyone nodded and waited.

 

 

About an hour or two later, they were able to go see her. Jake went first, then Raven and Octavia. Lexa wanted to be the last one. She had asked Abby to let her stay with Clarke. At first, Abby told her she should go home but Lexa refused so she gave up.

When Lexa entered the room, everything was so quiet, all she could hear was the blipping. She took a chair and placed it next to where Clarke was laid. She took the girl’s hand and placed a kiss on the top of it, then the leaned her face on Clarke’s hand as her tears fell once more.

“I need you.” She whispered. “Don’t leave me alone. I couldn’t bear it again, especially without you.”

She rested her head on the mattress, never letting go of Clarke’s hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a big research of ketamine. I read a lot of statements and tried to take all I could. If you have experienced that and somehow doesn't agree with me, I'm sorry. I based this on infos I read.   
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed it. See you soon!


	7. Bad Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So, we'll find Dan at some time but not now. Don't worry, I did not forget him.

Lexa woke up with someone stroking the back of her hand. When she realized it was Clarke, she raised her head immediately.

“Oh my god!” She murmured as she got up. She placed a hand on Clarke’s cheek and placed a long kiss to her forehead. The tears started to fall again. “I thought I would lose you.” She sat back on the chair, still holding Clarke’s hand. “How long have you been awake?”

“Few minutes, I guess. I can’t tell.” Her voice was husky. “Lexa, what happened?” She looked at Lexa.

“You… You can’t remember?”

“I have few memories but not much.”

Lexa sighed and placed another kiss to Clarke’s hand.

“Some guy drugged you, during that Halloween party you were at with Raven and O.” She stared at Clarke. “If you remember anything, let us know. Maybe we can find him.” Clarke just nodded. “I should probably call your mom.”

Few minutes later, Abby and some other doctor came in. They ran other tests and Abby asked Clarke about the guy but she couldn’t remember his name, just how he was dressed.

When everything was done once again, Lexa came back to the room.

“I should have been there. You shouldn’t be alone.” She said.

“What could have you done?”

“I don’t know but maybe it would be helpful…”

“I was stupid Lexa. I let him refill my cup when I should have done it myself. He just seemed so nice… I didn’t think he would do something like that.” Tears filled her eyes.

“It wasn’t your fault. But what really matter is that you are here now.” She looked at Clarke again. “How are you feeling?”

“Awful.”

“We are getting through this, ok?” Lexa squeezed her hand and Clarke nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke had been unconscious for about 7 hours. After the doctor said she didn’t have any sequels, she was discharged from hospital. Lexa spent the rest of the weekend with Clarke and also all her free time during the first week. When everything was back to normal, so was Clarke and Lexa’s relationship before the incident.

After Clarke left the hospital, she gave all the information about that night so the police could track the guy. She remembered his name but unfortunately she couldn’t tell much about his feature.

Clarke loved the time Lexa stayed with her but she couldn’t forget that she still was with Josh. She missed Lexa and she thought she would be better off her than having to handle Josh. She slowly started to distance from Lexa. It did hurt but maybe it was for the better.

 

* * *

 

 

Anya noticed that something was wrong between Lexa and Clarke. She used to see Clarke in her house all the time but now, all she could see was the asshole of Lexa’s boyfriend. Anya didn’t know what Lexa could possible like about him. He was so weird. Maybe she was just killing time with him.

She knocked on Lexa’s door. After her sister said she could come in, she stepped inside.

“What is happening between you and Blondie?” She sat on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t know. She’s been weird since the beginning of the semester. She’s been upset but she won’t tell me what it is.” Lexa snorted. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I know I was busy but it seems that Clarke and Josh doesn’t like each other so I have to manage my free time between them.”

“She doesn’t like to hang out with you when you are with him?” Anya sounded innocent.

“Not really. When she decides to hang out, it has to be only both of us.” Lexa felt exhausted. “She’s been distant and I can’t do anything because I don’t know what is going on.”

Anya could see sadness on her sister’s face.

“Maybe you should just think about the improbable” Lexa seemed confused but Anya just left the room.

Of course Anya could read the signs. Clarke was clearly in love with Lexa and didn’t like Josh. Clarke was in love with Lexa and Lexa had no idea.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke, Raven, and Octavia decided to travel to a small down during the weekend before Thanksgiving week. Raven’s grandma lived in the town so they would stay with her. They would leave Friday right after school and Raven would drive. Clarke had told her parents she would turn her phone off during the weekend, so if they needed to talk to her, they would have to call Raven or Octavia. Jake gave her a look showing that he understood the reason but Clarke knew he didn’t approve it.

It wasn’t a long way until they reach the city but it took enough time to have some fun inside the car. When they got there, Raven parked the car, and settled in the house. They had a big room to share. Clarke and Octavia were in the room, so Raven showed up.

“So, grandma just told me there is a bonfire somewhere tonight. What do you guys think?”

“I’m in.” Octavia said.

“Me too.”

“Fine then. Guess we have plans.” Raven winked.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa wanted to spend some time during the weekend with Clarke. She had already told Josh she would be a little busy during the weekend so she would let him know when they could meet.

 **Lexa** : Hey

 **Lexa** : What are your plans for the weekend?

She texted Clarke and waited. Clarke probably wasn’t close to her phone, so Lexa decided to take a nap. About two hours later, she took her phone and unlocked the screen. No text messages. Clarke not answering her texts was something new to her. She grabbed her keys and drove to Clarke’s house. When she got there, she rang the doorbell and Abby answered the door.

“Come in, Lexa.” Abby moved to the side so Lexa could pass.

“Thanks, Abby. Is Clarke in her room?”

Abby looked confused. “She is gone for the weekend.” She tilted her head, trying to read Lexa’s face. “Didn’t she tell you?”

“Hm… No.” Lexa felt extremely disappointed. Why didn’t Clarke tell her?

“I’m sorry, honey. She went to a small town with Raven and Octavia. I didn’t know you were not going.”

“It’s ok.” It wasn’t. “I should go then. Thanks anyway.”

She headed to her car and got inside. After the news, she was sure her friendship was sinking. Clarke didn’t invite her; she didn’t even tell Lexa about it. She reached for her phone and dialed Clarke’s number. Her phone was off. Lexa started her car and drove back home.

 

* * *

 

 

The three of them were ready to go to the bonfire. Raven took a six-pack of beer her grandma had in the freezer.

“Are we good?” Octavia asked.

“Yes, ready to go.” Raven said.

They headed to the place where the bonfire would happen. There was a lot of people there and the bonfire was bigger than Clarke thought. People from all ages were there: there were kids next to the fire with marshmallows or sausages on sticks; there were some groups chatting; some people star gazing; some were drinking; some were dancing. The three girls sat somewhere not too far from the fire and engaged on a conversation.

“So, I think it’s time for me to ask.” Raven said. “Why isn’t Lexa here?”

Clarke blinked and took a sip from her beer. “I didn’t invite her.”

“Well, I can tell.” Raven said and Octavia just watched. “Why didn’t you invite her? I’ve noticed something wrong with you two.”

“She probably had plans with Josh already.” His name burned in her throat.

“How could you tell? You didn’t even ask her.” Raven wanted to understand.

“I couldn’t, Raven. Can you drop it now?”

“No, not really.” Raven looked at her. “I’m your friend and I’m worried. Why couldn’t Lexa be here with us tonight?”

Clarke sighed and finished her beer. She changed her position so she could look at Raven. “Lexa couldn’t be here because I’m in love with her. I’m in love with my best friend and I’m trying to get over it.” Raven’s jaw dropped. Octavia was quiet, just sipping her beer.

Raven closed her mouth and swallowed. “Well, that explains. Did you tell her?”

“Hell no. I couldn’t and now she is dating so there is no way I’m doing it. I won’t risk the friendship.”

“Clarke, your friendship with her is already dying.”

Clarke snorted. “I know but I can’t help it. I can’t handle Josh, and most of the time she’s with him.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was Saturday night and Lexa was watching a movie with Josh at her house.

“You seem upset, what is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, you wanna tell me. What is it?”

Lexa didn’t really want to talk about it but she knew how Josh could be annoying sometimes.

“I’m just worried about Clarke and our friendship. Something is wrong and she is closed off. I can’t find a way to reach her.”

He snorted deeply and Lexa changed her position to look at him.

“Everything is about Clarke. Aren’t you tired of her? You have me now, I’m your friend too.”                              

  
“I can’t fucking believe what you just said.” She was mad at him now. “How dare you?”

“Lexa, I’m your boyfriend and I’m also your friend. Chill out, you don’t need her all the time.”

Lexa stood up from the couch and faced him. “Listen to me. She’s been in my life since we were kids and it’s not because I have a boyfriend now that I’m abandoning her. Listen to yourself Josh, you are being selfish and stupid.”

Josh clearly didn’t like what she just said. He stood up and headed to the front door.

“I’m leaving.” He said and left.

Lexa was so tired of everything. She turned the TV off and walked to her bedroom. She took her phone.

 **Lexa** : Hey, I miss you. Text me asap.

She sent the text to Clarke and laid on bed, where she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

The weekend was pretty good for Clarke and her friends. They didn’t have many things to do but she kept her mind busy. They played some board games and card games. They baked some cookies with Raven’s grandma and visited some places. Sunday came and they had to go back. They left the town after lunch and got to their city in the middle of the afternoon.

When Clarke got home, she unpacked her backpack and headed to the shower. She toweled up and grabbed her phone, turning it on. She had 3 new messages from Lexa.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa had nothing to do so she stayed on bed all day, like she usually did every Sunday. She was almost asleep when her phone buzzed. She rushed to grab it, hoping it was Clarke.

 **Josh** : hey I’m sorry for yesterday, I was being stupid

 **Josh** : I wanna make it up to u, what about a date on Wednesday night?

 **Josh** : I will have to leave the city the next day to go to my auntie’s for thanksgiving so we could have a date on Wednesday at my house

Lexa was still mad at him, but she felt bad denying his invitation when he was trying to be nice.

 **Lexa** : OK

She was disappointed the text wasn’t from Clarke so she tossed her phone and hugged her pillow. She was fast asleep within minutes.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Wednesday before thanksgiving. Clarke had replied Lexa’s text. She didn’t give a good excuse but Lexa was satisfied she got a reply at least. Each day they had been talking less and less. Lexa was sad, she couldn’t see any progress in their friendship.

She wasn’t really in the mood to go to Josh’s house but she had hope he wouldn’t be acting like an asshole and could even help her to forget what was bringing her pain.

In the evening, she left her house and drove to Josh’s. When she got there, he had already ordered pizza. They ate and sat on the couch to keep watching a TV show they had started.

“So… Are we good?” He turned to her and asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m really sorry. I think I just got a little jealous because she is really important to you.”

“Yeah, she really is.” Lexa smiled.

Josh leaned forward slowly. Lexa just stayed steady. He attached his lips to hers. The kiss was slow but then he deepened it. He put a hand on Lexa’s waist and squeezed. She placed a hand on his neck and he took it as a sign he could keep going, so he brought her to his lap.

Lexa knew what was about to happen. They were kissing while she was thinking about it; if she was ready for it. Josh was Lexa’s first boyfriend so that would be her first time and maybe after everything, it would be good to feel something she would probably really enjoy so she made her decision. It was time. She wanted to feel something.

It seemed like Josh could read her mind because couple minutes later, he stood up still holding Lexa and headed to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you probably want to kill me, right? I'm sorry but that's how it goes. However, I can assure you next chapter will be more... Acceptable? I couldnt really say it will be a happy one but it will bring relief.  
> #TeamAnya  
> See ya!


	8. Heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, humans.  
> I have to say, this chapter was a difficult one to write again and you will understand why.  
> Please, read the notes at the end.

Clarke felt her phone buzzing and woke up to it. It was 1:12am and someone was calling her. She took her phone from her nightstand table and looked at the screen. Lexa was the one calling her. It wasn’t something common to have Lexa calling in the middle of the night, so she answered the phone.

“Lexa?” She said and waited.

“Clarke… Are you at home?” Lexa had a very low and awkward tone.

“Yes.”

“Can I…” She sighed. “Can I come in?”

“Are you outside?” Clarke was surprised.

“Yeah.”

“Hold on.” Clarke finished the call and rushed to the front door.

She opened the door to find a very upset Lexa.

“Hey…” Clarke said with a soft voice and Lexa walked towards her. “What happened?”

Lexa didn’t say anything, she just hugged Clarke and buried her face on the crook of Clarke’s neck. Clarke knew something had happened and hopefully, Lexa would tell her eventually. Clarke stroked her back while Lexa just tried to feel comfort around someone she truly trusted.

“Let’s go to my room, ok?” Lexa nodded and let Clarke take her hand, guiding her to the bedroom.

Clarke opened the door and both of them stepped in. She closed the door and looked at Lexa. Lexa couldn’t say anything, everything she could do was feeling everything. She let go of Clarke’s hand and sat on the floor, leaning her back on Clarke’s bed. She held her knees up to her chest and rested her head on her knees. Clarke sat beside her, facing Lexa.

“What’s wrong, Lex?” Lexa couldn’t remember the last time she had heard Clarke’s voice so soft like it was now.

Lexa raised her head again and Clarke took the chance to grab Lexa’s hand between hers. She kissed the back of Lexa’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Lexa leaned her head on Clarke’s shoulder and they stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other. Both of them missed moments like that and after few months, they could feel that connection again. Being next to each other was enough for now.

 

When Clarke thought it was time to try to talk to Lexa, she squeezed the girl’s hand gently.

“Lex, what happened?” Lexa didn’t say anything, she just sighed.

Clarke turned to look at her and she saw that tears were falling silently.

“I know something happened and I’m not letting you go until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Clarke stood up and helped Lexa up too. She took the girl’s jacket off and told her to take hers shoes off too. She climbed on the bed and Lexa followed her. They laid down, facing each other.

Lexa couldn’t look deep into Clarke’s eyes. Somehow, she felt ashamed. She wasn’t ready to tell her what happened. More tears fell and then she started sobbing.

“Hey, come here.” Clarke said softly and opened her arms for Lexa.

Lexa moved closer to Clarke and snuggled next to her. It was too much for Clarke; she couldn’t hold her tears any longer. The last time she had seen Lexa any close to this, was when Liza passed away. It hurt her a lot, Lexa was always strong but now she was hundred percent vulnerable. She started to massage Lexa’s scalp trying to calm her but Lexa was totally not ok.

“Please, tell me what happened. I can’t see you like this.” Clarke whispered.

Lexa took couple minutes to calm and be able to talk. She sighed deeply that Clarke could almost feel her pain.

“I… I slept with Josh.” She said and more tears fell, not just her tears but also Clarke’s. Clarke’s mouth went dry and she felt like she had been hit by a big truck.

Clarke swallowed before asking. “Did he force you to do it?”

Lexa shook her head. “No. But I…” She started to sob again and Clarke held her tighter. “I was sad. Sad with everything going on between us.” She motioned to Clarke and herself. “How you had been drinking, how I almost lost you, how you have been pushing me away…” Lexa wasn’t blaming Clarke, she would never. She was just trying to clear things. “I wanted to feel something. Something good and I thought that maybe sex would bring it. But I was wrong.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, mostly because she didn’t have anything to say. She didn’t know what to say. She wanted to take the pain away from Lexa but she couldn’t, all she could do was listen and hold her.

“I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t. It was… terrible.” Her voice was shaky. “But you don’t want and you don’t need to hear about it. I won’t tell you.”

“Lexa, if you don’t want to tell me that’s ok, but if you know it will make you feel better, please do.”

Lexa snorted and continued. “I wasn’t comfortable nor relaxed but I thought it was normal because you know, it was my first time.” She took some air. “It hurt a lot, was completely painful but he… He didn’t really care. He never asked me if I was ok, if he could keep going. I thought it would be something a little special but it seemed so normal to him. It was a mess and I didn’t like it at all. And now I feel…” She just shook her head and didn’t say anything else.

“Talk to me. Tell me how you feel.” Clarke tried to encourage her.

“I feel ashamed. Dirty. I regret every bit of what happened. It feels like I was… Ripped. Literally.” She closed her eyes. “It still hurts. But I guess that this is not what hurts more… What really hurts is that I can’t take it back. I can’t go back in time and not do it. It was taken and I’m never going to get it back.”

Clarke closed her eyes and said nothing. She was still processing everything Lexa had gone through. It hurt Clarke too. She loved Lexa like she didn’t love anyone else and seeing her like that broke her heart. It hurt Clarke to know that the person she loved had had something more intimate with someone else other than herself, but seeing Lexa like that was a lot more painful.

She brought Lexa closer and kissed her forehead.

“I’m so sorry.” She cried. “I would do anything to make you feel better, anything to take your pain away but I know I can’t do much.” She let go of Lexa and stood up. “Come on, first thing you need is a bath. Maybe you will feel better.”

Lexa nodded and got up. Clarke was turning on her knees but Lexa took her wrist and brought her back, hugging her again.

“Please, promise you won’t push me away after this. I can’t handle it.”

Clarke didn’t want to do it and she also couldn’t take it anymore. She needed Lexa too.

“I promise. I won’t do it again.” She freed herself. “Come.”

Clarke prepared Lexa’s bath and handed her a towel.

“You can get in. I will find you some clothes to sleep, just don’t lock the door and I will leave it here for you.” Lexa nodded.

Clarke left the bathroom and grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants. She left it next to the sink and said.

“Take your time ok? I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Thanks, Clarke.”

Clarke waited. She couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for what happened to Lexa. If she hadn’t pushed her away, maybe Lexa wouldn’t have the need to feel something and done it. Lexa saying she couldn’t take back what happened, made Clarke’s heart break every time she remembered her friend saying it. She cried silently until Lexa was done and came back to the room. Clarke held the duvet up so Lexa could get under it. She took Lexa’s hand and brought her closer, cuddling her.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away. I won’t do it again. If I hadn’t… Maybe you wouldn’t have done tha-” Lexa cut her off.

“It wasn’t your fault. I was stupid enough to do it. I was messed up and I thought it would help but I know better now.” Lexa sighed.

“I know you want to know why I was acting like that and why I’ve been upset, but I’m not ready to tell you yet, ok?” Lexa couldn’t understand why but she nodded. “It’s not a big deal, I swear. I will tell you when I’m ready but it doesn’t matter now.” She looked into Lexa’s eyes. “Did the bath make you feel any better?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Does it...” Clarke hesitated, it was such a personal matter. “Does it still hurt?”

Lexa knew Clarke meant the physical pain. She closed her eyes. “Yes.” She breathed out.

Clarke felt a pain inside her chest and held Lexa tighter. “You said to me before and now I’m saying it to you: we’ll get through this. Together.”

Lexa sighed in relief and nodded.

“Can I just ask you something else? Before we sleep? I promise I won’t ask anything else.”

“Sure.”

“Didn’t you think about telling him to stop?”

“I did but again, I thought it could be normal, I thought it would be ok. To be honest, deep down I knew it wasn’t normal. I was so stupid.” She sighed. “I just wanted it to be good and I hoped it would get better. I guess we are supposed to have sex with someone we really like and Josh… I mean, he’s not a bad person but I don’t really like him. He annoys me a lot, he’s close minded.”

Clarke thought about it. If she was supposed to have sex with someone she really liked, she already knew who it was but she wouldn’t think about it. Especially now.

“You are right, but we are done talking about this now. You’ll stay here for Thanksgiving tomorrow. And also the entire weekend. Is that ok?”

“There is no better place than where my best friend in the world is.”

“Such a sap, like always.” Clarke chuckled.

“Ok but I’m serious. Thanks for helping me. And sorry for keeping you up.”

“What are friends for?”

Lexa snuggled closer to Clarke and they drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

When Clarke woke up she was still holding Lexa and Lexa had her head on Clarke’s chest. She started to play with Lexa’s hair, remembering about what happened. Lexa could either wake up and feel better or could wake up feeling a lot worse. She kept playing with Lexa’s hair until she heard a deep sigh.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like it’s a good time for me to die.” Lexa rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands.

“And how would I be able to pass math without you?” Clarke tried to make Lexa relax a little.

“You wouldn’t.” Lexa let out a soft laugh.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really…”

“Lex, you have to eat. Come on, I will cook anything you want.”

Lexa groaned but stood up anyway. They brushed their teeth and headed to the kitchen. Jake was there checking stuff for Thanksgiving.

“Good morning, girls.” He risked something from his list as Clarke and Lexa greeted him. “I saw your car parked outside” He turned to Lexa. “So I assumed you would stay and invited your father and your sister to come for Thanksgiving.”

“It’s really nice of you.”

“Nah.” He smiled and left.

Clarke cooked breakfast and after that they went back to Clarke’s room. She tried to keep Lexa’s mind busy all the time but frequently she would notice how Lexa’s eyes were glowing. The girl was probably trying to be strong and don’t break down again. It wasn’t good for her but Clarke didn’t say anything.

They ate a lot during dinner and they helped to clean up after. Lexa’s father didn’t notice anything wrong with her but Anya probably felt that something was wrong. She couldn’t stop staring at Lexa. Anya and Kyle left after Lexa telling them she would stay the weekend.

While Lexa was watching TV and Clarke was looking for something in the kitchen, Jake approached her.

“Hey, kiddo. Is Lexa ok?”

“Not really, dad. But she will be.”

“Does she know?” Clarke knew what he meant.

“No. I didn’t say anything.” He just nodded and she headed back to the living room.

Clarke sat beside Lexa and Lexa her head on Clarke’s shoulder instantly.

“I’ll break up with Josh.”

“It will make you feel better, right?” Clarke loved the idea but she couldn’t say anything, she had to be neutral.

“Yes. I don’t really like him. I can’t even imagine him close to me anymore.” She faked a shiver.

“Will you wait for him to come back so you can talk to him face to face?”

“Yes, however, I wish I could end up through a text message.”

“Hopefully you will be able to do it soon so you will feel better.”

“Yeah…”

 

* * *

 

 

Josh was back in the city the next day. Clarke drove Lexa to his house and Lexa broke up with him. She told him she never felt really comfortable around him and it would be better to end things now. He tried to talk to her about it but she was sure about her decision and left the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was crazy, right?  
> First of all, I know you guys are probably mad at me, but let me assure you: it will get better now.  
> For this chapter, I alse read a lot of statements of many girls and women. It's something delicate and I hope it will help people think about it if they are in the same situation or something close to that.  
> I must assure you something, since people don't get it sometimes: it was totally consensual, Lexa was aware of everthing. What I want you guys to see is that she didn't expected things like that. She didn't feel comfortable and it happens with many people.  
> Anyways, let me know if you didn't understand anything, I'll be happy to clear things for you.  
> See you all later!


	9. I won't shed a tear, just as long as you stand, stand by me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is something to soothe your heart.

The first week since what happened to Lexa was the worst. She had a hard time trying to forget what happened. She still felt uncomfortable with her body but she was getting better, especially because she had Clarke to help her. Slowly, they were getting closer again.

After school, Clarke went home to leave her stuff and shower. She drove to Lexa’s house then. She knew the door would be unlocked so she let herself in. She got to Lexa’s room and she heard the shower on so she laid on the bed to wait for her. When Lexa was finally done, Clarke was almost asleep.

“I see you like my bed.” Lexa exited the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel.

“I do.” Clarke mumbled.

She had her cheek on Lexa’s pillow and she loved the smell the pillow had, since it was Lexa’s. Lexa dropped the towel and sat on the bed.

“Do you have plans for the weekend?”

“Not yet, unless you do.” Clarke kept her eyes closed.

Lexa moved closer to Clarke, lifted her head and placed on her lap. She started to play with blonde curls.

“Not really, finals are coming so I just want to relax.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They stayed quiet for a minute.

“Have you applied for any college?” Lexa asked.

“Yes, a few. Have you?”

“Yep. Hope we can get into the same university. What about your major?”

“Now I’m sure. I wasn’t sure before because I thought maybe I was being influenced by my mom, but I’m sure now. Med School waits for me.”

“I’m glad. I’ll always have a doctor when I need.” Both girls laughed.

“And I will have someone to design and build my house.”

“Yes, you will.”

Clarke took a moment to think about the future. Where would she be in 5 years? 10 years? She didn’t know but all her thought about future Lexa was with her. She looked at Lexa. The girl was distracted, staring at something else. How could someone have a face like that? Her skin was so smooth, her eyes were so deep and at the same time so soft, caring. And her lips. Damn, those lips were carved by god himself. Plump lips, slightly pink. Lips that also seemed to be so, so soft. Clarke couldn’t tear her eyes of them, she really wanted to feel them. She just couldn’t.

Lexa noticed that Clarke was staring at her but she pretended she didn’t notice. She was probably reflecting about something. Lexa still didn’t know why Clarke was upset but she didn’t push her. Especially when Clarke wasn’t pushing her away anymore, it could be too risky to push Clarke to say why she was upset.

“What are you thinking about?” Lexa asked and turned to look at her.

“Future.”

“What about future?”

“I don’t know anything about it, I don’t have many plans but I want you to be there.” Clarke knew she was being a big sap but she didn’t care.

“You are not getting rid of me so easy, Griffin.” Lexa smiled.

“I guess I’m not.” Clarke laughed.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Saturday again and Lexa came to Clarke’s house. They decided to watch a movie or something.

“What are we watching?” Clarke asked.

Lexa took the game she brought and showed to Clarke. “How about I kick your ass?” She had Mortal Kombat X in hands.

“Kick my ass? You wish!” Clarke took the game and headed to her PS4.

She handed a controller to Lexa and sat on the couch beside her. They started to look for characters to pick.

“Liu Kang is a cliché.” Lexa said.

“Yes, that’s why I’m going with…” She scrolled and pushed the X button. “Smoke!”

“Well, Scorpion is my chosen one.” Lexa pushed the X button.

They started the game. Both of them were really good, but Lexa was kicking Clarke’s ass.

“Get over here!” Lexa mimicked Scorpion’s voice when he threw his chain and dragged Smoke closer.

“LEXA! Stop it.” Clarke pushed the buttons trying to free her player.

“It’s just a game, Clarke. You win or you die.” Lexa laughed.

“I hate you.” Clarke pouted when Smoke was defeated.

“No, you don’t.” Lexa grinned. “Ok, now I’m picking… Cassie Cage.”

“Well, she is hot.” Clarke said before she could contain her mouth and Lexa laughed.

“Yes, she is. Who are you picking?”

“Kenshi.”

This time, Clarke kicked Lexa’s ass. She lost two rounds consecutive.

“It seems that the hottie one can’t take someone that can’t even see.” Clarke teased.

“Just wait for this time.”

Lexa picked Kitana and Clarke picked Tanya.

“Girl to girl.” Clarke said.

“Let’s see who’s the best.”

Lexa was beating Clarke’s character again.

“LEXA STOP. LET ME WIN.”

“I’M SORRY, GRIFFIN BUT THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.” Lexa burst into laughter.

Clarke lost again and snorted.

“Ok, let’s start over but this time the winner will get to ask something in exchange.”

“Deal.”

“We’ll fight 3 times and then we are done.”

“Fine.”

The first fight Lexa picked Quan Chi and Clarke picked D’Vorah. Lexa won.

The second fight Lexa picked Sub-Zero and Clarke picked Liu Kang. Clarke won.

“Ok, it’s time.” Clarke said. “I’m going with Sub-Zero.”

“Reptile.”

Lexa was beating Clarke again but suddenly Clarke turned the tables. She gave Reptile a Fatality.

“Nooooooooooo!” Lexa whined.

“Loser.” Clarke smirked. “I think I already know what I want.”

“Oh god… What?”

“First you need to put a t-shirt and shorts on.”

“What the fuck are you doing with me?”

“Go and you’ll find out.”

Lexa huffed and headed to Clarke’s room. When she got back, she was dressed like Clarke asked.

“Good girl. Now you will stay outside for an hour.”

“Are you out of your mind? It’s fucking cold outside!”

“Lexa! You promised you would do what I asked if I won.” She pouted.

“Just because you are looking adorable right now.” Lexa turned and exited the house.

Clarke placed a chair next to the window to watch Lexa while she was outside. Lexa was mouthing something to Clarke, she seemed angry but all Clarke could do was laugh. Lexa had her arms crossed and were trying to warm up. The hour passed and she got inside.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you.” Lexa said between her teeth.

“No, you won’t.” Clarke waved her off.

“I’m going to take a hot shower, but when I come back, you better hide or I will murder your horrible self.”

Lexa enjoyed the hot water very much. She put a t-shirt and then a sweatshirt and sweatpants. She still felt cold. When she got to the living room again, Clarke was watching some cartoon she couldn’t remember the name.

“I told you to hide before I got back.” Lexa said. “FYI, I’m still cold.”

“Stop bitching around and come here.” Clarke opened her arms to Lexa.

Clarke loved being close to Lexa in any way possible and she wouldn’t let her feelings ruin her friendship. Lexa walked towards her and let Clarke warm her.

Later, Lexa went back home and Clarke decided to review her school notes.

 

 

 

 

Sunday morning, Clarke dialed Lexa’s number.

“Hello?” Lexa answered the phone with a twangy voice.

“What happened to your voice?”

“Well, let’s see… My so called best friend made me stand in the cold for one hour yesterday and now I got a cold.”

“You kidding, right?”

“Does my voice says I’m fine?”

“Oh Jesus, I’m coming over.”

“No.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I’ll pass it to you.”

“And whose fault is that you got the cold?”

“Yours.”

“Yep, so I’m going. Bye.”

Before Lexa could answer, Clarke finished the call. She got dressed and left her house. She parked outside Lexa’s and got in. She stepped inside Lexa’s room and found the girl underneath many blankets.

“I wrecked you, didn't I?” Clarke asked.

“I should have killed you yesterday.” Her voice was so funny.

“You couldn’t.” Clarke moved towards Lexa so she could actually see her face. “You do look terrible. Did you eat something?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want some tea?”

“No.”

“I know you do. I’ll be right back.”

Clarke left the room and headed to the kitchen. She went back to Lexa’s room when the tea was ready.

“Sit up, Lexa.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t bring me a straw.” She sat up.

“Here, take these.” Clarke gave her two pills.

“What are there?”

“Mom told me to give to you. Just swallow it.”

Lexa put them in her mouth and took a gulp from her tea. She laid back when she was finished. Clarke took the cup and placed it somewhere, then she laid beside Lexa, who had her back for Clarke. Clarke moved closer and placed her arm across Lexa’s waist, bringing her closer.

“Now we’ll take a good nap because you need to rest and later, I’ll make you something to eat.”

“Clarke, if you stay that close to me I will pass it to you.” Lexa could feel Clarke’s breathing on the back of her neck.

“I don’t care, Lexa.”

 

 

 

Clarke was in the kitchen heating the chicken noodle soup she found. She headed back to the bedroom and crouched next to Lexa to wake her up.

“Hey, wake up sleepyhead.” She whispered. Lexa didn’t move. “Wake up, Lex. You need to eat.”

Lexa sighed and opened her eyes slowly. Clarke stood up once more.

“I brought you some soup.”

Lexa sat up on bed and took the soup.

“I can see your remorse. Never let me in the cold outside again.”

Clarke giggled. “I won’t.” Clarke took Lexa’s laptop and hooked it to the TV. “Let’s watch the finale from Sense8.” Lexa nodded.

They watched the finale and when it was over, Clarke turned to look at Lexa to find her sleeping again.

“Oh god, she is such a baby. I can’t even stay quiet that she falls asleep.”

Clarke snuggled next to Lexa and they fell asleep once more.

 

Clarke woke up for the third time that day and Lexa was cuddling her this time. She couldn’t deny the fact that it was comfy. And it was even better when she remembered she didn’t have to share Lexa with Josh anymore.

“I need winter break.” Lexa said and Clarke almost had a heart attack.

“Don’t. Ever. Do. That. Again.” Clarke said.

“What?” Lexa laughed. “I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault you startled.”

“I won’t take care of you next time.”

“You know you will. I can’t die.” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Just because I need you to pass math, ok?”

“Good enough for me.”

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, thanks to you. If you hadn’t come, I wouldn’t have even got up from bed.”

“I know.” Clarke chuckled.

Lexa really liked Clarke’s laugh. Since when did it became so lovely? Also, her eyes always got bluer when she laughed like that: sincerely.

“Are you ready for finals?” Clarke asked.

“Not as ready as I could be but it will do. I just need winter break so bad.”

“I’m not in the mood to study all I need to study but I also have no choice.”

“Do you need help with math?”

“Yes, actually. Can I come over one of these days?”

“You don’t need to ask, you know it.”

“I know, I was just trying to be polite.” She smacked Lexa. “Ok, I gotta go now. Take a shower, I’m sure it will help your body to relax.”

“Ok. Let me know when you get home. Drive safely.”

“I will.” Clarke kissed Lexa on the cheek and left.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke and Lexa studied together many times before the finals. It was a very stressful week for them, especially when Josh showed up every corner Lexa turned. She was getting really tired of him and his bullshit. Clarke wanted to punch him in the face so maybe he would get the message that Lexa didn’t want to get back with him. 

Clarke passed math thanks to Lexa. She promised she would buy her a cupcake to show how grateful she was.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa was at the grocery store, looking for something to drink when she overheard someone else’s conversation.

“The girl from the party, the one you drugged. Is she alive?” A tall guy asked the person next to him.

“You mean the blonde dressed as Emma Frost?” The redhead asked and the tall guy nodded. “I don’t know, Gus. And to be honest, I don’t really care. Her friend punched me.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. What were the odds? She had just found the guy who almost killed her best friend.

“Damn, Zack!” The tall guy said and Lexa could see that the guy’s name wasn’t really Dan. “You could have killed her.”

“I just wanted to fuck her.” Zack said like it was something really normal.

Lexa took her phone and snapped a few photos from Zack. Then she dialed Jake’s number and told him what she had just witnessed. He told her he would take care of that and told Lexa to go home. However, Lexa couldn’t just leave like she didn’t know anything.

She headed to Zack and bumped onto his shoulder. He looked at her.

“What the fuck, bitch? You mad?” He frowned.

“Listen to me, you piece of shit. If you EVER get next to my friend again, I’ll end you.” She stared at him.

“You nuts?” He held her upper arm.

“Don’t touch me.”

“I should teach you a lesson.”

“No, I SHOULD teach you a lesson.”

Lexa closed her fist and threw a punch on Zack’s face, hitting his nose and making it bleed instantly. He cupped his hand on his nose.

“YOU BROKE MY FUCKING NOSE.”

“I really hope I did, asshole.”

She said and exited the place while Zack’s friend just watched everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, it wasn't Josh who drugged Clarke, I hope it is clear now.   
> Also, I won't be detailing Zack's prosecution because it works differently in each country.  
> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you expect next.  
> See ya!


	10. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.  
> You're probably wondering why I didn't post it on Monday. Well, college is keeping me busy so from now on I'll only update once a week, every Wednesday. Sorry.   
> Anyways, enjoy :)

They were done with finals and ready for winter break.

“I can’t even believe we are done.”

“Me neither… I really need a drink.” Clarke said and Lexa froze.

“You’re not drinking.”

“And why not?” Clarke looked confused.

“Because the previous times weren’t nice and I don’t want to witness that again.” Lexa was serious.

“Hey, calm down.” Clarke moved closer to Lexa. “It’s just a drink, I swear.”

“Wait until the squad's Christmas party.” Lexa suggested.

“Fine, I can wait one day.” She joked but Lexa didn’t really like it.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke and her friends always had a Christmas Party before Christmas. They basically drank and would do something Christmas related. Jake drove Clarke and Lexa, since Lexa was at Clarke’s.

“Am I allowed to drink tonight?” Clarke asked.

Before Lexa could answer, Monty opened the front door with a Santa Claus hat.

“Welcome, ladies.” He moved to the side so they could step in. “Moonshine is in the kitchen.” He pointed to the kitchen.

“Hold your horses, Monty. We just got here.” Lexa said and he laughed.

After they greeted everyone, Clarke asked again.

“So, can I drink tonight?” She looked at Lexa.

“Yes, you can BUT I’ll have my eyes on you.”

Clarke couldn’t push away the thought of Lexa REALLY having her eyes on her.

“Yes, ma’am. Maybe you could join me.” Clarke smirked.

“Maybe.” Lexa grinned.

Clarke walked to the kitchen and poured two cups with vodka. She headed back and handed one cup to Lexa.

“Cheers.” They said at the same time.

Monty and Raven asked for everyone’s attention.

“Ok, so the first thing we have for tonight is the karaoke. The winner will get a Christmas gift.”

“I like it.” Octavia said.

“So it will be Clarke and Jasper; Bellamy and Octavia; Monty and Lexa; and Maya is with me.”

Clarke sang first and was 87% accurate in the song. Jasper sang next and he was only 63% accurate. Jasper was eliminated.

Next round was Bellamy and Octavia. Bellamy had no chance against Octavia and lost.

When it was Monty VS Lexa, he didn’t know the music at all and it just gave advantage to Lexa and she won.

Last but not least, Maya VS Raven. Maya won.

“Ok, so now it will be Clarke and Octavia; Lexa and Maya.”

Clarke sang really well again but it wasn’t the problem for Octavia, her problem was the alcohol. She couldn’t stop laughing so she made it easy for Clarke.

When it was Lexa VS Maya, both of them sang well but Lexa sang better. She made 89% and Maya 81%.

“Hey, looks like I’m gonna kick your ass now.” Clarke said.

“You are so full of promises.” Lexa said back.

This was the fiercest competition but Clarke had sung the song million times in the shower. Clarke made 98% while Lexa made 96%.

“YAY!” Clarke cheered. “See, Lexa? I kept my promise.”

“Get lost, Clarke.” Lexa chuckled.

Monty and Raven handed Clarke her reward.

“Ok, let’s see.” She opened the wrap. “Oh my gosh.” Everyone burst into laughter when Clarke held a beanie that had big ears like a rabbit’s ear. “Thanks?”

“You have to use it. Now.” Raven told her.

Clarke put the hat on top of her head and everyone laughed.

“You look cute, Griffin.” Lexa told her and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“And now it’s the time to get drunk.” Bellamy said. “I have a drink game ready for us.”

“Oh, god…” Lexa said and looked over Clarke.

“The rules: One person says the first line of their favorite holiday jingle, the second person says the next line, and so on. Whoever forgets the lyrics or messes up has to take a shot. Got it?” Everyone agreed. “Who is going first?”

“ME!” Octavia yelled and started singing.

They played the game for a long time and after many songs, a lot of booze, and many of them forgetting the lyrics, everyone was pretty drunk.

“Ok… How about we… Take a break?” Bellamy asked.

Raven turned the TV on and everyone sat somewhere in the living room. Raven, Bellamy and Octavia sat on the big couch; Jasper and Maya shared the other couch, and Monty took the armchair. Lexa and Clarke laid on the floor.

“So” Octavia tried to focus her vision on the TV. “What are we watching?”

“I don’t know…” Monty said.

“I guess it is…” Maya narrowed her eyes. “Elf?”

“Yeah, Elf.”

Everyone chatted during the movie, laughing and making jokes. Lexa could see how drunk and happy Clarke was, not that Lexa herself wasn’t drunk but it was time to look at Clarke. Or at least she thought so.

She was laughing with everyone and once again Lexa appreciated that laugh. Clarke still had her hat with long ears on.

“Hey, you look so cute.” She told Clarke, who turned to face Lexa. “You’re a bunny.” They laughed. “Let me hug you.” She moved closer to Clarke and hugged her.

Clarke laughed and hugged back. “You just like me because I look like a cute bunny.”

“Yes.” Lexa said but didn’t let go of Clarke and within minutes, she was fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

“Where are we going tonight?”

“I’m not telling you, Clarke. You’ll see, besides it’s only couple hours till we leave.”

“You know how curious I can get when you hide things from me.”

“Chill out, Clarke. And just so you know, it’s not a big deal. Let’s do something else.”

“Like what?”

“Let’s take a nap. I’m tired.”

“REALLY, Lexa? Can’t you feel my energy?”

“Yes, and that’s why you need a nap to calm down.”

“Lexa. I. Can’t. Take. A. Nap.”

“Yes, you can. I’ll play with your hair.”

“You’ve just got a deal, Woods.”

 

 

 

When they woke up, the sun was already gone. They got ready and Lexa drove them.

“Ok, can you tell me now?” Clarke asked, excited.

“Can’t you guess, Clarke? It’s not difficult to find out.”

“I don’t know. Tell me.”

“Since you love Christmas so much, we are going to see the Christmas lights.” Lexa grinned.

“You are kidding me, right?” Clarke was amazed. “Lex, you know me SO well.”

Lexa chuckled. “I do.”

“Can we take pictures?” Lexa laughed. Suddenly, Clarke was 5 years old again.

“Yes, Clarke. We can take pictures.”

Lexa parked the car and they walked to the designated place to start their walk through the lights.

“Lexa. Can we buy a Santa Claus hat?”

“Really, Clarke? How old are you?” Lexa laughed and Clarke stared at her, serious.

“I thought we were friends and here you are, making fun of my wishes.”

“Listen to yourself, Clarke. You are eighteen and you want a Santa Claus hat!” Clarke looked at Lexa, discredited.

“How dare you! Leave me alone, Lexa. Just let me go.” Lexa looked at her confused. “Lexa, just let me go!”

“Well, I’m trying. Let go of my arm and you’re free.”

Clarke was holding Lexa’s arm to keep them close. Clarke looked at their arms intertwined and both of them burst into laughter.

“You idiot.” Lexa said.

“Hey, show some respect!” She smacked Lexa.

Clarke loved Christmas since she was a kid. Lexa did too but no one could beat Clarke when it came to love Christmas. For Lexa, the only sad thing about Christmas was that her mother couldn’t be with her. Thinking about it let her upset every time. As they walked, she became more quiet. When she was a kid, her mother would take her to see the Christmas lights too. She was happy to be with Clarke but she couldn’t avoid the feeling of loss.

“You ok?” Clarke took one of Lexa’s hand and squeezed it.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lexa was lying but she didn’t want to kill Clarke’s mood.

Clarke knew the reason she got upset. She led them to one of the benches nearby and sat on it.

“You miss her, don’t you?” She asked. Of course she knew the answer, but Lexa had to let it out to feel better and Clarke knew her already.

“Yes.” Lexa’s eyes filled with tears.

“We can leave if you want. I remember that coming here was one of the things you guys used to do together, I won’t mind.”

“No, this place is not the problem. You know, every year around Christmas time I get to miss her a lot more than usual.”

“I know and that’s why you have me. To annoy you all day long so you can get tired of me every day.” Clarke tried to break the tension.

“It doesn’t even make a lot of sense but it’s ok.” Lexa stood up and held her hand to Clarke. “Come on, we have a walk to finish.”

 

 

 

After their walk, Lexa drove to Starbucks so they could buy a coffee and warm up.

“I’ll get our drinks, find somewhere to sit.” Clarke nodded and Lexa stayed in line.

She was waiting her turn when someone approached her.

“Lexa?” She turned to see who it was only to find no one else but Josh.

“Hi, Josh.” She said, emotionless.

“Hey… I’m glad to see you. Can we talk after you get your drink?”

“I’m sorry, Josh but I’m actually busy. Besides, we don’t have anything to talk about.”

He looked at her a little surprised but nodded and left. Lexa ordered and grabbed her drinks, heading back to where Clarke was.

“I saw your ex talking to you. What he wanted?” Clarke asked.

“He asked me if we could talk but I said I was busy and we didn’t have anything to talk about.” Lexa handed Clarke her coffee and saw a smirk on her face.

“What is that?”

“Nothing. I’m just happy.” Clarke wasn’t lying, she was happy. She just couldn’t tell Lexa that it was because she turned him down.

As they drank their coffee, a blonde girl approached their table. She was tall and skinny, her hair was braided and she had a smile on her face. She looked at Clarke.

“Hey, I’m Niylah.” She smiled.

“Hey, Niylah. I’m Clarke and this is Lexa.” Clarke gestured to Lexa, who waved.

“Hi.” Niylah smiled and turned to Clarke again. “So, I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a coffee or something?” Clarke looked surprised. “I mean, you don’t have to answer me now, just think about it?”

“Sure.” Clarke smiled.

“Nice! I’ll give you my number so you can call me.” Niylah took a piece of paper and wrote her phone and her name. “Here you go. See ya!” She waved again and left.

Lexa didn’t believe what she had just witnessed. The girl seemed really nice but Lexa didn’t like that.

“What the hell, Clarke? Do you know her?” Lexa asked, trying to keep it cool.

“No, I don’t. She seems nice tho.” Clarke shrugged.

“Will you call her?” Lexa was a bit curious now.

“I don’t know, maybe?” Clarke answered again. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious.”

 

 

 

Later that night, Lexa drove back to her house with Clarke, since it was a bit late and Clarke would spend the night. Clarke was almost falling asleep while walking so she was the first one ready to bed. When Lexa was finally ready, she laid beside Clarke. She had her blonde hair sprawled on the pillow. She looked so peaceful while she slept and it made Lexa’s heart warm up.

The last days without Josh had been the best for Lexa. She had time for school and time to relax. In fact it should be called Time with Clarke because she was with Clarke all the time now and it never bothered her.

It was actually funny because Josh had said once that Lexa didn’t need Clarke, she just needed Josh and it turned out that Lexa didn’t need Josh.

She just needed Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You see? Lexa is realizing stuff now. Better late than never, right?  
> Have a nice week and I hope we all survive tomorrow's episode.


	11. I've got no plans at all to leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sad and so pissed about 307. But let's not remember that.  
> I hope this chapter makes you guys feel a little better.

Clarke was almost ready for the party. All her friends were going to celebrate the New Year.

**Clarke** : are u ready?

**Lexa** : Yes. Dad will drop me off.

**Lexa** : See you there.

**Clarke** : ok

Jake dropped Clarke off at the address she told him.

“Be careful.” He said.

“Don’t worry, dad.”

“Call me if you need a ride back home.”

She nodded and headed to the house. The music was pretty loud already but it was good music and Clarke knew she would have to dance to that song. She was walking among bodies, trying to find a familiar face.

There was a circle of people and it seemed to be a song competition. The dancefloor was all packed already. She kept looking around when someone held her wrist. Clarke turned to see who it was and suddenly she forgot how to breath. Lexa was stunning, literally breathtaking. Clarke probably didn’t notice but her jaw was wide open. She scanned Lexa from head to toe, she couldn’t help herself.

“God, Lexa! You look amazing.” Lexa laughed sheepishly and Clarke realized what she just said and HOW she said it.

“You look pretty good, too.”

“Where is everybody?” Clarke asked, trying to avoid more embarrassment.

“Come.” Lexa slid her hand to hold Clarke’s. “I’ll show you.”

Clarke felt her body heat as soon as Lexa touched her. She tried not to think about it. Lexa led them to a corner where everybody was waiting for her. She greeted everyone and Octavia moved closer to her.

“What are you drinking?” She asked and followed Clarke’s eyes, who was staring at Lexa. “Well, it seems that you are really thirsty and you need something strong so you can deal with this all night.” She gestured discretely to Lexa.

“You’re right.” Clarke took the cup Octavia handed her and took a long sip.

At the beginning of the party, they just chatted. The guy from the other party Octavia took a body shot from was there, and she quickly find an excuse to talk to him. Bellamy disappeared, Maya and Jasper too. Monty and Raven were going somewhere to the play beer pong.

“Just the two of us. What are we doing?” Lexa asked, looking at Clarke.

Clarke was really… Attractive? She didn’t know if that was the better word to describe it but wasn’t a bad one either. Clarke looked deep into Lexa’s eyes. Before she could answer, a guy passed by them and offered brownies. Clarke wasn’t stupid, she knew what those brownies were made of. She took one and Lexa gave her a mortal glare.

“Come on, Lex. It’s a party. Take one.”

Lexa didn’t like the idea but she rolled her eyes and took one anyways. Clarke had eaten half of her brownie already.

“I hope you know what you are doing.” Lexa said with a neutral voice as she bit her own brownie.

“I always do.” She glared at Lexa. She waited until the girl was done, and took her free hand. “Now we dance.”

She led Lexa to the dancefloor. Usually, Lexa stayed low at parties but she couldn’t resist Clarke and not resisting Clarke was something odd. The dress Clarke had on fitted her perfectly, Lexa loved it.

They started to move on the dancefloor. Lexa was a bit uncomfortable because she has always been shy about dancing, even if she knew that no one was really noticing her dancing. Except for Clarke, of course. She freed her body slowly, she closed her eyes as she danced to the song. Everything was nice. She was having fun with her friends and best friend. She was having a good drink too.

She noticed that people were passing nearby and staring at Clarke more than usual. She thought about it and she could tell she didn’t like it. At all. Fortunately, Clarke wasn’t even noticing them, she was just dancing in front of Lexa. Lexa approved it a lot, Clarke really knew how to move her hips and Lexa felt the urge to hold them. She drank a little from her cup just to make her hand busy.

After few minutes, she felt the effect from the brownie. Clarke felt the same way as her. The music was bursting out loud. She noticed a guy coming to Clarke’s direction. She certainly wanted any guy far away from Clarke but what could she do? Clarke was only her friend. She thought about it for a second but didn’t take any conclusion because the tall blonde guy already had his hand on Clarke’s waist. She tried to busy herself and ignore that. She refilled her cup and walked back to Clarke. She was still dancing with that big stupid guy. Lexa was holding herself back with difficulty because she wanted to do something.

When the guy apparently left to refill his cup, Lexa approached Clarke (thanks to the alcohol), took her by the hand and spoke to her ear.

“I don’t want you wasting your time with him.” Lexa had a husky tone and it made Clarke shiver like hell. “Tonight it should be about the two of us.”

Clarke’s mouth went completely dry. She stared at Lexa’s eyes and then her lips. She was going to be the death of Clarke. Clarke would need a lot of control to keep herself from doing something stupid.

Clarke nodded and Lexa guided her somewhere else. Lexa took the cup from Clarke’s hand and got a refill.

“Let’s wait here a bit so he won’t find you again.” Lexa told Clarke and they exchanged a curious look.

Minutes later, Lexa took Clarke’s hand again and they walked back to the dancefloor. They were totally wasted by that time. Lexa felt like she could do anything so she grabbed Clarke’s waist and brought her friend closer so they could dance.

Clarke enjoyed that very much. She still had to control herself but she couldn’t say no to a dance. She couldn’t take her eyes from Lexa as they danced. Lexa had always been shy about dancing but she definitely could dance. The way Lexa was moving next to her was driving Clarke crazy, her hands ached to touch Lexa as she moved. She held her cup tighter, she wouldn’t be able to control herself if they kept dancing like that.

For Clarke’s sake, the countdown started so everyone quieted a bit.

  1. 9\. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4.



Lexa turned to face Clarke.

Clarke took a long sip from her cup.

Lexa lips were dry.

1.

Everyone jumped and cheered. Except for Clarke and Lexa. They held a very intense gaze. Clarke was about to explode; she was going to do it. She couldn’t hold herself anymore. Lexa was so damn sexy and the alcohol was giving Clarke all the courage she needed.

Before she could walk closer to Lexa, someone bumped on her and she almost fell, but Lexa helped her balance. The guy was gone and so was the moment.

Lexa took her hand and made her continue to dance.

“Forget about him.” She pointed to the direction the guy walked. “Let’s just have fun.”

Clarke nodded and started to dance once again. With minutes, they were into the dance again. It was good for Clarke because she could control herself again.

Lexa almost couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself. Clarke was looking so hot and she just wanted to tell her about it but how would she do that without it being extremely awkward? She was lost in her thoughts when suddenly Clarke turned her back to Lexa and started grinding with her. That was new. But Lexa quite appreciated it. She placed a hand on Clarke’s hip, moving along with her.

Clarke was glad Lexa didn’t turn her down and started to dance with her. She was totally lost in the dance when she felt Lexa’s hot breath on the back of her neck and that made her knees weaken. If it wasn’t for Lexa holding her tight, she would have fell. Lexa’s breath was irregular on her neck and Clarke didn’t know what to do. She was definitely going crazy with that.

She tried to convince herself that it was because both of them were drunk. She couldn’t give herself the hope that Lexa wanted her too, and later have her heart broken into pieces. She kept moving slowly against Lexa when she spotted Raven on the dancefloor looking for someone that was probably her. She turned to face Lexa quickly.

“Raven is coming.” She spoke on Lexa’s ear and the girl only nodded.

Raven spotted them and walked over.

“Where have you guys been?” She looked between them. “Monty abandoned me, thank god I found you.”

“Yeah, now we can get dancing.” Clarke said and started dancing again.

 

 

 

Later that night, Clarke was sure that Lexa had exaggerated with her drinks. She could barely stand by herself. Clarke approached her and held her by the waist with her arm.

“Come on, Lex. Time to go.” Lexa looked at Clarke, incredulously. “I’ll call a cab, let’s go. You are in no conditions to keep drinking.”

“But you are drunk too…” Lexa struggled to speak clearly.

“I am but you are way worse than me.” It was true, Lexa was totally wasted.

Clarke called a cab and they went back to her house.

“One more step.” Clarke informed Lexa.

“You see, Griffin… You were the one supposed to be like this” She gestured to herself. “Not me. I’m the one who takes care of you.”

“Things change, right?”

Lexa snorted dramatically. “I guess so.”

Clarke opened the door of her room and Lexa stumbled to the bed, letting her body fall on it.

“Nope, Lexa. Get up.” Clarke walked towards her. “You have to change and pee before you sleep.”

“No, Clarke.” Lexa was already falling asleep.

“Lexa, yes.”

“Clarke, no.”

“Lexa, yes.”

“Lexa, yes.” She mimicked Clarke and tried to get up.

Clarke took both of Lexa’s arms and pulled her up. Lexa bumped on Clarke and her eyes fell to her lips. Clarke didn’t notice how her own eyes stopped on Lexa’s lips. Clarke licked her lips before turning away and guiding Lexa to the bathroom.

“Pee and brush your teeth. Don               t lock the door.”

Lexa entered the room and closed the door. She exited the bathroom once she was done.

“Can you take your clothes?”

“Yes, Clarke. I’m not like you, I don’t get stuck.” She teased Clarke and they laughed.

Lexa took her shoes off and then her dress.

“Sit down, I’ll clean your make-up.”

Lexa started to walk towards the bed. “See, Clarke? I didn’t get stuck.”

If there was something Clarke was avoiding, it was looking at Lexa’s body. Of course she had seen it a million times but now Lexa wasn’t just her best friend, she was the person Clarke fell in love with and she didn’t want to be disrespectful by admiring Lexa’s body without her consent.

Clarke started to clean Lexa’s face gently and Lexa couldn’t help but close her eyes while Clarke did it.

“Please, don’t fall asleep right now. You still have to put pajamas on.”

“Don’t worry.” Lexa mumbled.

Clarke finished her job and handed Lexa the clothes.

“Put it on, I’ll be right back.” Clarke told Lexa and headed to the bathroom, closing the door.

She did everything she told Lexa to do. When she exited the bathroom, Lexa was fast asleep under the duvet. Clarke chuckled and walked towards the bed. She laid beside Lexa, relaxing with the warmth. She was almost asleep when Lexa moved closer, placing her arm on Clarke’s stomach and entangling their legs. That was when Clarke noticed that Lexa had forgot to put her pants on, she was on boy shorts and a t-shirt only.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke woke up to someone groaning beside her. She sighed.

“What’s wrong, Lex?”

“I’m dying, Clarke. This is my end.”

“You’re not dying, stop being dramatic. You just need a lot of water.”

“I already drank some water.”

“Good.”

“I also showered.”

“Great. Especially because you didn’t wake me up.”

“I’m a great friend.”

“Yes, you are. I’m showering too.”

Clarke got up and headed to the bathroom. She took a long, hot shower. After she was done, she exited the bathroom and stood in the room. Lexa was laid on her stomach.

“Let’s grab something to eat.”

“I can’t walk.”

“And why not?”

“My whole body is sore.”

“Ok then, I’ll get you pop-tarts.”

“You are the best!”

“I know.” Clarke left the room.

She still could hear Lexa groaning in her room. She took the pop-tarts and headed back to her room.

“Ok, eat it.”

“Fine, mom.” She teased Clarke.

Lexa was done so Clarke sat beside her on the bed.

“Lay on your stomach.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Just do it.”

Lexa did and Clarke straddled her, sitting on her back.

“What the fuck?” Lexa turned her head to see Clarke.

“Relax.” She pushed Lexa’s bed on the pillow.

Clarke started with a neck massage. She pressured her thumbs on the said of Lexa’s neck and started to move them. She worked her neck and shoulder with her thumbs.

“Relax, Lexa. Your body is too tense and it won’t work if you don’t relax.”

“I-I’ll try…”

Clarke felt Lexa’s body relax a bit and kept working. She glided her fingers up and down Lexa’s neck, she felt the girl shiver and couldn’t hide her smirk, fortunately Lexa couldn’t see her. She pinched along the back of the neck, applying some focused pressure. Clarke worked her fingertips in circular motions behind Lexa’s ears. She could feel Lexa relaxing a little more.

Clarke moved to Lexa’s shoulder blades. She started off with just her fingertips, gently massaging the area. She then formed her hands into a fist to really dig into Lexa’s shoulder blades.

“It might hurt a little…” Clarke warned her.

“It’s fine.” Lexa murmured.

Clarke was alternating between light and heavy pressure so she wouldn’t hurt Lexa. She decided she had done enough with that area, so she moved to Lexa’s side, sliding her fingers until she reached the girl’s ribs. Even when Clarke was doing everything over Lexa’s shirt, Lexa couldn’t avoid the shiver. Clarke gently started to circle Lexa’s ribs with her fingertips. Lexa probably wasn’t sore there but Clarke wanted do it anyway. As she massaged that area, she heard a small moaning coming out from Lexa’s mouth and saw how red Lexa’s face was after that. Clarke had to hold back her laughter.

When she was done with the ribs, she massaged Lexa’s upper arms. Clarke ran her hands down from the shoulders to the upper arms, then back up, repeating it a few times. She rubbed up and down Lexa’s upper arms, loosening her muscles.

When she was done, she climbed off Lexa and sat beside her.

“Do you feel better?”

“Yes. I feel like it’s a good time to sleep.” Lexa mumbled.

Clarke laughed. “So do it, you don’t have anything else to do right now.”

“I know. Thanks.” Lexa said and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how was that? Let me know what you think.  
> I've been busy because I have exams next week but hopefully the chapter won't be delayed.  
> Have a nice week.


	12. Hell's hot for good reason, so please, take me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey.

School was back and Clarke had never been so lazy in her life. She sat to her friends during lunch.

“Ok, we need girls’ night.” Clarke said.

“What about a pizza party?” Octavia suggested.

“I love the idea! But where?” Raven asked.

“You guys can come over.” Lexa told them.

“Ok, then. I will go to the grocery store so I can buy some toppings.” Octavia told them.

“Good idea.” Clarke said.

“Clarke, we have class now. Are you ready?” Octavia turned to Clarke.

“Sure.” Clarke stood up and waved to Lexa and Raven. “See you guys later.”

When she was far from them, Octavia turned to Clarke.

“Ok, tell me about the New Year’s party.”

“What about it?”

“You think I didn’t see you dancing with Lexa?” Clarke’s eyes widened. “Ooooh, yes. I did.” Octavia chuckled.

Clarke blushed. “Nothing happened.”

“Of course it did, Clarke.” Octavia placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “You were fucking grinding with Lexa.”

“Shut up, O. That’s all.”

“Don’t think I’ll ever leave you alone.”

Clarke sighed. “I know you won’t.”

 

* * *

 

 

After school, Clarke headed to her house and showered before leaving to Lexa’s house. She would probably sleep over Lexa’s, so she took her backpack and walked to Lexa’s house. When she was approaching the house, she heard raised voices.

“Lexa, let’s just talk!” It was a male’s voice.

“No. I already said no, Josh. We don’t have anything to talk about.” Lexa said and now Clarke could see both of them.

“God dammit, Lexa. I know you didn’t forget me, we just need to talk.”

“For fuck’s sake, Josh! I do not like you. Am I not being clear enough?” Lexa placed her hands on her hips and glared at him.

Josh took a step forward. “Listen to me.” He grabbed Lexa’s upper arm. “You’re wrong.”

That was it. Clarke walked towards them and intervened.

“You listen, stupid shit. Let go of her.” Clarke said between her teeth.

Josh looked at her and seemed even more angry. “What the hell are you even doing here, bitch?”

“None of your business. Back the fuck off.” She insisted.

“I have to talk to Lexa, are you blind?”

“Josh, leave.” Lexa interrupted.

“No, you’re talking to me.” Josh turned his attention to Lexa again.

Before anything else, Clarke kicked him in the balls and he had to let go of Lexa. He fell on his knees and cursed under his breath. Lexa dropped her jaw.

“Are you leaving now or what?” Clarke was possessed of rage.

“You bitch!” He cried out.

“Let’s go inside, Clarke.” Lexa said and turned to get in.

Clarke started to walk towards the front door but then she felt a hand grab her ankle and push it, making her fall. She hit her head on the floor lightly, but was aware Josh was going to do something so she scooted to her side and got up again. When Lexa got to the door again, Clarke was already punching Josh in the face, making his nose bleed. She pushed him backwards.

“Just leave Lexa alone. Get the fuck off here or I’m calling the cops.” Clarke shouted.

Josh probably wanted to do something before leaving but he had to accept he was beaten by a girl.

“What the hell was that?” Lexa asked.

“He had to learn a few things.” Clarke walked back into the house.

“You’re bleeding.” Lexa pointed out.

“I bet it’s nothing life threatening.”

“No, it is not but we’ll have to clean up.” Clarke nodded.

Lexa took Clarke’s hand to guide her to the bathroom. When she touched her skin, she felt something and she couldn’t quite tell what was that but she liked it. She closed the toilet’s lid.

“Sit down.” Lexa ordered.

Clarke sat. “I can do it, Lexa.”

“You got this because of me, let me help.” She told Clarke and the blonde just nodded.

It was a small cut, Clarke would be fine but Lexa just wanted to take care of it. Or take care of Clarke. She took the first aid kit and started to clean the cut. She bit her lower lip as she concentrated and Clarke couldn’t not notice it. It was adorable and sexy at the same time. She started to think how she would like to gently bite that lip. She was staring, she knew she was.

“Alright, you’re free to go.” Lexa said.

Clarke came back from her thoughts and stood up. “Thanks.” Clarke said, turning her face away from Lexa’s, hoping she hadn’t seen her blushing.

The doorbell rang and right after that Raven shouted.

“WE’RE HERE!”

“We heard you!” Clarke shouted back as they moved to the living room.

“I brought some toppings. Can we start? I’m starving!” Octavia asked.

“Sure.” Lexa answered.

The four of them entered the kitchen and started to prepare the pizza. Clarke was taking some cheese, then Raven approached her and lifted her chin, looking to her forehead.

“What happened?” Raven pointed to Clarke’s cut.

“Oh, I fell.” Clarke said.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have this earlier. How did you fall?” Raven insisted.

“Josh was here annoying me. Clarke got here and told him to back off but he didn’t so they kind of had a fight where he made her fall and she hit her head.” Lexa explained.

“Son of a bitch!” Raven breathed out. “You guys ok?”

“Yeah.” Clarke simply said.

“Thank god he backed off.” Octavia seemed relieved.

“He only did because Clarke threatened to call the cops.”

“He better not come around here again.” Clarke said, more to herself than anyone else.

“He won’t and you are not doing anything if he does.” Lexa looked at Clarke. “I don’t want you getting hurt because of him.”

Octavia nudged Raven discretely as they watched Lexa’s intense gaze on Clarke. Clarke just nodded and kept making her pizza. The pizzas were done and they sat to eat.

“So, Bell is organizing some fun for next month.” Octavia started.

“And what is it?” Clarke asked.

“He wants to go camping and playing paintball. It should be fun. Jasper and Monty are going too.”

“I’m in.” Lexa stated.

“Me too.” Raven said.

“Guess I can’t say anything but a yes.” Clarke smiled.

“YAY! We’ll have so much fun!” Octavia cheered.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke arrived home and after she shut the door, her mother called her.

“Hey, honey.” Abby appeared in the living room.

“Hey, mom. I thought you would be working.”

“I got a day off.” She smiled. Abby sat on a chair. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Clarke placed her backpack on the ground and leaned on the wall.

Abby sat straight. “You and Lexa.” Clarke widened her eyes. “Forgive me if I’m wrong but has something changed between you two? I’ve noticed you seem different around her.”

Clarke slid her back on the wall and sat on the floor. She sighed, trying to get courage to talk about it.

“Yes, mom. Something changed. Lexa is not only a friend anymore; she is the person I fell in love with.”

Abby nodded softly and sat beside Clarke. “Did you talk to her about it?”

“No.”

“And why is that?” 

“I’m just… not ready.” Clarke said. “I don’t know if I can tell her either.”

“You can’t keep this from her, Clarke.”

“I know.”

“Is that why you had been so grouchy when she was dating that boy?”

Clarke blushed instantly. “I think so.”

Abby let out a small chuckle. “Well, I hope you talk to her about it. You need to share it with her and she has the right to know.” Abby kissed Clarke’s forehead before getting up. “Let me know if I can do anything for you.”

“Thanks, mom.” Clarke said and got up as well.

Clarke wondered if it was time already. She knew Lexa wanted to know what made her upset but she was afraid to tell Lexa. She was afraid Lexa would get mad at her and yell. She was afraid Lexa didn’t love her like that. She wanted to tell, she really did but she didn’t want to let her heart break. There was a big chance Lexa would say she didn’t like Clarke or she didn’t like girls.

Thinking about all these possibilities, Clarke decided to forget about it for now.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was doing some homework when her phone went off.

“Hey, Lex.”

“Clarke, did you get anything in the mail?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Clarke was suspicious. “Did you?”

“Yes! It’s from Polis University.”

“OH MY GOD DID YOU OPEN IT?”

“Not yet, I was hoping we could open together.”

“You didn’t even know if I was going to get any letter.”

“Just go check and let me know.”

“Ok, hold on.”

Clarke walked to the kitchen, looking where she always found the mail. She found a big envelope addressed to her.

“I got something too, Lexa.” Clarke was surprised. She rushed to her room.

“Are we opening now?”

“I don’t know. How should we do it?”

“Let’s just open it and then we say if we got in or not.”

“Fine.”

Clarke opened the envelope and took the paper off the envelope. She read it and could barely hold back.

“Are you ready, Clarke?”

“Yes.” Clarke tried to hide the emotions when she spoke.

“Ok. One, two, three!”

“I got in!” Both of them said at the same time.

“How great is this?” Lexa asked. “We are going to the same university!”

“Yes, I’m really happy!”

“Ok, I got to tell my dad now. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok, bye.” Clarke said.

She was really glad she was going to the same college as Lexa. They always wanted this since they were kids and now it would happen.

 

* * *

 

 

“Ok, Lexa. You promised we would go to Best Buy!” Clarke whined.

“What do you want from there?”

“I need a new game.”

“What game?”

“Jesus, Lex.” Clarke sighed.  “Can we just go?”

“Alright.”

They headed to the store and as soon as they stepped in, Clarke rushed to the games.

“Do you have any in mind?” Lexa looked all those games on the shelf.

“Yes, I do. Street Fighter V.” Clarke replied, not taking her eyes from the shelf.

Before Lexa could say anything else, someone approached them.

“Clarke?” The other blonde said.

“Niylah? Hey.”

Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Turns out you didn’t want to go out for a coffee.” Niylah said, disappointed.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I lost that piece of paper with your number so I couldn’t really call you.”

Lexa was watching the interaction between them but hearing that Clarke probably considered going out with Niylah, made her stomach sink. She saw when Niylah reached for a pen in her bag and grabbed Clarke’s arm. Before she could start writing whatever she was going to write, Lexa turned on her heels and left.

She didn’t know where to go so she decided to wait in the car. She didn’t want Clarke going out with that blonde. For Lexa, that just wasn’t right. Clarke seemed fine without Niylah.

After a while, Clarke came back to the car.

“Why did you leave me alone?” Clarke asked.

Lexa had an annoyed face and Clarke could notice something wasn’t right. Lexa looked discretely at Clarke’s arm and saw a couple numbers.

“I was tired and it seemed you’d take your time.”

Clarke knew she was lying. Lexa was ok until Niylah showed up. For a moment, Clarke considered the idea of Lexa being jealous but she couldn’t let herself elevate her hopes.

Lexa couldn’t be jealous of her, could she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say but here's something: we are getting there. Wait for it.  
> Have a nice week!


	13. Lately, I really need to know; how long, how long can we be touch and go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't supposed to post today but since I'm having an awful day, I decided to share it with you. I hope I can get some reviews.  
> Also, I made some research about paintball and panick attacks. About the panick attack it wasn't really difficult because my father has it.  
>  Ok, here you go.

“Clarke, wake up!” Lexa shook Clarke gently.

Clarke mumbled something and turned to the other side of the bed. Lexa knew Clarke was a sleepyhead and couldn’t deny it was actually adorable. She walked around the bed to face Clarke again. Lexa sat on the edge of the bed and leaned down a little so she could reach Clarke’s face. With the back of her hand, she started to caress Clarke’s cheek. She felt Clarke relax under her touch and even snuggle to her hand.

“Wake up, sleepyhead!” Lexa whispered.

“Hummmmm.” Clarke mumbled.

Lexa continued to caress Clarke’s cheek and then Clarke took Lexa’s hand and brought it to her chest, embracing it as she slept.

“Clarkey, you need to wake up!” Lexa said again, softly.

Clarke pulled Lexa, making the girl lay by her side.

“I don’t want to wake up, so you sleep too.” Clarke murmured with her eyes still closed.

Lexa rested her hand over Clarke’s waist. “We can’t sleep any more, Clarke. We have to go out to buy stuff for camping.”

“I just wanna rest! Let’s sleep.” Clarke pouted. 

“You can sleep later, unless you don’t get up now, because we need to buy a new sleeping bag for you.”

Clarke groaned. “Can’t you just leave me here?”

“Nope. We have to leave in about 4 hours. Have you packed already?” Clarke shook her head, ashamed. “I expected not.” Lexa stood up. “Come on, we gotta go.”

“Fine.” Clarke huffed.

 

 

After a while, Clarke was finally ready and they could leave. Lexa drove them to the store.

“Everything we need is on the third floor.”

“Elevator, don’t even think about stairs.” Clarke warned.

“Come on, Clarke, I don’t always like stairs.” Lexa laughed.

They entered the elevator and pressed the button. When they were almost on third floor, the elevator stopped and the power went out.

“Fuck.” Clarke muttered.

Lexa looked at Clarke and saw panic in her face.

“Lexa, they have to open this door. Right now.” Clarke was desperate already.

“They will open it, don’t worry.”

“I can’t be here.” Clarke felt her heart racing.

“We are gonna be fine.” Lexa tried to reassure her.

“I’m claustrophobic, Lexa. You know that already.”

Lexa knew. It wasn’t the first time. She saw Clarke’s body trembling. She was sweating too.

“Let’s just sit down, ok?” Clarke remained silent but then she nodded.

Clarke held her face with her hands. Her mouth was dry and she was having trouble breathing.

“Clarke?” Clarke slowly turned her head to Lexa. “Is it ok if I take your hand?”

Clarke thought for a second and nodded. Lexa moved a little closer to her and took one of her hands.

“What can I do for you?” Lexa tried to remain calm. She could see how Clarke was breathing.

“I don’t know.” Clarke rushed to say.

“Are you feeling warm?” Clarke nodded. “Do you want to take your shirt off?”

“Yes.”

Lexa moved closer and helped her to take the shirt off. She put Clarke’s hair in a bun and sat down again. She took Clarke’s hand once more.

“I’m going to draw circles on the palm of your hand and each time I complete a circle, you have to count ok?” Clarke mumbled a yes. “You will need to concentrate.”

Lexa slowly drew a circle on her palm.

“One.” Clarke said, closing her eyes.

Lexa drew another one.

“Two.” Clarke said again.

“Good job, you got it.” Lexa drew it again.

And again. And again. Again. Again. She did it for a while.

“Twenty-seven.”

 Lexa drew another one.

“Twenty-eight.”

Before she could draw another one, the power was back and the doors opened. There were two employees at the doors. Lexa moved to be in front of Clarke, so she could hide her shirtless form. She handed Clarke the shirt and waited until she was done. She offered her a hand and they got up.

“Come on, I’ll get you some water.” Clarke didn’t let go of Lexa’s hand.

They sat on a bench while Clarke sipped her water. After she was done, she moved closer to Lexa and hugged her.

“Thank you.” She said with her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

Lexa just stroked Clarke’s back.

“We don’t have to go if you are not in the mood anymore.” She said to Clarke.

“No, I wanna go. Let’s just buy what we need and head home before we leave.”

Lexa nodded and they started to search for what they had to buy.

 

* * *

 

 

When they got home, Lexa helped Clarke packing and they waited for Raven. They would have to split in two cars. Jasper, Maya, and Monty would be riding with Bellamy. Clarke, Lexa, and Octavia would be riding with Raven.

“She is here, Clarke. Let’s go.” Lexa said.

“Bye mom, bye dad.” Clarke yelled.

“Bye girls.” Abby and Jake yelled back.

Clarke helped Lexa to load the car and then they entered the car.

“How long is the drive?” Lexa asked.

“About 2 hours.” Octavia answered. “We’ll get there by the evening.”

“Cool.” 

They met Bellamy before driving to the camping. The drive was quiet. Clarke was quieter than normal and Lexa couldn’t not notice. She took Clarke’s hand and caressed it. Clarke just smiled. They got to the camping and Lexa assembled their tent. The boys would share one tent. Raven, Octavia and Maya would share another one. There wasn’t anyone else to share the third tent with Lexa and Clarke so they would be by themselves.

All tents were assembled and Bellamy was starting a fire.

“We are playing tomorrow. It will be all of us against another team.”

“We are gonna destroy the other team, I’m sure.” Raven said.

“Yeah, we are awesome.” Jasper added.

Everyone hung out by the fire through the night. Raven was beside Clarke.

“Did you tell her already?” She sipped her drink.

“Raven, not now. She is next to me.” Clarke warned.

“Maybe it is good if she listens to us.” Raven shrugged.

“Raven, I’m not ready yet, ok? Leave it alone.”

“Ok then, but she will be upset when she finds out how long you kept this from her.”

“I know but I won’t worry about it now.”

Clarke was tense after that. She just wanted to relax and forget about it all. She knew she had to tell Lexa but she wasn’t ready yet so she wouldn’t do it now.

“Are you ok?” Lexa asked Clarke, grabbing her wrist.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” Clarke stood up. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Ok then.”

Clarke turned and headed to her tent. She changed to comfy clothes and laid on the top of her sleep bag. She wanted to take that burden from her chest and tell Lexa but it wouldn’t come out from her mouth. Also, it wasn’t the time to tell her either. Everyone was there to have fun, and if Lexa reacted badly, she wouldn’t have a good time.

Clarke was lost in her thoughts when she heard the tent’s zipper. Lexa stepped in and closed it again. She changed and kneeled next to Clarke, who had her back to Lexa.

“What’s wrong, Clarke?” She asked softly.

“Nothing, I’m ok.” Clarke still wasn’t looking at Lexa but she hopped Lexa would buy it.

“You can’t lie to me. What is it bothering you?”

Clarke huffed. “We’ll talk about it when we get back, ok? I’m not ready yet.”

“I’m getting worried. For real.”

“Don’t be. It’s silly.” Clarke said, sadly.

“Ok, then.” Lexa got up and moved to lay in her sleeping bag.

“Bring your sleeping bag next to mine, we can share the blanket.” Clarke said.

Lexa shrugged and did as Clarke told her. When Lexa was under the blanket too, Clarke moved closer and snuggled next to her.

“I get it now, you just wanted human heat.” Lexa joked.

“Yeah, but also I just wanted to be next to you.”

It slipped before Clarke could hold it back. She blushed but then she felt Lexa holding her even closer. Lexa felt really good after what she heard.

She didn’t want anyone else next to her right now, just Clarke.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Everyone registered before the game. They formed a circle and Bellamy spoke.

“Ok, this is a Total Elimination match. Everyone knows how to play.”

“The only thing you guys can’t do: get eliminated.” Monty added.

When everyone was dressed properly, they walked to the designed area. The game started and everyone searched for a three or other obstacle to hide. The first person eliminated from their team was Jasper. Fortunately, they had taken two of the opposite team out already.

The second person to be eliminated was Maya. Lexa took another person from the other team out, so there was another 5 to go down. Bellamy gestured to Lexa as they tried to take another person. Lexa saw a good opportunity so she started to walk faster but suddenly she bumped into someone. Lexa fell on top of the person, using both arms to hold her body weight. When she thought she might have to shoot the person, she noticed the blonde locks spread on the ground. Clarke was underneath her, and she looked great in that mask. Lexa stared at her for a while and Clarke held her gaze. How could Clarke look good even when she was in a paintball mask?

Lexa felt something inside her chest. She wanted to take off Clarke’s mask for some reason. She wanted to get closer.

“Are you going to shoot me, Commander?” Clarke asked, before Lexa could admit to herself what she really wanted to do.

“You know? Maybe you deserve it. I was going to take an enemy out but it seems you ruined our chance.” Lexa teased.

“Maybe, if you get off me, you can still get that enemy.” Clarke smirked and Lexa felt her cheeks burning.

She got up and helped Clarke doing the same.

“Come on, we have a match to win.” Lexa told Clarke and walked away, trying to hide her face.

 

 

 

 

As expected, their team won the match. They used the showers at the campsite and cooked something to eat. They were hanging by the fire once again. Everyone was drinking but Lexa. She just wasn’t feeling like it. People were taking it slow, no moonshine or vodka. Just couple beers so they could have a nice time.

Raven and Octavia were singing a duet while Monty couldn’t stop laughing. Bellamy and Jasper were making bets and Maya just watched how childish that was. Lexa and Clarke just watched everyone. That was nice, everyone just chilling. Lexa stood up to grab another soft drink and when she came back, Clarke wasn’t there. She thought the girl had gone to bed so she decided to finish her drink before doing the same thing.

By the time she was done, Maya and Jasper were making out. Bellamy was playing cards with Monty and Raven and Octavia were talking quietly to each other. Lexa stood up once again and headed to her tent. She stepped inside to find everything there but Clarke. She didn’t see the direction Clarke had gone but she knew Clarke was probably walking around.

Lexa left the tent and started to walk around, trying to find Clarke. She turned her flashlight on and tried to recognize the blonde hair among all those threes. Lexa approached a small lake and that was where she found Clarke: laying on the ground next to the lake’s shore. She turned the flashlight off and walked towards Clarke.

“Hey.” Lexa greeted.

“Hi.” Clarke answered softly. She was looking mindfully to the sky.

Lexa laid by her side and looked to the sky too.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asked.

“Just watching the stars.”

“And what do you know about them?”

Clarke chuckled. “Nothing.”

“And here I thought you were naming each constellation.” Lexa joked.

“Well, I do know some of them.”

“Maybe you are not that dumb.” Lexa teased and Clarke hit her.

“Be nice!” Clarke laughed.

Lexa knew how beautiful the sky was, especially during the night but she had to turn her eyes away. She stared at Clarke for a long time. She traced every edge of her face in her mind. She contemplated her hair, her eyes, her cheeks, her nose, and finally, her lips. Lexa wasn’t drunk, she couldn’t blame the alcohol. She had been pushing back those thoughts away the last weeks but at that moment, she couldn’t deny anything.

“Talk to me.” Clarke said, bringing Lexa back from her thoughts.

“About what?” Lexa turned to her side, raised her arm so she could rest her head on her hand.

Clarke thought about what she wanted to talk about, but she really hadn’t anything in mind so she just said something randomly.

“Everything you are afraid to talk about.”

Suddenly, Lexa felt something in her chest. She knew it was probably a random suggestion but her heart refused to accept it. She sighed deeply and moved to be on top of Clarke, the same way she fell earlier. Lexa had her knees and hands on the ground. She stared deeply into Clarke’s eyes and refused to look away. Clarke seemed surprised and confused at the same time, but before she could ask anything, Lexa leaned down, slowly. She placed her own lips to Clarke’s, in a very tender kiss.

Clarke melt into it. She had never expected for a kiss, especially when Lexa was the one kissing her first. She cupped Lexa’s face and brought her closer. Clarke wanted to feel everything coming from that kiss, she had waited for that moment for so long and now she could finally live it. She could stay like that for the rest of her life. Lexa’s lips were really soft, just like she imagined.

Lexa pulled back but didn’t open her eyes. She was still living the moment and when she finally opened, she met a blue ocean in front of her. She gave Clarke a shy smile and buried her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck. Clarke rested her hands on Lexa’s lower back. She sighed softly and asked.

“Lexa, are you drunk?” Clarke didn’t see her drinking but she had to make sure.

“No. Are you?” She lifted her head to look at Clarke.

“I was a little tipsy when I got here, but I’m ok now.”

Lexa only nodded and lowered her head again. They stayed like that for a while before heading to their tent again.

They didn’t let go of each other any time during the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, how about that? haha. Let me know what you think, it would make my day a lot better.   
> See you on Wednesday!


	14. Kiss me like you wanna be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I had problems with my wifi connection and could only update now.

Next morning, they didn’t talk about what happened, not to each other nor to anyone else. There was a reason, of course. They wanted to do it in private, take their time to really talk about it.

“I think we should start packing our stuff so we can leave soon.” Octavia spoke, when everyone was finally awake.

“But I’m still eating.” Monty pointed out.

“I can see, Monty. You can finish your breakfast and then you start.” Octavia explained, sarcastically.

Monty smiled and gave her thumbs up. Raven stood up and headed to her tent to start packing. Clarke finish her frosted flakes and turned to Lexa.

“Are you done?”

“Yes, we need to pack.”

Clarke nodded and they walked to their tent. Clarke packed their bags and loaded the car, then she returned to the tent to help Lexa disassemble it. During the task, they shared few innocent touches, like brushing hands. Also, they locked gaze several times. Lexa was a little insecure at first because she wasn’t entirely sure Clarke was ok with the kiss.

Clarke, on the other hand, felt a lot more hopeful after the kiss. She had never expected that but also she had never been so happy with so much spontaneity.

They placed the tent in Raven’s car and before Lexa could walk back to the group, Clarke grabbed her hand pulling her closer and kissed Lexa’s cheek gently, making the girl blush. Lexa gave her a sheepishly smile and squeezed her hand.

When everyone was finally done packing, they left the camping and headed to their hometown. Lexa and Clarke in the back of Raven’s car. The trip was silent but they didn’t really need much talk at that time. They just enjoyed each other’s company.

They were finally arriving in the city, everyone was exhausted.

“Ok, I’ll drop Lexa off and then you, Clarke.” Raven said.

“No need, I’m staying with Lexa. I’ll go home later.”

Raven looked at Clarke through the rearview mirror. “Ok but if anything fun comes up, give me a call.”

“Haven’t you had enough fun for the weekend?” Clarke smiled at her.

“You act live you even don’t know me, Griffin. Fun is never enough for me.”

Everyone laughed. Raven drove for a few more minutes until she parked outside Lexa’s house.

“There you go, girls. Safe and sound.” Raven spoke.

Lexa opened the door and exited the car. “Thanks, Rae.”

She headed to the car’s trunk and took their stuff out. Clarke exited the car and leaned down on Raven’s window.

“Thank you, it was a nice weekend. However, you own me some help with physics so I hope you find a free time for me during the week.” Clarke said.

“Well, Griffin, I’ll see if I’m available for you.” Raven sighed dramatically.

“Fuck off.” Clarke laughed.

“I gotta go now.”

“See you guys! And take O home safely.” Clarke said.

“I will, Griff.” Raven rolled her eyes.

Lexa and Clarke waved to her friends as Raven drove off.

 

 

 

They entered Lexa’s house and walked to Lexa’s room. Lexa placed her stuff on the floor and sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Clarke did the same thing but sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at Lexa and sighed.

“I guess we have to talk, right?” She gave Lexa a weak smile.

“If you are ready for it, sure. If you are not, I’ll understand. However, I would be glad to know what’s going on.” Lexa had a soft tone, she didn’t want to push Clarke but also she needed to know what was going on.

“I’m ready. Just be patient, ok? I don’t really know how to say it.” Clarke sighed.

“We have time, don’t worry.” Lexa grinned.

Clarke sighed deeply and started. “I started to feel… Different before summer. I didn’t know what that was. As you know, I had to go to my grandparents’ and you couldn’t go with me. I understood the reason, of course.” Clarke kept her eyes on her hands. “And I missed you a lot, as you also know. But the thing is: it was different. I missed Raven, O, Bell, Jasper, and Monty too but you were the only person I wanted there. I would be very happy with any of them, but if I could choose one person, it would be you.” Lexa watched Clarke with curiosity. “We talked during summer, I know. But I felt like I had to distract myself while we were not talking.” Clarke started playing with her fingers. “Then, I came back. And I was upset but didn’t know why. It got worse when... Well, it got worse when Josh came. I mean, I knew you guys had been going out but it began to happen more often.” Lexa was starting to get the idea. Clarke snorted and shook her head slightly. “When you started dating, I finally got it.”

Clarke refused to look at Lexa, she was afraid of her reaction. Lexa had kissed her, yes. But even though, that didn’t mean she felt the same for Clarke.

“I was… I am. I’m in love with you. And I’m sorry, I never meant to fall for you. Seeing you and Josh broke me. And all of this I just told you, was the reason I was so upset. I didn’t know what was going on with me and when I did, I couldn’t change anything. I tried to get over my feelings but I can’t. Not now.” Clarke sighed. “I’m sorry.”  


Lexa stared at Clarke for a few minutes. Clarke didn’t dare to look up and each second made her even more afraid of Lexa’s reaction. She didn’t want to see Lexa’s green orbs telling her that everything she just said was ridiculous.

“Clarke.” Lexa finally spoke. “Look at me.” She asked and Clarke lifted her head slowly. “What are you apologizing for?”

“I don’t know. Maybe for feeling all this?”

“And why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Lexa asked, looking directly at Clarke’s eyes.

“When I realized, it was too late. Your relationship with Josh was growing. Also, I was afraid. I didn’t want to lose you and I still don’t want to. I know you don’t feel the same for me and I would never sacrifice our friendship for silly feelings.” Clarke was really afraid of losing Lexa.

Lexa stood up and walked towards Clarke, sitting beside her. She took one of Clarke’s hand and started to rub circles on her hand.

“And you think the kiss was meaningless to me?” Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke’s hand. She felt Clarke’s body stiffen and looked up. “You really think I would do that?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory but surprised. Lexa sighed. “I’m the one to be sorry. I’m sorry I never noticed how you felt. I’m sorry for not understanding. I’m sorry for picking the wrong person.”

Clarke’s eyes widened and she swallowed. “But you liked Josh.”

“Yes, but what I didn’t see was that I liked him only as a friend. I misunderstood my feelings. I knew he had a crush on me and I thought it was time to try a relationship. But if I have to be truly honest with you, I need to say that I never felt really comfortable with him. Not like I’m always comfortable with you. It’s so sad that I only opened my eyes when… You know, when that happened. I wasn’t comfortable with him and I didn’t always have the patience to be near him. I’m sorry it took me so long to find out he wasn’t the right choice and even longer to see who was.” She let her eyes drown into Clarke’s blue eyes.

Clarke’s breathing was irregular. She wasn’t ready for that. “And who is the right choice?” She wanted to know but also she didn’t want to get disappointed and heartbroken.

Lexa scanned Clarke’s face. She slowly started to lean closer to Clarke, giving her enough time to change her mind but the blonde didn’t. She stopped few inches away from Clarke’s face.

“You.” Lexa closed her eyes and kissed Clarke.

Clarke felt her chest weightless, relieved. Once more, she melted into the kiss. The kiss was soft and gentle. Passionate and careful. She felt Lexa’s hand gently cupping her cheek and she sighed into the kiss. Lexa was being really gentle to her and Clarke had never felt so special. The kiss was slow and when Lexa finally broke it, she placed another kiss on the top of Clarke’s nose.

“I feel so stupid for not realizing it before.” Lexa spoke quietly.

Clarke shook her head and took Lexa’s hand. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Lexa nodded and hugged Clarke. “I’m glad we finally talked about it.”

“Me too.” Clarke answered. “I just don’t want this to interfere in our friendship.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll take it slow, see how things work.”

 

 

After Clarke left, Lexa laid down and started to think about their weekend. It had been the best so far. She was really happy about it. Lexa was brought from her thoughts when Anya knocked on the door.

“Get in.” Lexa said and sat up.

“How was your weekend? You seem happy.” Anya smirked.

Lexa scanned her sister’s face. “You knew, didn’t you?” She asked, narrowing her eyes.

“About what?” Anya faked confusion.

“About Clarke. And me.”

“Of course I did. You were the only one who couldn’t see she liked you and you liked her. I mean, you didn’t like that boy you were dating. Not like a boyfriend anyway.”

“You could have opened my eyes, Anya!” Lexa whined.

“No, you had to see it yourself. Are you two a thing now?”

“Kind of, I guess.”

“Good! Blondie was suffering when you were with Josh. Come on, Lexa. You have never been straight.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped. “And how could you know? I never had anything with a girl before.”

“I’m your sister, I know you. And even if you didn’t know how you felt for Clarke, I could see in your eyes. Always over protective.”

“She was my friend, I would never think about it.”

“I know, and that’s why you took so long to finally realize. I guess your mind refused to accept you liked your best friend.” Anya chuckled. “Ok, gotta go.”

She said and left the room, leaving Lexa thinking about not realizing that.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was so happy that she couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa. She took her phone and decided to send a message to her group chat with Raven and Octavia.

 **Clarke** : Lexa kissed me.

It didn’t take too long to get a reply.

 **Octavia** : NO WAAAAAAAAY

 **Octavia** : ARE U KIDDING ME?

 **Clarke** : No, she did

 **Raven** : OMG

 **Raven** : When?

 **Clarke** : Saturday night and earlier

 **Octavia** : And why the hell didn’t you tell us?

 **Raven** : I can’t understand why you did not

 **Clarke** : Guys, I just wanted to talk to her about everything

 **Clarke** : That’s why I stayed over

 **Octavia** : Got it

 **Raven** : But I want the whole gossip tomorrow

 **Clarke** : Hahaha

 **Clarke** : Ok

 

* * *

 

 

“Ok, Lex. We need flour now.” Clarke managed to say.

“I thought we needed more booze.” Lexa laughed.

“Lex, we are drunk enough.” Clarke pointed to the bowl. “How are we going to finish this if we drink another cup?”

“You’re right, Griffin.” Lexa took the flour and handed to Clarke. “Tell me again: why did we decide to bake cookies now?”

“I don’t know. I’m glad no one gets to see us right now.”

“Anya might see us. My dad is asleep but she probably will be arriving soon.”

“Baking at night. Smart.” Clarke chuckled.

“Mix that, Clarke. Don’t be useless.” Lexa said and Clarke looked hurt. Lexa moved closer. “I was kidding.” She pecked Clarke’s lips. “Just help me out.” She kissed Clarke’s forehead.

Clarke mixed the ingredients and Lexa added what was left. When they were done, Lexa placed the cooking sheet in the oven.

“Now we wait.” Lexa walked towards Clarke and hugged her.

They stayed quiet for a while, just enjoying the moment. The front door opened and closed.

“What are you nerds doing?” Anya asked.

“Standing.” Lexa answered and laughed.

“Have you been drinking?” She raised a brow. “You don’t usually joke.”

“I would never drink, Anya.” Lexa faked being hurt and Clarke laughed.

“Of course you ARE drinking.” Lexa rolled her eyes and Anya looked around. “What are you baking?”

“Cookies.” Clarke answered.

“Oh, great! I want some.” She sat on the chair next to her.

“No, you’ll get half of them to yourself.”

“Yes, I will. I need strength.”

Lexa just huffed. Minutes later, the cookies were done and Anya really took half of them and moved to her bedroom.

“Ok, we still have some.” Lexa said and they started to eat.

They were almost done with the cookies. Lexa stood up to refill her cup with orange juice and when she walked back to the table, her eyes widened.

“What’s wrong, Lex?”

“Where is the cookie that was here seconds ago?” She was serious.

“I ate.” Clarke simply said.

“You… WHAT?” Lexa couldn’t believe.

“Sorry, Lex. I ate.”

“How could you?” Lexa seemed hurt.

“Lex, you ate a lot of them. That was just a cookie.”

Lexa pouted. “But that was my favorite flavor.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Clarke stood up. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Are you baking more?” Lexa face lighted up.

“No, Lexa. I’m not.” Clarke laughed. “But you are not drinking another single cup today.”

“You’re so mean today.” Lexa waved off.

“Let’s go, Lex. I’m tired.”

Clarke took Lexa’s hand and guided them to Lexa’s room. Lexa laid down and so did Clarke. Clarke turned the lights off and turned to her side. Lexa was staring at the ceiling. She turned her head and saw Clarke’s back. She sighed dramatically.

“What’s wrong, Lex?” Clarke asked.

“I don’t know… I just thought you were going to make it up for me, since you ate my last and favorite cookie.”

“Oh my god, you’re such a baby when you drink.” Clarke turned to the other side and moved closer to Lexa.

“You should show some respect, Griffin.”

Clarke ignored what Lexa said and asked. “Is cuddling ok?”

“Yeah… That’s ok. Not enough, but ok.”

“What else do you want from me, Commander?”

“A kiss? Maybe?” Lexa asked.

Clarke smirked and propped her elbow to support her weight. “As you wish, Commander.” She leaned down and kissed Lexa. Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s lower back and kissed back.

Clarke pulled away gently. “Are you satisfied now?” Lexa nodded and Clarke laid down again.

Clarke turned her back to Lexa again but this time Lexa closed their gap and embraced the girl’s waist.

Clarke couldn’t contain her smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anya is #TeamClarke.


	15. Don't stop me now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. How is everyone feeling after all those gorgeous pictures of Alycia yesterday? She is breathtaking.  
> Anyways, another chapter. Slow burn, I know. But at least there is no drama. For now.  
> Also, thanks to my awesome person, Stella, for giving me the idea of Spring Break chapter.  
> Enjoy!

“Ok guys. Spring Break. Is everyone ready?” Raven asked.

“I still have to finish packing but everything will be ready for tomorrow.” Monty said.

“Fine. We don’t want to delay our trip.”

They had decided to go on a trip to the beach with some other people from school. It was the last year of high school so they wanted something different this time.

 

 

The next morning, they were all in a parking lot, waiting to board the bus that would take them to the beach. Jasper and Monty could barely keep themselves up. Octavia was leaning on Raven, and Lexa and Clarke were talking quietly. There was a lot more people there. When the people responsible for the trip arrived, they allowed everyone to enter the vehicle. The trip would take about 5 hours. They sat in pairs. Clarke and Lexa together, of course.

After two hours, Lexa felt Clarke stirring constantly.

“What are you doing?” She looked at Clarke.

“I just can’t find a comfy position.” Clarke said. “Can I lean my head on your shoulder?”

“Of course.” Lexa ginned.

Clarke moved closer to Lexa and leaned her head on the girl’s shoulder. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Do you feel comfy now?”

“Yep. Thanks.” Clarke closed her eyes and drifted to sleep quickly.

 

 

 

They arrived in the city and the driver dropped them at the house they were going to stay during the week.

“Do you want to share the room with people or do you want to assemble the tent?” Lexa asked Clarke.

“I guess I’ll like the tent better. Inside the house will be crazy and also, you know I don’t feel comfortable sleeping next to people I don’t know.”

“Ok, then.”

They assembled the tent in the backyard somewhere people wouldn’t bother them.

Later that day, they sat by a bonfire at the beach and cooked their meal. Everything was calm, especially because everyone was tired. Once inside the tent, they got ready to sleep.

“My neck hurts.” Lexa pointed out.

“You just need to ask.”

Lexa looked at Clarke, confused. “Ask what? I just said my neck hurts.”

Clarke moved closer. “Sit up.” Lexa did and Clarke kneeled behind Lexa. “Relax your body.”

She started to massage Lexa’s neck, moving her fingers everywhere needed. Lexa shivered several times, it was really relaxing.

“What would I do without you?” Lexa asked, maintaining her eyes closed as Clarke massaged her neck.

“You would feel the pain during Spring Break.” They chuckled. “Ok, I’m done. You can lay down again.”

“Are you going to cuddle with me?”

“I didn’t know how needy you were.”

“Ok, Griffin. I don’t want it anymore.” Lexa said and turned her back to Clarke.

Clarke laughed and kneeled next to Lexa. She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss behind Lexa’s neck.

“Are you sure you don’t want me cuddling with you?”

Lexa tried to maintain her previous statement. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Clarke kissed her cheek, her temple, and then her forehead.

“Are you entirely sure?”

“I happen to think you are the one who wants to cuddle with me.” Lexa said.

“If that helps you sleeping during the night, yes.”

Lexa sighed and turned to Clarke. “Ok, then.” She pulled Clarke to her and embraced her. “Just because you were begging me.”

“Yes, right, Woods.”

 

 

 

 

The next day, they were going to the beach during the morning.

“Did you bring your bikini or do you need to borrow?” Clarke asked.

“No, I brought it. Thanks.”

Both of them used the bathroom inside the house to change. Raven and Octavia were ready.

“Come on guys, I need to let the sunlight kiss my skin.” Raven stated.

“We are ready Raven, relax.”

When they got there, everyone took their clothes off and Lexa couldn’t help but gulp when she saw Clarke’s body. Of course she had seen her in underwear before, but now it was totally different. She had never really appreciated a body like she was appreciating Clarke’s now.

“Lexa, you’re staring at her.” Octavia said, smirking.

Lexa closed her mouth and swallowed again. “I wasn’t.”

Octavia laughed. “Of course not.” She replied sarcastically.

Lexa’s face reddened and she tried to hide it. Clarke approached her.

“Hey, you ok?”

Lexa blushed even more. “Yes.” She nodded.

 

 

Later that day, everyone was hanging out in the backyard. They were talking and unconsciously, Clarke slid her hand to Lexa’s and intertwined their fingers. Lexa looked down discretely and smirked.

“What?” Clarke asked, confused.

“Nothing.” She smiled again.

Clarke looked around trying to find out and then she noticed their hands.

“Oh… It was me, wasn’t it?” She scratched her head with the other hand. “Is this ok?” She pointed a finger to their hands.

Lexa looked into her eyes and cupped Clarke’s cheek with her free hand. She leaned forward and pecked Clarke’s lips. Clarke was surprised but melted right away. Lexa pulled back and smiled.

“Yes, it’s ok.”

“Lexa.” Clarke said, still surprised. “You just kissed me in front of everyone.”

“Isn’t that ok?” Lexa frowned.

“No, it’s fine, actually. I just thought you didn’t want anyone to know.”

“And why not? This is none of their business.” She said softly.

“Can I kiss you again?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded with a smile.

Clarke leaned forward, capturing Lexa’s lips.

 

 

The other day, they went to a liquor store to buy some booze for the day.

“What are you buying?” Lexa asked Clarke.

“Vodka, I guess. And you?”

“I’m not sure if I’ll drink.”

“Come on, Lexa. You gotta drink with us.” Raven said as she approached them.

“Rae is right, Lexa.” Octavia added.

“We could share the vodka.” Clarke suggested.

“My tequila is right here.” Raven said, embracing the bottle like it was a newborn.

“I still haven’t decided.” Octavia said and walked away.

After the store, they headed to the house again. Someone had suggested a pool party and so they started the party.

“Did you get the ice?” Clarke asked.

“Yes.”

Lexa took the two cups and poured vodka inside the cups with ice.

“Cheers!” She clinked her cup with Lexa’s.

Lexa looked at Clarke. She wondered how could she be so lucky to fall in love with someone like Clarke. She was intelligent, caress, protective, outgoing, and beautiful, of course. Her eyes were amazingly blue and deep. She stared right into them and stepped closer. She held the back of Clarke’s neck and leaned in for a gentle kiss.

“What was that for?” Clarke smiled.

“I just like you a lot.” Lexa smirked.

As the night came, almost everyone was drunk already, including Lexa and Clarke. They were drinking since that afternoon.

“Ok, tell me something funny.” Lexa asked.

“Funny? I don’t know anything funny. Not right now, at least.”

“Come on, if we don’t talk about something, I’ll fall asleep right here.”

“Can I tell you a fun fact?”

“Sure.”

“You remember the day I got into that fight at school?” Lexa nodded. “And then I went over to your house and you were…” Clarke sighed deeply. She didn’t like to remember that. “And you were kissing him?” She didn’t want to say his name.

“Yes, Clarke.” Lexa took the girl’s hand.

“That was the day I realized I was in love with you.”

Lexa brushed Clarke’s cheek with the back of her hand.

“I’m sorry I took so long to realize the same.”

“I’m not telling you so you can blame yourself. I just wanted you to know.”

“I know.” Lexa said and kissed her cheek. Lexa thought about something for a few minutes and finally said. “I guess I started to realize at that party on New Year’s eve. But I think the day I really realized was that day we went to that camping. I was waking you up and I knew something had changed.”

Clarke held Lexa’s gaze for a long time. They just stared at each other, mentally memorizing each trace of their faces.

“I love your eyes, Lexa.”

“And I love yours. Every time I look at them, I feel a lot looser.”

“I love your hair.”

“I love yours as well, Clarke.”

“I love the way you say my name.”

“And why is that, Clarke?” Lexa said her name just to tease the girl.

“I don’t know. It just makes me happy. I love your smell.”

“I love everything about you, Clarke.”

 “I also love your lips.”

“Prove, then.”

Clarke dropped her cup and rushed to Lexa. She intertwined her hands behind Lexa’s neck and kissed her. Lexa kissed her back and placed her hands on Clarke’s waist, bringing her closer. Their mouths tasted alcohol but it didn’t lessen the pleasing kiss. It was passionate but also gentle at the same time. Lexa bit Clarke’s bottom lip gently and soothed it with another kiss. They were interrupted with a familiar voice.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Raven yelled. “Get a room!” She burst in laughter and walked away.

Lexa’s cheeks were burning.

“Did I prove it well?”

“Yes, you did.” Lexa smiled.

“I’m glad. Just let me know when you are not so sure about how much I love your lips.” Clarke winked.

Before Lexa could say anything else, a girl came over with something in hands.

“Brownie?”

“Yes, please.” Clarke answered right away and took one.

Lexa just shook her head and the girl left. Clarke was about to take a bite when Lexa stopped her hand.

“Please, don’t eat it.”

“Why not? I’ll have just one.”

“Clarke, I don’t want you getting used to it. Every chance you have, you get one. Please, do not eat this. You don’t need it.”

Clarke thought about that. She could see in Lexa’s eyes that the girl really didn’t want Clarke eating that.

“You’re right. Who needs a brownie like this when there is someone like you right here?” She smiled and tossed the brownie away.

Lexa was surprised but how easy it was.

“Thanks.” She said.

“Will you make it up to me?”

“Yes, I’ll play with your hair so you can sleep.” She gave Clarke a pure smiled and Clarke couldn’t help but smile back.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of their trip was pretty much ordinary and like the previous days. They got back to their hometown, preparing for finals.

Clarke was studying for finals the week before and heard someone knocking on her door.

“Come in.”

“Hey, kiddo.” Jake stepped in.

“Hey, dad. What’s up?”

Jake walked over the bed and sat on the edge. “I was just wondering how your crush on Lexa is going.” He smirked. “You guys seem fine.”

“She knows. I didn’t tell you before because I was embarrassed but she knows. And she likes me back.” Clarke gave Jake the biggest smile he had ever seen. “But we are taking things slow, we don’t to rush and ruin our friendship.”

“I’m really glad, Clarke. I hope everything turns out the way you both want to.” He got up and waked towards Clarke, hugging her.

“Thanks, dad. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”

“Ok. Am I allowed to tell your mother about this?”

Clarke chuckled. “Yes, you are.”

“Alright, then.” He winked and left the room.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Finals were almost the same thing as every year. The difference was that she wouldn’t be taking any finals of high school anymore. It was really stressful, she didn’t have time to do much during the studying days. When she was finally done with high school, she took the first free day she had to nap all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? I know there wasn't anything relevant but their relationship is developing and as you already know, they want to take it slow.  
> Let me know what you think.  
> You can find me on Twitter: @lexasbitch  
> See ya!


	16. This is the start of something beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. For this chapter, I'll leave a link so you can check an image.  
> https://36.media.tumblr.com/2faf8e425b6d6d1282bc1112fa1b3378/tumblr_o4uuelTdsl1qklmwvo1_1280.jpg

School was finally over and now they had the whole summer before college. Lexa had asked Clarke if she wanted to go to the park and hang out for the day. She was waiting for Lexa, playing video game. The bell rang and she stood up. She opened the door and suddenly she forgot how to breath.

Lexa had shorts on and a white tank top. But the reason her breath was taken was because of Lexa’s legs. Apparently, Lexa had a very good genetic. Her legs were so strong and her skin seemed so smooth. Clarke couldn’t say anything nor take her eyes away from Lexa.

“Hello to you, too, Clarke. I’m fine, what about you?” Lexa joked.

“I’m great.” She snapped out of it and looked at Lexa. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it.”

“That’s ok. It’s funny, actually.” Lexa chuckled.

Clarke hit Lexa’s shoulder but laughed. “Not funny.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

They exited the house and entered Lexa’s car.

“You know we didn’t need a car, right? The park is not far away.”

“I know, Clarke. But I’m taking some treats.”

“Are you trying to conquer me with food, Woods?”

“Maybe.” Lexa joked.

They got to the park few minutes later. Lexa grabbed her bag and walked towards Clarke.

“Where do you want to sit?”

“I don’t really care but I would like somewhere quiet. I’m still overwhelmed with school.”

“Be glad it’s finally over.”

“I am.”

Clarke followed Lexa until they reached a large tree. Lexa chose a quiet spot and also a nice one. They sat near the tree and Lexa opened her bag.

“What did you bring to impress me?” Clarke smirked.

“Just some cookies, cupcakes, candies, chocolate…”

“You know me well, don’t you?” Clarke smiled.

“I guess I do.” Lexa gazed at Clarke.

Clarke smiled sheepishly and took Lexa’s hand. They ate half of the sweets. There was a lot of kids playing everywhere. Some of them were riding bicycles, others were running, some were eating candy cotton. That was a peaceful day. Clarke and Lexa talked about plans for college, the last finals they had in high school, and how good it was to have summer back.

“You know what Lexa? You gave me many sweets but you didn’t give me what I really want right now.” Clarke pointed out.

“And what you be that?” Lexa smirked.

“You know, I like your lips a lot…” Clarke started and Lexa stood up.

“Well, Griffin, if you want to taste them,” She started to climb the tree. “You are gonna have to climb here.” She finished after she sat on a tree limb a few feet from the ground.

“Lexa! It’s not fair.” Clarke whined.

“I thought you liked my lips a lot. You might even have mentioned how you loved them.” Lexa pouted.

Clarke huffed and got up. “Fine.”

Clarke had a little more difficulty to climb the tree but she did and sat in front of Lexa.

“You know, I don’t really heights.”

“Yes, but you’ll get your reward now.” Lexa scooted closer and held Clarke’s face in her hands.

Lexa stared at Clarke before doing anything else. She loved to scan the girl’s face every time she got the chance. She couldn’t get tired of Clarke’s eyes. She had never seen such blue eyes like those. Her nose was so delicate, her wavy hair so lovely. She could smell Clarke’s perfume and feel her irregular breathing. Lexa felt butterflies in her stomach. She was amazed with such beauty, not just physically but also inner beauty.

Lexa closed her eyes and started to lean forward really slow. She felt Clarke sighing. She rested their foreheads together and licked her dry lips. Lexa brushed her lips with Clarke’s and waited for Clarke’s response. Clarke got even closer to Lexa and placed her hand on Lexa’s tights. Lexa took that as a positive sign and kissed Clarke. As always, the kiss was gentle and passionate. Clarke deepened the kiss and Lexa corresponded with the same intensity but always careful. Lexa pulled away slowly and looked at Clarke silently.

“Talk to me.” Clarke asked, after few minutes of silence.

Lexa let out a happy sigh and held Clarke’s hand. She squeezed it gently.

“I can’t help falling in love with you.” She whispered.

Clarke felt her chest fill with warmth and she couldn’t hold back her large smile. She didn’t really know how to answer to that because nothing she could think of, would be enough.

“Good, Lex. Because I already fell for you and I don’t think I would be able to get up.” She said it softly and pecked Lexa’s lips quickly.

Lexa sighed again. She was really happy with everything that was happening between them. She didn’t want to wait anymore. 

“I don’t think we need to wait and take things slow, Clarke. You remember that connection we talked about? I think it’s enough for us.” She paused and scanned the blonde’s face, searching for any sign of disapproval. “I would be completely happy if I could be able to call you mine. So, would you give me the honor to call you my girlfriend?”

Clarke was breathless. She just nodded and leaned forward to kiss Lexa again. After that, Clarke looked to Lexa with a smirk on her face.

“Does this mean I’m allowed to eat the last cookie?” Clarke asked.

Lexa’s eyes widened. “Of course not.”

Clarke couldn’t help her laughter.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke arrived home after her day at the park with Lexa. Her parents were sitting in the living room, playing cards.

“Hey, sweetie.” Abby said, never looking away from her cards.

“Hey, mom.” Clarke approached them. “Who is winning the game?”

“I am.” Jake said, proud of himself.

“I’m not sure about that, dad. Maybe, any of you is winning the game.” Clarke smirked.

“What do you mean?” Abby asked, curious.

“Lexa asked.” Clarke smiled.

“To be your girlfriend?” Jake was surprised.

“Yes.” Clarke blushed.

“FINALLY!” Abby said in an excited way. “I thought you guys wouldn’t get your stuff together.”

Clarke laughed. “Me neither, but we just wanted to take it slow. It seems we didn’t really need it.”

“Sure didn’t. I’m happy for you, kiddo.” Jake smiled.

“Thanks, dad. I’m gonna go to my room.”

Clarke walked towards her room and laid down. She took her phone from her pocket and typed.

**Clarke** : I told my parents

Clarke didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

**Lexa** : Wow, that was fast.

**Clarke** : I just couldn’t help it :(

**Lexa** : It’s ok, I wasn’t complaining, relax ;)

**Clarke** : Thanks for today

**Lexa** : Thanks for saying yes

**Clarke** : How could anyone say no to someone so cute like you?

**Lexa** : I’m not cute, Clarke

**Clarke** : Whatever helps you sleep at night :D

**Lexa** : I have to go, Anya is annoying me with details.

**Lexa** : I’ll text you later

**Clarke** : Ok

 

* * *

 

 

About a week later, Jake would take Clarke, Lexa, Raven, and Octavia to find an apartment to share. The four girls were going to Polis University so their parents decided it would be better for them to share an apartment. Jake took his day off to find a cool place.

He drove them to Polis and visited some apartments. They needed to find a place everyone liked. Jake would talk to the other girls’ parents later.

They visited 4 apartments before finding one everyone liked. It wasn’t so small but also wasn’t so big. Each girl would have her own bedroom and bathroom. Jake took pictures of the place and after that, they headed back to their city.

He talked with Kyle, the Blakes, and Raven’s mom. Everyone liked the apartment and decided to rent it for the girls.

 

* * *

 

 

The girls would move in the apartment in a week so Clarke had to start packing. She packed most of her clothes and shoes, all her girly stuff. She also packed some books and other stuff to distract herself if she needed to. She still had a lot to pack but she decided to take a break and checked her phone.

**Lexa** : Are you done packing, Griff?

Clarke smiled and typed.

**Clarke** : You know me, Lex. Of course not, my room is a mess

**Lexa** : I imagined

**Clarke** : Are YOU done?

**Lexa** : Of course I am

**Clarke** : fuck

**Lexa** : Do you want some help?

**Clarke** : Nah, I’m fine

**Lexa** : Ok, then. Let me know if you change your mind.

**Clarke** : You’re the best! Thanks

**Lexa** : ;)

 

* * *

 

 

A week later, they were heading to Polis with their stuff loaded inside the car. Jake was taking Clarke and Lexa. Octavia’s father was taking Octavia and Raven.

Clarke took the room next to Lexa’s and Raven had to take the room next to Octavia’s. Not that she would care, it was fine. Also, they knew Lexa and Clarke would want to stay near each other, especially now that they were dating.

Jake and O’s father helped them to take their stuff in the apartment. When they were done, they said goodbye and left. The four of them were sitting in the living room.

“Ok, we need to celebrate.” Raven stated.

“Celebrate what, Rae?” Clarke frowned.

“Well, we live without our parents now. We should take a drink to celebrate.”

“I’m in.” Octavia said.

“We don’t really have choice, Clarke.” Lexa said and stood up. “I’m going to shower.”

“I guess we all need to shower. It’s pretty hot today.” Clarke said.

Everyone showered and got ready to go out. They decided to go to a local bar everyone talked about. They sat at the bar and waited for the bartender.

“We should start with tequilas.” Octavia suggested and everyone nodded.

Raven ordered the shots and waited. Everyone took the shots and placed the cup down.

“This shit is strong.” Lexa said. “I don’t know why I always agree to drink it.”

Clarke laughed. “It’s not that bad, Lex.”

“Yeah, sure.” Lexa rolled her eyes playfully.

They sat there for a long time, talking about college, the city, and expectations. After a while, Lexa excused herself and headed to the bathroom. When she was done, she headed to the bar again and found Clarke talking to some guy that sat on the free seat beside Clarke. He seemed interested, of course. Who wouldn’t? That was Clarke. Lexa walked back to her own seat beside Clarke. As she was approaching them, she heard the guy.

“Let me buy you a drink. I’m sure a beautiful girl like you would like some nice drink.” He winked at Clarke, which made Lexa’s eyes roll. Lexa sat and turned to Clarke. She took her hand gently, making Clarke look at her. She placed her free hand on Clarke’s cheek and gave her a long peck on the lips. She pulled away and looked over the guy.

“I’m sorry, but she’s taken.”

His jaw dropped. He nodded, not really happy but left. When he was far enough, Lexa let her shoulders relax and kissed Clarke again.

“Were you jealous?” Clarke smirked.

“Not at all. Just taking care of what’s mine.” She winked at Clarke.

“Well, I think you were jealous.” Raven teased Lexa.

“Shut up, Reyes.” Lexa laughed. “He is probably the one who is jealous, since he doesn’t have a girlfriend like Clarke.”

“Oh my god, Lexa. You’re such a sap.” Clarke said.

Lexa frowned. “No, I’m not.” She said serious.

“Whatever you say, Lex.” Clarke said and kissed Lexa’s cheek.

Lexa couldn’t help her smile and Raven couldn’t hold her laughter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke finally dating, huh? Fluffy.  
> The 4 of them, living together. This is dangerous. Hahaha.  
> PLEASE, let me know what you think.  
> See you next week!


	17. Feel It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID I FORGET TO UPDATE LAST WEEK???????

The next day, unpacking and organizing their stuff was a mission. Lexa was the first one to wake up. She had to go out to buy breakfast because they still had to go to the grocery store. She bought coffee and muffins. She got home and found Raven talking to Octavia.

“Morning.” Lexa said, shutting the door. “Where’s Clarke?” She placed the cups and muffins on the coffee table.

“Sleeping, of course.” Octavia said.

“I don’t know why I bother asking.” Lexa sighed. “I’ll wake her up.”

Lexa headed to Clarke’s bedroom. She knocked softly on the door. Clarke didn’t answer so she opened the door slowly. Clarke was deep asleep in bed. Lexa sat next to Clarke and started to caress the blonde’s cheek.

“Clarke?” She whispered. “Wake up.”

Clarke didn’t move so Lexa decided to try something different. She leaned down and started to kiss Clarke all over her face. She planted kisses on her nose, forehead, cheeks, chin, temple, and lips. Minutes later, Clarke started to stir in bed and smiled.

“You know how to wake someone up.” Clarke said with a husky tone.

“Yes, I do. Come on, I got you some coffee.”

“Nope. I’m not ready yet.” Clarke stated, grabbing Lexa by her shirt and pulling her down, making Lexa fall on top of her.

“What the…?” Lexa asked.

“Let’s take a nap.” Clarke pulled Lexa to lay beside her and cuddled.

“Clarke, you just woke up. You had enough sleep.”

“Yeah, but not enough sleep with you.” Clarke snuggled even closer.

“Oh sweet Jesus.”

“Please!” Clarke pouted.

Lexa sighed. “Fine. Just because you look adorable.”

Lexa embraced Clarke and rested her cheek on the top of Clarke’s head. She never intended to fall asleep, she would just hold Clarke but being next to the blonde was so calming that she couldn’t help it.

 

They woke up to Raven, knocking on the door constantly.

“CAN I COME IN? ARE YOU DECENT?” She yelled.

Clarke groaned and Lexa looked up.

“Of course we are decent, Raven. Come in.” Lexa said.

Raven opened the door and stepped in.

“What the fuck, Lexa? It’s been almost an hour since you said you would wake her up.”

“I’m awake now.” Clarke said.

“Good.” Raven said. “Now get up and start organizing your stuff. We have plans later.”

Raven turned around and started walking away.

“Come on, Clarke. No excuses.” Lexa said.

Before Clarke could answer, Raven shouted.

“GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, LEXA.”

Clarke looked at Lexa and shrugged.

“I better go.” Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s forehead and leaving.

She walked towards Raven who grabbed her by the wrist and guided Lexa to her room.

“What do you want, Rae?”

“I want the gossip.” Raven smirked.

“What gossip?” Lexa was confused.

“Really, lexa?” Raven huffed. “Ok. Have you and Clarke…? You know.”

Lexa blushed. “Are you asking me if we slept together?”

“Yes, I’m.”

“Of course not.” Lexa felt her face burning.

“And then why are you blushing?” Raven grinned.

“I am not.”

“Yes you are. Tell me!”

Lexa sighed and sat on Raven’s bed.

“We didn’t do it, I swear.”

“And why not?”

“I don’t know? We just… Never really talked about it.”

“I see… I was just curious.”

“I could see how curious.”

“Ok but don’t you want to?”

“Raven, what about not?” Lexa started to blush again.

“Of course you want. Ok, you are dismissed.” She joked.

Lexa just walked out the bedroom and headed towards hers. She started to put her clothes inside the drawers. Sat on the floor and started to fold some clothes when Clarke sat behind Lexa and hugged her.

“I missed you.” The blonde said.

“You saw me about 10 minutes ago. We took a nap together.” Lexa laughed.

“Yes, but I’m in love. Can’t help it.” Clarke said and kissed the back of Lexa’s neck.

Lexa shivered and Clarke noticed. She kissed the same spot and Lexa sighed.

“I guess I just found your weak spot.” Clarke chuckled, teasing her.

Lexa felt her face burning. “I didn’t even know about it. You really found it.” Lexa let out a shy laugh.

Clarke felt that Lexa got a little uncomfortable so she kissed Lexa’s shoulder and stood up. “I will go to my room and unpack.” She leaned down and pecked Lexa’s lips.

“Ok.” Lexa smiled.

 

The apartment was quiet, everyone was busy doing something. Lexa was the first one done unpacking. She waited for the others and when everyone was ready, they walked out of the apartment. They had to go to the grocery store but before that, they decided to walk around Polis just to know the city better.  

“What Raven wanted to talk to you about?” Clarke asked Lexa while they walked.

Lexa turned to blush and shook her head slightly. “It’s not important.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying, Clarke. I’m just omitting.”

“I still don’t like it. You’re supposed to be clear with me.”

Lexa sighed. “Ok, but can we talk about it later? She is right in front of us.”

“Ok, then.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek.

They walked around and found many places to hang out some time. After that, they headed to the grocery store.

“We can’t forget the beers.” Raven said.

“Jesus, Rae! First thing we need is food, not alcohol.” Octavia replied.

“O is right.” Lexa added.

They bought everything they needed plus the beers.

“Can we go out for dinner later?” Clarke asked.

“Yep. Can we go to that Mexican restaurant?” Octavia said.

“Sure.”

They headed back home, Lexa was holding one of Clarke’s hand while they walked. When they got home, Raven organized the kitchen.

“Hey, Lex. Have you have hooked the PS4 to the TV yet?” Clarke yelled to Lexa, who was in her bedroom.

“No.” Lexa yelled back. “Do you need help?”

“Nah, I got it.” Clarke replied.

When it was done, she turned the PS4 on and started to play Mad Max. They still had a while before dinner.

“What are you playing?” Lexa asked, from her room.

“Mad Max.” Replied Clarke.

“Cool.” Lexa came from her bedroom.

She sat beside Clarke, kissing her temple.

“Please, do not distract me.”

“Me? I would never.” Lexa said with a dramatic tone.

“Ok, lovebirds. I wanna play too.” Raven said.

“Later, Rae.” Clarke said, without taking her eyes off the screen.

About one hour later, they decided to leave and have dinner. They entered the Mexican restaurant and found a nice table right away. They looked over the menu and decided what to order. The waitress came back with their drinks and got the orders.

“Ok, we’ll have a Burrito Special, a Pollo Loco, a Nachos Supreme, and a Chimichanga.” Octavia ordered. When the waitress was far from their table, Octavia looked at Raven. “Why the hell did you ordered a Chimichanga, Raven? I thought the quesadilla was your favorite.”

“Does it matter? Deadpool likes it.”

“We are all a bunch of nerds.” Lexa breathed out, dramatically.

They ate and talked all the time. When they were done, they headed back to the apartment. Octavia and Raven started to play Mortal Kombat X, while Clarke went to her room finish unpacking, and Lexa headed to her own room to read a book.

She was focused reading her book when she heard a soft click coming from her door. Clarke shut the door and entered the bedroom.

“I’m done unpacking.” She sat on the bed, beside Lexa. “Do I get a reward?” Clarke smirked.

“You would have to unpack anyways, Clarke.”

Clarke pouted. “Are you denying me a kiss?”

“I don’t think I can.” Lexa closed her book and placed it on the nightstand. “Can I?” She looked to Clarke again.

“No, you can’t.” Clarke leaned forward and Lexa captured Clarke’s lips with her own.

They kiss started slow and gentle. Lexa could feel Clarke’s hot breath. She held the back of Clarke’s neck and brought her a little closer and Clarke deepened the kiss. The kiss was a little desperate. It was eager, intense, demanding, and maybe, even a little wet. Clarke felt her breathing becoming irregular and her heartbeat increasing. Her body was pleading for more contact, she felt like something was going to explode inside her if she didn’t find more contact.

With that feeling, she changed her position, straddling Lexa’s tights and sitting on her lap. Lexa was clearly surprised but she wasn’t complaining at all. That was the first time they were closer in an intimate way like that. Lexa rested both of her hands on Clarke’s back and started running them up and down. Clarke had her hands on the sides of Lexa’s face, holding it gently.

Lexa was breathless, so she sucked Clarke’s bottom lip and pulled back just a little so she could move her mouth to Clarke’s jawline, kissing all the length of the area. Clarke tilted her head to the side so Lexa could move to her neck. Lexa got the message and started to kiss her neck, nibbling it gently. She got to Clarke’s pulse point and sucked it softly, drawing a light moan from the girl.

Lexa moved her hands under Clarke’s shirt and squeezed her waist. Lexa had never felt like that before. Not with Josh, not with anyone else. She felt like she was losing control over her body. Her hands had the urge to touch Clarke and her lips had the need to kiss her girlfriend’s lips. She sighed in Clarke’s mouth and Clarke held her tighter.

Suddenly, Clarke pulled away slowly, resting her forehead on Lexa’s, eyes still closed.

“We should stop. We got carried away.” She whispered.

Lexa sighed, disappointed. “Ok. I understand if you don’t want to.”

Clarke pulled back so she could look into Lexa’s eyes.

“Of course I want to.” She pushed a strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear. “I’m glad you are going to be my first and-” She was cut off by Lexa.

“Your first?” Lexa was surprised. “But what about that boy you went out on a few dates last year?”

“Nothing happened, Lexa. You’ll be the first.” Clarke blushed.

Lexa couldn’t hide her smile. She always thought Clarke had had sex with that boy and now she finds out she would be the first. Lexa couldn’t be happier.

“I didn’t know…” She said.

“I’d have told you, don’t you think?”

“I thought you were embarrassed.” Lexa frowned. “Aren’t you ready yet?” She looked at Clarke.

“This is not the reason, Lexa. But I worry about you. You had a terrible experience with Josh. You got hurt not just physically, but also emotionally, and I… I’m afraid I’ll hurt you too, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Clarke was nervous about that. She knew she wouldn’t hurt Lexa emorionally because she would only do what Lexa wanted her to do, but she didn’t have any experience and so she was afraid she would screw that up.

“You’re not going to hurt me, Clarke.” Lexa lifted Clarke’s chin with her fingers.

Clarke could see how soft Lexa’s eyes were. She knew Lexa was trusting her for this and Clarke felt like crying because even with that horrible experience with Josh, Lexa was willing to give herself to Clarke entirely.

Clarke sighed deeply and looked right into Lexa’s eyes.

“I can’t hurt you because that would be the same as hurting me.” Clarke started. “And I… I have to say something. I’ve been trying to hold it back because maybe it is too early but I need to tell you.” Clarke stopped rambling and took a deep breath. “I love you, Lexa. Not just as a friend, I love you even more. I love you like Dobby loves socks.”

Lexa smiled gently and gazed at Clarke trying to memorize every single part of that moment. She ran the back of her hand down Clarke’s cheek and leaned a little closer. She could smell Clarke’s shampoo and she could also see how irregular her breathing was. She leaned further and brushed their lips together.

“You intoxicate me, Clarke.” Lexa murmured.

Then she took Clarke’s lower lip between hers and sucked it gently. She opened her mouth slightly and kissed Clarke so gently that Clarke could swear she was made of glass and Lexa was afraid to break her. When Lexa finally pulled back, she moved her hands to Clarke’s back and pulled her for a hug.

Clarke sighed. “Just promise me you’ll think about it before we decide to move forward, ok?”

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo?


	18. Love who loves you back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not Wednesday BUT I'm a lovely friend, a sweetheart, so I'm updating earlier because today is the birthday of one of my friends. A friend who came from the darkness, who has a lovely face, and someone who doenst like to be complimented because she doesnt know what to do. ANYWAYS, happy birthday, Lari.   
> I'm sure everyone will enjoy today's chapter.

College was about to start and everyone was excited for the first week. Their schedule was very similar, although Lexa and Raven would see each other more frequently when they had classes.

Lexa started her week with Geometry, Calculus, Chemistry, and Intro to Engineering. She met a lot of people and a had a lot to do already.

Clarke’s week wasn’t really different from Lexa’s. The difference was that she started with Biology and Chemistry. And also, a lot to do.

When Saturday finally came, they rested all day. Later, Raven and Octavia decided to go out to some party.

“Hey, lovebirds.” Raven called in the living room. “Are you guys going with us?”

“I don’t know…” Lexa replied, thinking about the idea.

“I’m sorry, Rae but I’m not feeling like it. I’ll just stay home and watch a movie.”

“It’s Saturday, Clarke.” Raven pointed out.

“I know, I’m just tired.”

“What about you, Lexa?” Raven turned to Lexa.

“Well, she’s my girlfriend. If she’s not going, I’m not going either.”

“You guys suck. So domestic.”

Everyone laughed and Raven left the living room grunting.

“You can go if you want.” Clarke changed her position on the couch to look at Lexa. “I won’t mind.”

“No, I’m fine. We had a busy week and because of that I miss you.” Lexa smiled.

“Such a sap.” Clarke said and pecked Lexa’s lips.

An hour or so later, Raven and Octavia headed out.

“Did you say something about a movie?” Lexa asked.

“Yes, are you up to it?”

“Sure. Let’s watch it in my room, we can use my Netflix account.”

“Ok.” Clarke stood up and helped Lexa to stand up too.

They headed to Lexa’s room and Lexa turned the TV on.

“Do you have anything in mind?” She looked at Clarke.

“I think I wanna watch a cartoon… What about Nemo?”

“Clarke, we’ve watched Nemo several times!”

“Please, Lexa! Just one more time.”

“How old are you?”

“It doesn’t matter. Please?” Clarke pouted.

Lexa sighed, dramatically. “Fine.”

Lexa laid beside Clarke and they started to watch the movie. Clarke had full attention to the movie, while Lexa had full attention to Clarke. To Clarke’s hair, eyes, chin, and lips. To her jawline, her pale skin, her nose, and her cheeks. She also loved Clarke’s personality, her stubbornness, and her love. There wasn’t a thing Lexa didn’t love about Clarke. She really loved Clarke, and also, not just as a friend. A life without Clarke wasn’t something imaginable.

Lexa scooted closer to Clarke and placed a soft kiss on her neck. Clarke didn’t move, she just kept her attention on the TV. Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s waist, keeping her still. She kissed Clarke’s neck again many times. She could feel Clarke’s body tense a little. She moved to her jawline, then to her chin, and finally to her lips. She gave Clarke a long peck and looked inside her eyes.

Lexa’s eyes were a dark green as she looked at Clarke.

“Lex… What are you doing?” Clarke asked, holding her breath.

“If you want this…” Lexa motioned between them. “You know, if you want to take the other step, I’m ready.”

“Lexa… Are you sure? I don’t want to hur-”

Clarke was cut off by Lexa’s lips on hers.

“Clarke, I’m sure. I love you.” Lexa could see Clarke’s lips curving up. “I love you, and I want you. If you want me too, of course.”

Clarke nodded carefully, taking the remote control and turning the TV off. She leaned up and pecked Lexa’s lips. She leaned her head back on the pillow and Lexa leaned down, capturing her lips again. It started gingerly, fond, and passionate. Lexa hadn’t mentioned but she was afraid Clarke wouldn’t like it, afraid she would regret later, just like Lexa did with Josh. Lexa wanted to take her time and make sure Clarke was completely sure about that.

Clarke could feel her heartbeat increasing, her breathing becoming a little irregular, and her body relaxing a bit. Lexa was being so careful with her, touching her face gently. Lexa bit her lower lip carefully and soothed it with another kiss.

Lexa’s hand lowered to Clarke’s waist, squeezing the area softly. Her other hand was beside Clarke’s head, supporting her weight. She slid her hand underneath Clarke’s shirt, and looked at her to make sure that was ok. Clarke sighed and closed her eyes with the contact. Lexa took that as a positive sign. She ran her fingers up and down Clarke’s side, while her lips moved to Clarke’s jawline. When she got near Clarke’s ears, she whispered.

“Can I take your shirt off?” And Clarke just nodded.

Lexa pulled away a little so Clarke could sit up to slide the shirt off. Lexa tossed the shirt somewhere and Clarke laid down again. Lexa admired Clarke’s body for a few seconds. She loved the pale skin and she also found out that she liked Clarke’s breasts very much. She wanted to take her bra off too but she would have to resist it for now.

Lexa leaned down again, attaching her lips to Clarke’s neck. She could feel Clarke shivering beneath her. Lexa kissed Clarke’s neck, also sucking the skin some times. Every spot she sucked, turned purple, leaving a mark that would need at least 10 days to disappear. Lexa kept her lips traveling Clarke’s body. She lowered them to Clarke’s collarbone, chest, and stomach. Lexa placed her hands on Clarke’s hips and looked at Clarke, asking for permission. When Clarke nodded, Lexa unbuttoned Clarke’s pants and slid them off. She sat between Clarke’s legs and took the view in front of her. They were matching, since both had black underwear. Lexa placed her hands on Clarke’s thighs and caressed the skin.

“Take off your shirt, Lexa.” Clarke ordered, bringing Lexa from her thoughts.

“As you wish.” She smiled and took her shirt off.

She kissed Clarke again, taking every kind of taste she could from Clarke. She slid her hands to Clarke’s back and held the bra’s clasp.

“Am I allowed to unclasp it?”

“Yeah.” Clarke breathed out.

Lexa unclasped the bra and took it off. She took her time admiring Clarke’s breasts. They were so big and so beautiful. She leaned down again, sucking Clarke’s pulse point. She cupped Clarke’s breasts with her hands and played with her nipples. Lexa lowered her head and took one nipple in her mouth. The tip of her tongue traveled around the aureola and then on the nipple. She sucked the nipple gently with her lips and Clarke couldn’t hold the moan in her throat anymore. Lexa smiled, glad she had discovered something Clarke liked.

“You like it, don’t you?” Lexa teased.

Clarke blushed and nodded sheepishly. Lexa worked more on that nipple and then she moved to the other one, giving the same attention. She drew many moans from Clarke. After she was done with Clarke’s breasts, she reached her lips again. Lexa was about to reach Clarke’s underwear but Clarke held her wrist. Lexa looked at her, worried.

“Are you ok?” She asked.

“No.” Lexa’s eyes widened. “You still have your sweatpants on. Take them off and you are free to continue your job.” Clarke smiled and Lexa felt relieved.

She took her sweatpants off and climbed on bed again. She reached for Clarke’s underwear and took them off. As soon as she laid her eyes on Clarke’s full naked body, she saw the blonde blushing.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” Lexa breathed out.

Lexa leaned down, kissing Clarke again as her hand traveled down. When she reached the spot she wanted, Lexa dipped a finger in, feeling Clarke’s folds. She felt Clarke sighing next to her. Lexa carefully played with Clarke’s clit.

“Can I go down on you?” She asked Clarke, in a very soft tone.

“Yes, please.” Clarke replied, with her eyes closed.

Lexa started her way down Clarke’s body. She knew it would be better if she started with that before sliding her fingers inside Clarke, her body would be more relaxed and it would be easier later.

Lexa kneeled between Clarke’s legs and held the blonde’s thighs. Lexa had never done that before but hopefully Anya’s tips would work. If Josh had done a good job, maybe she would have known better. She started kissing the interior of Clarke’s thighs, making her pant. She left her mark on Clarke’s thigh and moved to her center. Her tongue slid through Clarke’s folds and around Clarke’s clit very, very slowly. Lexa sucked Clarke’s clit and then she released it, licking the area around her clit but not touching it. She moved her tongue to Clarke’s entry and licked it with the tip of her tongue.

Clarke already felt much relaxed, she couldn’t really think about was what happening. She could just feel everything and that was all. Lexa reached one of Clarke’s breast and started to play with it, drawing sounds from Clarke. When she felt Clarke’s body a lot more relaxed, Lexa retracted her hand from Clarke’s breast and placed the tip of her finger in Clarke’s entry.

“Can I put a finger in?” Lexa asked.

“Yes.” Clarke moaned.

She pushed her finger inside Clarke slowly, making sure she wasn’t causing any pain and giving her body time to adapt. She slid her finger a little more.

“Is this ok? Do you want me to stop?”

“Lexa… Just keep going like this… And I’ll be fine.” Clarke replied, her eyes still closed.

When her finger was fully inside Clarke, she gave her girlfriend small thrusts.

“God, Lex! I like it…” Clarke breathed out.

“Do you want me to put another finger?” Lexa asked, making sure she wouldn’t do anything Clarke wouldn’t like.

“Yes.” Clarke mumbled.

Lexa slowly introduced another finger. She could feel Clarke’s body adapting to the new intruder. Clarke was panting slightly, Lexa kissed her gently and looked into her eyes.

“Are you ok? Can I keep going?”

Clarke nodded. “Yes, I’m not made of glass.” She smiled and Lexa felt relieved.

“Ok then.”

She began the small thrusts once again as Clarke closed her eyes. Lexa loved the effect she had on her girlfriend. She increased her pace lightly and heard another soft moan from Clarke. She kept her pace for a while and she felt Clarke’s body relaxing even more.

“Lexa…” Clarke tried to talk. “Faster.” She asked and Lexa couldn’t say no to her.

She increased her thrusts and soon Clarke was arching on bed, moaning more frequently.

“Fuck, Lexa!”

Lexa kept her attention to her thrusts, making sure to memorize everything Clarke liked. Minutes later, Clarke came undone and let her body fall on bed again.

“Geez, Lex! I can see the fucking stars right now.” Clarke breathed out.

“Was that ok?” Lexa asked, still unsure.

“That was amazing… But I need a couple minutes to restore my strength.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“Yes but I probably won’t be quite as good as you.”

“You will, you know what to do.”

Clarke straddled Lexa and looked into her eyes.

“Let’s see then.”

She leaned down and kissed Lexa. She kissed Lexa’s neck on her weak spot, making the girl shiver.

“You ok?” Clarke asked.

Even though it wasn’t Lexa’s first time, Clarke remembered how bad it was for her before, so she wanted to make sure Lexa would have a pleasurable time.

“Yes, Clarke.” Lexa murmured.

Clarke kept lowering her mouth, until she reached Lexa’s chest. She unclasped Lexa’s bra, revealing her breasts. They weren’t as big as Clarke’s, but they were so beautiful, delicate, and unique.

“Will you just stare?” Lexa asked with a chuckle.

Clarke wetted her lips, still staring at Lexa’s breasts.

“I’ve never wanted to taste something so bad as I want right now.” As soon as she finished her sentence, she dove in and captured one of Lexa’s nipples. Lexa moaned softly and felt something rising between her legs.

Clarke rolled her tongue around Lexa’s nipple and then she sucked it gently, drawing a whimper from Lexa.

“You like it.” Clarke affirmed with a husky voice. She felt a little more confident when she heard Lexa whimpering again.

“Yes.” Lexa nodded.

Clarke then moved to the other breast and repeated what she did before. Lexa started stirring slightly while Clarke worked on her nipple. Lexa felt something throbbing between her legs and she wanted Clarke to touch her.

“Clarke.” Lexa panted.

“Yes?” Clarke said on Lexa’s nipple.

“I… I need you to touch me.” Lexa said, shyly.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Clarke teased, lowering one of her hands to Lexa’s hip and holding it tightly.

“Come on, Clarke…” Lexa breathed out.

“Sorry, Lex. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Clarke said and before Lexa could complain again, Clarke placed her knee between Lexa’s legs without warning.

“Sweet. Jesus.” Lexa cried, breathing irregularly.

“Is that what you wanted?”

“Yes.”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s wetness but didn’t say anything. She had to keep concentrated so she could please her girlfriend. Lexa started grinding on Clarke’s leg searching for more friction. Clarke left Lexa’s boobs and kissed her again, roughly. She hooked her fingers on Lexa’s underwear and slid it off. She started kissing her again while her hand replaced her knee. She massaged Lexa’s center gently and Lexa could barely hold her moans back. Clarke kissed all over Lexa’s neck and circled the tip of her middle finger on Lexa’s enter. She felt the other girl shiver and arch her back a little. Clarke reached Lexa’s ear and whispered.

“You ok?”

Lexa could barely hear what Clarke was asking so she just nodded. Clarke decided to put a finger in and as soon as the tip of her finger was inside Lexa, Lexa gasped. Clarke put her whole finger inside Lexa and started thrusting a little. Lexa closed her eyes and bit her lower lip.

Clarke kept her pace and when she thought it was it was time, she slid another finger in. She kept her lips on Lexa’s neck but kept her attention to her thrusts. As soon as she started increasing her thrusts, Lexa intertwined her fingers on Clarke’s hair and brought her lips to hers, kissing her roughly and needy.

Both girls started panting and Clarke felt Lexa’s walls closing around her fingers. She increased her speed and massaged Lexa’s clit with her thumb. Lexa came soon and Clarke felt proud of herself.

“Now…” Lexa panted. “Now I know what you meant… by telling me you could see the stars.”

Clarke withdrew her fingers from Lexa and laid atop her.

“I had a good teacher.” She breathed out.

“I’m exhausted.” Lexa said.

“Me too.”

Clarke rolled to her side and laid on bed, turning her back to Lexa. Like a magnet, Lexa scooted closer and held Clarke close, her face on the back of the blonde’s neck, breathing her in.

“We should get some sleep.” Lexa said, kissing the back of Clarke’s neck.

“I love you.” Clarke whispered.

“I love you too.” Lexa replied

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaaaaaaaay, how was that? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!  
> Don't forget I love suggestions.  
> I wrote the sex scene more romantic because I thought it suited their first time.  
> Also, you can find me on Twitter: @lexasbitch  
> See ya!


	19. Talking about my girl (my girl)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! Busy week it is. I really need to start writing again because I only have 3 more chapter ready and I think this story will have about 50 chapters.   
> Anyways, have fun.

 “What the fuck?” Lexa woke up with the sun on her face, she tried to remember where she was.

She saw she was in her room and then she felt someone stirring beside her and felt fingers intertwined with hers. She couldn’t help but smile. She brought Clarke closer and kissed her shoulder.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.” Lexa kissed her again.

“No.”

“Come on, Clarkey. You’re already awake.”

“I can’t move.”

“And why not?”

“I’m tired, exhausted.”

“I understand but we have to get up and see if Raven and O are home.”

“I bet they are.”

“Come on, Clarke.” Lexa said, kissing her one more time and getting up. “I’m gonna shower and I want you up when I get back.”

Lexa headed to the bathroom and Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes off of Lexa’s butt.

“You have a nice ass.”

Lexa chuckled. “Shut up.” She said and closed the bathroom door.

Clarke sighed and decided to go shower in her bathroom. She put her clothes back on and sneaked out of Lexa’s room. She entered her room and headed to the shower. When she was done, she found Lexa sitting on her bed.

“I’m proud of you.” Lexa said.

“Why?”

“You got up by yourself. And showered.” Clarke laughed.

“I’m a big girl.” She took off the towel that was covering her body.

Lexa’s eyes widened. “You should put some clothes on.”

“Don’t you like what you see?” Clarke teased.

“I sure do, but we just woke up and seeing you like this, makes me feel things.”

Clarke laughed. “Ok, I’ll put clothes on.”

She grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Are the girls here?”

“Yes, Raven is passed out on the couch and O is in her room, asleep.”

“So we won’t hear from them about this.” Clarke motioned between them.

Lexa chuckled. “Yeah, they will find out eventually but we still have some time to live in peace.”

Both girls laughed and Clarke laid on bed dragging Lexa with her, snuggling next to the girl.

 

* * *

 

 

The next week, the girls were in the library with some other people. Some of them were studying for upcoming tests and some were just doing their homework. Lexa was sitting beside Clarke, doing her physics’ homework.

“I’m bored.” Clarke said.

“Clarke, you’re not even done with your homework. Get it done and then you’ll think about getting bored.”

“Bossy.” Clarke murmured, getting back to her homework.

She got it done not too long later and so she was bored again. Lexa was still doing hers, she was really concentrated so Clarke decided to have her fun. Discretely, she placed her left hand on her lap and when she was sure no one was paying attention, she slid her hand to Lexa’s thigh. Lexa looked at her with widened eyes and a questioning look. Clarke just shrugged and slid her hand further to Lexa’s center. Lexa grabbed her hand and mouthed a “what the fuck?” to Clarke.

Clarke just smiled and bit her lip. Her hand still in place, held by Lexa’s. Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand and when she thought Clarke would withdraw her hand, she moved it Lexa’s center cupping it and massaging slowly.

Lexa cleared her throat and closed her books.

“Ok, I’m done. I have to go. You girls coming?” She looked to Raven and Octavia.

“Yeah.” Octavia said.

“Can we go to Starbucks first?” Raven asked.

“Sure.” Lexa said, getting up and taking Clarke’s hand in hers.

They all decided to have a drink at Starbucks. Clarke was in line to get their drinks while the other 3 girls waited for her. She was waiting the barista with her drinks when she saw a girl seated next to Lexa, with her hand on Lexa’s thigh and talking to her girlfriend. Suddenly, she felt her blood boiling and prayed for the barista to get done with the drinks. When she was finally done, she headed for their table and noticed that the girl was even closer to Lexa.

Raven and Octavia looked at her, terrified. When Lexa finally looked at her girlfriend, she wanted to die. Clarke was about to kill someone.

“Who. The fuck. Is. This?” Clarke asked.

“Oh! Me?” The girl looked at Clarke. “I’m Kate.” She smiled and looked back at Lexa “So, what time are you picking me up?”

Lexa just looked at Clarke as she was asking for help.

“Get off of her.” Clarke said, a very low voice.

“Why? Is there a problem?”

“Well, yes. There is. You are touching my girlfriend and if you don’t back off, we’ll have problems.”

“She didn’t turn me down. Maybe she is interested. Maybe she wants to give it a shot.”

Clarke didn’t want to cause a scene, so she just placed the 3 other drinks on the table and headed out. She was so pissed and upset. Lexa didn’t do anything to get the girl off of her. Clarke didn’t wait for them, she didn’t want to go home, not after that.

She headed to a park nearby and found a bench to sit. She sipped her coffee and felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. Her phone rang several times before she decided to turn it off. She had waited so long to be with Lexa and now, every chance to get it ruined scared her. She expected more of Lexa. It wasn’t difficult to say “No, I have a girlfriend.”, she just had to say it.

Clarke observed couple kids playing around and tried to busy her mind with that. Unfortunately, she couldn’t stay longer. She had to go back and finish her essay for Chemistry. She got up and headed to her apartment.

She opened the door and stepped in, quietly. She didn’t want anyone noticing she was at home. Raven was napping on the couch and couldn’t see Clarke arriving. She tiptoed to her bedroom, she closed the door quietly and when she turned around, she noticed Lexa sleeping on her bed. She was probably waiting for Clarke. Clarke sighed and headed to the bathroom. She had a long bath, trying to relax and find courage to tell Lexa to go to her room. After she was done and dressed with her pajamas, she kneeled beside Lexa.

“Lexa, wake up.” She shook her girlfriend gently. “You have to go to your room.”

Lexa stirred and opened her eyes slowly.

“Clarke?” She sat up quickly.

“Lexa, go to your room. I need to finish my essay and I’m tired.”

“Clarke, we need to talk.” Lexa rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands.

“Not now, Lexa. Please, go.” Clarke couldn’t look at her.

Lexa sighed and got up. “Look at me, please.” Clarke obliged. “Let me know when you’re done.”

Lexa didn’t wait for an answer, she kissed Clarke’s forehead and just left the room. Clarke let out a long sigh and started working on her essay again. She took some time to get it done and when she was finally done, she just turned the lights off and headed to bed.

She felt bad for not telling Lexa she was done but she was really tired and still upset. The problem was that she couldn’t really sleep. She was just rolling in bed thinking about her awful day. After a while, someone opened her door quietly, she knew it was Lexa. She pretended she was sleeping and seconds later she heard the door closing. However, she didn’t expect someone to lie down beside her and embrace her from behind. She held her breath as Lexa got comfortable in her bed.

“I love you, Clarke.” Lexa whispered, thinking Clarke was actually sleep.

Clarke couldn’t avoid the pain in her chest. She knew Lexa loved her, but she also couldn’t avoid being upset.

“I love you too, Lexa.” She answered and Lexa raised her head.

“I thought you were sleeping.”

“Can’t sleep.”

“Can we… Can we talk? Please? I don’t want to go to sleep like this.” Lexa looked apprehensive.

Clarke let out a long sigh and turned to face Lexa. “Ok.”

Lexa looked relieved.

“Ok, I’m sorry for today. But I never considered going out with her. I swear, Clarke. I didn’t want to.”

“I believe you, Lexa. But she was touching you. She was touching your thigh! You didn’t even tell her to back off or anything. She was invading your personal space…” Clarke took a pause and felt tears rolling down her cheeks. “God, Lexa… She was fucking touching you like you were so intimate.”

“Sorry for being stupid and not saying anything. I was surprised with the way approached me that I didn’t even know what to do. That was my fault. I’m really sorry.” Lexa said, wiping Clarke’s tears. “I love you.” Lexa whispered.

Clarke sighed and closed her eyes. “I love you too.”

Lexa placed a soft kiss to Clarke’s lips. Clarke kissed her back, cupping Lexa’s cheek.

“If you ever make me feel jealous again, I’ll destroy the PS4.” Clarke warned her girlfriend, making Lexa laugh.

“I won’t.” Lexa brought Clarke closer to her. “Sorry for ruining your plans.”

After a second, Clarke realized what Lexa was talking about. She opened her eyes and let go of Lexa’s arms.

“You deserve to be punished for that.” Clarke said, very serious about that.

“But you love the PS4 too!” Lexa whined.

“I’m not talking about the PS4.” Clarke straddled Lexa’s hips, taking both of Lexa’s hands and leaning down to kiss the girl.

Lexa kissed her back as soon as their lips touched. If that was the punishment, she was willing to take it. Clarke let go of Lexa’s hands and held her waist, making Lexa sigh. She continued her kisses and soon she moved her lips to Lexa’s jawline.

Her hands moved up and own Lexa’s sides underneath the girl’s shirt. Clarke moved to Lexa’s neck then, never forgetting her weak spot. As soon as her lips reached the right spot, Lexa let out a small moan.

After a while, Clarke placed both hands on Lexa’s back and helped her to sit up so Clarke could take her shirt off. She pushed Lexa back to bed after taking her shirt off. She trailed her kisses down to Lexa’s collarbone, drawing another moan from Lexa’s throat.

Before Clarke could go any further, she slid Lexa’s shorts off and tossed it somewhere on the floor. She placed both hands on Lexa’s hips. She kept kissing her collarbone and then her chest until she reached for Lexa’s bra and unclasped it, revealing the girl’s breasts.

Clarke locked her eyes to Lexa’s and leaned down, never breaking eye contact, capturing one of Lexa’s nipples and making the girl moan louder this time. She placed her knee between Lexa’s legs to feel how wet she already was. She was pretty worked up. Since Clarke wanted to tease her girlfriend, she withdrew her mouth from Lexa’s nipple and climbed off of the other girl, laying by her side and pretending she was going to sleep.

“Good night, Lex.” Clarke said, trying to hide her smile.

“Clarke… What…?” Lexa was confused. “Clarke! You need to finish this now.” Lexa begged.

“Well, I wanted to do it earlier but then you let that bitch touch you so this is my revenge.” Clarke smirked.

“Clarke! Please?” Lexa asked again.

“Nope.” Clarke shook her head.

Lexa sighed and got up to take her shirt back. When she turned to bed again, Clarke was topless.

“Stop teasing me if you’re not going to do anything about it.” Lexa said.

Clarke got up and walked towards Lexa. She took the shirt from Lexa’s hand and tossed it to the floor again.

“Lay in bed. Now.” Clarke said and Lexa obliged more than happy.

Clarke straddled the girl again and kissed her passionately. She hooked her fingers to Lexa’s underwear and took it off quickly. She looked at Lexa’s eyes while she slid her finger through Lexa’s folds.

“You’re wet.”

“Yes, Clarke. Can you put it in now?”

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Clarke, please! Put it in. Stop teasing me!”

“No, Lexa.” Clarke said and before Lexa could complain again, Clarke leaned down and replaced her finger with her tongue. Lexa whimpered and held Clarke’s hair between her fingers.

“Fuck…” Lexa breathed out.

Clarke moved her tongue through Lexa’s folds and occasionally sucked the girl’s clit. She tried to remember everything Lexa did so she could do the same. Clarke could feel Lexa grinding on her mouth, so she put a finger in and started thrusting.

“Clarke… Go faster.” Lexa pleaded.

Lexa tightened her fingers in Clarke’s hair and Clarke put another finger in.

She kept her thrusts and sucking on Lexa’s clit.  Lexa came not too long later and Clarke smiled.

“God… That was much better than the other day, just… Amazing.” Lexa was panting.

“Glad to hear that.” Clarke said, lying beside Lexa. “I’m tired, Lex. I’m going to sleep now.”

“What?”

“We can finish this tomorrow, Lex. I’m just tired, the day was exhausting.”

“But I don’t want to let you unsatisfied.”

“I’m not, but can you hold me?”

“Of course!” Lexa scooted closer and opened her arms to Clarke, who accepted happily.

“You’re mine.” Clarke whispered.

“I’m yours.” Lexa kissed the top of Clarke’s head. “And you’re mine.”

They fell asleep in each other arms.

 

 

 

About an hour or so later, Raven and Octavia opened Clarke’s bedroom door and sneaked in, finding Clarke and Lexa holding each other, topless. When they realized what had happened, they exited Clarke’s room, shutting the door quietly.

“O!” Raven whispered. “They did the do!”

“I know, right?” Octavia smirked.

“I can’t wait to see their faces in the morning. Oh yes, they will hear it from me!”

“They’ll never have peace again…” Octavia shook her head.

“Surely not.” Raven smiled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, review! :D  
> See you next week!


	20. I call it magic, when I'm with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! Another Wednesday, another chapter.   
> I must say, angst is coming. You guys must be loving this but you also give me reviews when there is angst and I love reviews, hahaha.  
> I have to write more chapters so I won't delay any, the problem is: I'm not that inspired.   
> Anyways, enjoy.

First round of finals were coming and the four girls were all exhausted. They barely had time to talk to each other. Raven and Lexa studied together since both of them had similar classes. Clarke was in her room all the time, she barely left the room to eat.

Everyone was so stressed that they avoided to talk during their not-so free time. After those terrible finals, they decided it was time to have some fun. Raven suggested a party at their apartment with some people from college.

The girls ran to the grocery store to buy some booze and snacks. Raven demanded tequila and Octavia said they couldn’t forget the beers and vodka.

They invited about 15 people. Octavia invited Lincoln, the guy from previous parties. Anya also showed up, invited by Lexa.

Octavia was in a corner, talking to Lincoln. He seemed a very good guy, Octavia couldn’t even take that smiled off of her face. Raven was playing a drinking game, like always. Lexa was organizing some stuff in the kitchen while Clarke watched her from the living room. They exchange looks frequently and Clarke just smiled at her.

She kept her gaze on Lexa when a guy, probably one of Raven’s friends, placed his hand on Lexa’s waist. Clarke rolled her eyes and stood up from the couch. She headed to the kitchen, where she found the guy trying to convince Lexa to talk to him. Clarke approached her girlfriend, taking the guy’s hand off of Lexa’s waist and kissing her very gently, without looking at the guy’s face.

“She’s taken.” Clarke said and kissed Lexa again, without bothering to look at the guy.

The guy walked away and Lexa chuckled.

“Jealous.” She said.

“No one touch what is mine.”

Lexa smirked and kissed Clarke again.

“I’m not drunk enough, Lex.” Clarke pouted.

“Sometimes, I think you like alcohol more than you like me.”

“Well, that would be true.” Clarke shrugged.

Lexa let go of Clarke and started walking away, when Clarke held her by the wrist.

“And I was the jealous one.” Clarke said, laughing. “But what I said was true, I like alcohol more than I like you.” Lexa rolled her eyes. “Because I love you, you idiot.”

Lexa smiled. “You’re the idiot here. And such a sap.”

“I take what I said back.” Clarke hushed to say.

“Not possible.” Lexa cupped Clarke’s cheeks and placed a kiss on her forehead.

 

Meanwhile, Raven was searching for someone. She was looking around when she finally found the color of hair she wanted to find sat on the couch.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Raven greeted, sitting on the couch too. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

“Lexa insisted.” Anya said.

“Oh come on, I know it was because of me.”

“Shush!” Anya said and looked around. “Lexa doesn’t know.”

“Know what? That you’re bi? Or that you occasionally make out with me?”

“Raven, be quiet.” Anya warned.

“Come on, she wouldn’t care.” Raven frowned.

“I know, but she wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“Do you wanna go to my room?”

“What kind of woman you think I am, Reyes?”

“Well, I could kiss you right here and right now if you wanted me to.”

“Nope, let’s go to your room.”

Anya stood up and so did Raven. Lexa observed them from a hidden spot in the kitchen, hugging Clarke from behind.

“I’ve been suspicious about them for a few weeks… I didn’t invite Anya so I could see her, I wanted to make sure.” Lexa said.

“And you didn’t say anything to both of them?”

“No, I had to make sure so now, I can annoy Raven about this. And Anya.”

They laughed and watched people having fun.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke woke up with someone groaning beside her.

“Lexa, what is it?”

“Not Lexa.” Raven said.

“What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know. I just got here, I thought it was my room.”

“Nope.”

“Ok. I’m leaving. Bye.”

Raven turned around and exited the room, closing the door behind her. Clarke looked around and found Lexa sleeping beside her, her arm across Clarke’s stomach. Clarke sighed happily and kissed Lexa’s forehead.

“Love you, Lex.” She whispered.

“I love you too.” Lexa mumbled and fell asleep again.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Christmas came and they celebrated like every year. A party with their friends and Christmas with their family. Everyone exchanged gifts and talked about their lives.

Couple days after Christmas, Clarke was sitting on the couch in the living room when Jake asked.

“So, how are things with your girl?”

“Pretty great, actually.”

“That’s good to hear. I must say, I thought you would take much more time to get things together.”

“Me too… She kissed me first, I was surprised to be honest.”

“I didn’t know she kissed you first… I mean, I knew she asked you to be her girlfriend, but I didn’t know she kissed you first.”

“She did…” Clarke smiled. “I’m happy.”

“It means I’m happy too.” Jake smiled.

 

* * *

 

 

As usual, they would go to some party for the New Year’s Eve. Everyone was at the party already and mostly drunk.

“Lex?” Clarke said.

“Hm?” Lexa looked at Clarke.

“Do you remember last year, during the countdown?”

“Yes…”

“I almost kissed you but than that stupid guy bumped onto me.”

Lexa laughed. “Now I understand why you were so pissed. But guess what?”

“What?”

Lexa moved closer to Clarke and embraced her.

“You can kiss me right now, if it is what you wish.”

“Well, I wish much more than just a kiss but I can handle it for now.” Clarke winked.

Lexa laughed and kissed Clarke gently. She caressed Clarke’s face after breaking the kiss and sighed.

“Tell me again, how could I be so blind?”

“You had to have a flaw.”

“Such a sap.” Lexa grinned.

They headed to the dance floor to dance with her friends. At first, they were dancing in a small circle but then Lexa felt Clarke scooting to her side and taking her hand so they could dance together. It started innocent as it could be, until Clarke started grinding on Lexa. Lexa placed her hands on Clarke’s hips and Clarke cupped Lexa’s hands. Clarke started grinding even more and that was when Lexa got the clue.

“Clarke, are you…?” She didn’t want to say it out loud afraid someone would hear.

“Yes.” Clarke whispered.

“Do you want to go home?” Lexa turned Clarke to face her.

“I can’t wait until we get home.”

“Ok then.”

Lexa took one of Clarke’s hand and led them somewhere. Seconds later, they were inside the restroom.

“Thank god it’s empty.” Lexa said, locking the door and turning to Clarke.

She bent her knees a little so she could place her hands on the back of Clarke’s thighs and lift her up to sit on the restroom sink. Her lips found Clarke’s as soon as possible.

“Why are we here?” Lexa teased.

“I’m needy.”

“Needy? Needy of what?”

“Lexa… Stop.”

“Stop what? Are you alright?” Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s collarbone and sucking it gently.”

“I’m horny, Lexa. That’s all.”

Lexa chuckled. “So, tell me what you want me to do.” Lexa said, between kisses.

“You… You know what I want.”

“But I want you to tell me.”

“I want you… I want you to fuck me, for fuck’s sake.”

Lexa took off Clarke’s dress and unclasped her bra. She took one of Clarke’s nipple in her mouth and started massaging Clarke’s center.

“I can see how needy you are.” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear.

“Do something… Lexa.” Clarke breathed out.

“I like feeling how wet you are.”

“I swear to god, if you don’t do it right now, I’ll do it myself.”

Lexa didn’t want to tease her anymore so she moved the center of Clarke’s underwear to the side and put two fingers in. Clarke whimpered and leaned her head back on the mirror. Lexa took the opportunity to kiss all over Clarke’s neck while she thrusted in and out. She had her left hand on Clarke’s lower back, helping her girlfriend.

She lowered her mouth to Clarke’s chest and took one of her nipples once again. She knew how sensible they were and how much Clarke liked it.

“I think I’m gonna stop it here.” Lexa teased, slowing her thrusts and about to withdraw her hand when Clarke held her wrist.

“Don’t you fucking dare. I’m close, if you don’t finish me I won’t do you later tonight nor the next three months.”

“Sorry, Griffin.” Lexa said and started her thrusts once again, thrusting faster and harder.

When Clarke finally came, Lexa let her body lean on Clarke’s.

“Thank you, Lex.” Clarke panted. “I can live in peace now.”

“Good.” Lexa murmured, eyes closed and her head on the crook of Clarke’s neck.

Clarke stroked Lexa’s hair for a while.

“We should get back to the party. We’ll finish this later, at home.” Lexa smirked.

“You better be ready.” Clarke winked.

 

* * *

 

 

Few days after the New Year, they were at their apartment again, hanging in the living room.

“Lexa, we’re so domestic.” Clarke sighed.

“Why do you say that?”

“We live like a couple.”

“We are a couple.”

“A married one.”

“We have different rooms.”

“Yes, but we sleep together every night.”

Lexa sighed. “We are so domestic.”

Clarke laughed, snuggling into Lexa on the couch.

“I don’t care tho.”

“Me neither.” Lexa kissed Clarke’s temple.

“Get a room.” Raven approached them.

“Shut up.” Clarke said.

“You guys are being all gross on this couch.” Raven made a face.

“Well, tell me about that. You were being all gross with my sister in your bedroom.” Lexa simply said.

Raven’s eyes widened, her jaw dropped open and her face became red like a tomato.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know. I’m not stupid, Raven.”

“Did she tell you?”

“Of course not.”

“Are you going to tell her you found out about us?”

“I won’t. Unless you don’t stop annoying me and Clarke.”

“I’m sorry, Commander.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“WHY? You let Clarke do it.”

“Because she is my best friend. And girlfriend.”

“I won’t argue because if I do and you tell Anya you know about us, she’ll think I told you and she’ll get mad at me.”

“Good girl.”

Clarke just laughed while Raven headed to her room, mumbling something.

 

 

 

“Where are we sleeping today?” Clarke asked.

“Mine.”

“YAY!” Clarke cheered.

“Why are you happy about this?” Lexa asked, quirking a brow.

“Your bed smells so good.”

“My bed smells like me.” Lexa shrugged.

“That’s why I love it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are welcome. Some ideas so I can get inspired too.  
> May the fourth be with you!


	21. God knows, God knows I've fallen in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay. I've been busy this week. This chapter is a little shorter but it's cute. Also, I had to post this through my phone so forgive me if there is any mistake.

“Ok, pick the next song.” Lexa said, as she repositioned herself on the couch, holding her drumsticks.

“Hmm…” Clarke scrolled down the list. “Paint It Black.” Clarke said, pushing the button on her guitar.

The song started and both girls started playing along. Clarke also sang along while Lexa just played the drums. Minutes later the song was over.

“97%!” Lexa cheered, high fiving her girlfriend.

“I got 95% but it’s pretty good tho. Your turn, pick a song.”

“What about ‘R U Mine’?”

“I like that one.”

They started playing again, Clarke singing along one more time.

After a long time, Clarke turned the TV off.

“Can you help me with my paper?”

“Sure. Let me just put these away.” Lexa motioned to the drums and the guitar.

“Ok, I’ll wait for you in my room.”

Clarke headed to her room and opened her backpack, taking her notes and her laptop. She sat on bed and started reading her notes. Lexa stepped in a while later and closed the door.

“How can I be helpful?” She asked.

“Well, you could start reading it and telling me if it makes any sense.” Clarke shrugged.

Lexa sat on the bed beside Clarke and took the laptop to read her essay. She furrowed her brows while reading it and Clarke couldn’t find something more adorable than that.

“It’s not bad but it needs a little arrangement.”

“I knew it…” She sighed.

“It seems to have a lot of content tho. Do you want to add anything else?”

“Yes, actually. Just another paragraph.” Clarke showed Lexa.

“Let me see.” Lexa took the paper from Clarke’s hand and read what was written. “Ok, I’ll fit it in. Can I change a few words here?”

“Of course.”

Lexa started her job, giving all her attention to Clarke’s essay. Clarke found it enjoyable to watch Lexa working on her essay. She was biting her tongue while typing on the laptop. It was adorable and sexy at the same time. Clarke couldn’t avoid the desire to kiss Lexa. She placed a small kiss on Lexa’s shoulder, making Lexa grin slightly. Clarke also couldn’t help the desire to keep kissing Lexa. She kissed Lexa’s shoulder again and moved to Lexa’s neck. She heard a small sigh and couldn’t help smiling on Lexa’s skin. She sucked on Lexa’s skin and drew a moan from her girlfriend.

“Clarke, I’m not done with this and it’s late already.” Lexa shook her head.

“I don’t care about it anymore.” Another kiss.

“You need this essay to pass your class, Clarke.”

“It’s not due this week.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s jawline.

“I need to keep typing.” Lexa said.

Clarke took one of Lexa’s hand and led it underneath her shirt. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath and couldn’t contain the moan when Lexa’s hand touched her breast.

“Clarke…” Lexa’s jaw dropped. “Were you planning this?”

“Nope, but it turns me on to watch you so concentrated.”

Lexa’s fingers automatically started playing with Clarke’s nipple. Clarke put the laptop aside and sat on Lexa’s lap. She cupped Lexa’s face and started kissing her while Lexa’s hand played with Clarke’s breasts.

Knowing Lexa’s weak spot, Clarke kissed her neck roughly. She started grinding on Lexa’s lap, making the other girl whimper. Lexa lifted Clarke’s shirt she sucked her right nipple.

“Oh god, don’t stop…” Clarke breathed out.

Lexa gave another good suck and withdrew her mouth.

“Actually, I’m gonna stop. I didn’t finish your essay and I feel so tired.” Lexa teased, getting up from bed and smiling.

She took Clarke’s laptop, kissed her forehead and headed to her own room, leaving a frustrated Clarke.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Lexa, calm down!”

“No, Clarke! He touched you!” Lexa yelled.

“And I told him to back off!” Clarke yelled back.

Lexa was pacing in her room, while Clarke tried to calm her down.

“He grabbed your ass!” Lexa shook her head.

“Yes but I didn’t give him permission.”

“But you SMILED.” The alcohol in Lexa’s system was surely influencing her to talk like that.

“Because I thought it was you, Lexa!” Clarke tried to reassure her girlfriend.

Lexa huffed and leaned on her desk. “He couldn’t have touch you, you weren’t his to touch. He was disrespectful and I don’t like that, I should have pun-”

Before Lexa could say anything else, Clarke pinned her against the desk and kissed her roughly. Lexa sighed as soon as she realized what was happening. Clarke sucked on Lexa’s skin making sure it would be marked later. She had a hand on Lexa’s face and the other on her waist.

“You talk too much when there is no need.” Clarke said between kisses.

She lifted Lexa to sit on the desk. Clarke made sure to get Lexa’s clothes off as soon as possible. She sucked Lexa’s nipple and licked around it. Clarke bit her nipple gently and Lexa whimpered. Minutes later, Clarke was on her knees, kissing all over Lexa’s thighs. Lexa watched as Clarke kissed her and approached to Lexa’s center.

Clarke got closer and slid her tongue through Lexa’s folds. Lexa moaned louder and Clarke felt her arousal increasing. She ran her tongue around Lexa’s clit carefully and then the tip of her tongue on her clit. Lexa could barely hold her body in place. Clarke felt how wet Lexa was and without thinking twice, she put two fingers in, withdrawing another loud moan from Lexa. She started her thrusts and seconds later she put a third finger in. Lexa cried out and intertwined her fingers in Clarke’s hair.

“Don’t… Don’t stop.” Lexa said between moans.

“You like it rough, right?”

“Yeah… Harder!” Lexa demanded.

Clarke did. She thrusted harder and sucked on Lexa’s clit. She felt Lexa grinding on her fingers and her walls tightening and she chose that moment to curl her fingers inside Lexa, making the other girl cry out in pleasure.

“Fuck!” Lexa cried out.

Clarke smirked and helped Lexa ride out her orgasm.

“Oh god I can’t move.” Lexa panted.

“You won’t have to.”

Clarke stood up and grabbed Lexa’s thighs, carrying her to the bed. Clarke laid Lexa on bed and started to take her own clothes off.

“Clarke, I need a moment to feel my legs again so we can continue.” Lexa said;

“It won’t be needed.” Clarke climbed on bed, straddling Lexa’s thighs. “I’ll ride you.”

Lexa’s eyes widened and a devilish smile appeared on her face. She positioned her fingers and Clarke didn’t take a minute to start her ride. She moaned when she felt Lexa’s fingers fully inside her. She started riding Lexa’s fingers while playing with her own nipples. Lexa have never seen something so sexy in front of her like that: her girlfriend riding her fingers, with her eyes closed and playing with her nipples.

Clarke couldn’t think about anything, she just concentrated on the feeling. She felt Lexa’s hand reaching her right boob and let out another moan. Lexa played with Clarke’s nipple and Clarke felt the urge to increase her pace. She leaned in to kiss Lexa and Lexa took the opportunity to thrust on her own.

She increased her pace, using her thumb to massage Clarke’s clit. Clarke changed her position a little, putting her breast on Lexa’s mouth so Lexa could suck on her nipple. Lexa rolled her tongue on Clarke’s nipple and Clarke came a moment later. She let her body fall completely on top of Lexa, both girls recovering.

“I should get jealous more often.” Lexa said.

“It wouldn’t be so bad if we were alone in a room.” Clarke said, kissing Lexa’s neck.

“I like when you are dominant.”

“I know.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s lips. “I’m tired.” She said, closing her eyes.

“It happens when you wanna have all the fun to yourself.”

Clarke chuckled. “Shut up.”

Lexa enveloped Clarke in her arms and kissed the top of her head.

“You’re mine.”

“Thank god you finally realized it.” Clarke joked.

“Idiot.”

“Yes, but yours.”

Lexa sighed dramatically. 

 

* * *

 

The next morning, both girls woke up to find Raven and Octavia in the living room, smirking.

“Long night, huh?” Raven teased.

Clarke rolled her eyes and Lexa blushed.

“Did you fall from somewhere and hit your neck multiple times, Commander?” Octavia asked, pretending it was an innocent question.

“Shut up guys.” Clarke said.

“Lexa gets jealous and then she gets laid. What a wonderful life…” Octavia laughed.

Clarke rolled her eyes again, turning to face Lexa.

“Wait for me in my room. They won’t leave you alone.”

Lexa nodded and headed to Clarke’s room.

“You like to be rough, huh, Griffin?” Raven said.

“Oh sweet Jesus, like you don’t like to be the bottom.”

“ME? Never. I’m always the top.” Raven replied.

“Should I ask Anya or…?” Clarke started.

“Shut up, Clarke.”

Clarke headed to the kitchen and grabbed few snacks for them. When she returned to her room, Lexa was reading something, biting her lip.

“You know, the last time I saw you concentrated and biting your lip I had to struggle containing myself.”

“Oh yeah? And when was that?” Lexa looked up from her book.

“When I had that fight with Josh and you were cleaning my cut. I wanted to bite your lip so bad. And kiss you too, but I couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t… But you can now.” Lexa said, biting her lower lip again, teasingly.

Clarke sighed and approached Lexa. She cupped both sides of Lexa’s face and pressed her lips to Lexa’s. She gently captured Lexa’s lower lip between hers and gave it a little bite, making Lexa sigh deeply.

“I love your lips.” Clarke said.

“I love you.”

“Stop being a sap, I’m shy.”

“Yes, you are shy. Unless you have alcohol in your system.” Lexa teased.

“Shut up!”

“Am I lying?”

“Yes.”

“Do I have to remember you that time we were in-”

“ENOUGH!” Clarke laughed. “We’ll have to cover up those hickeys.”

“You made them, you cover them.”

“Do you regret them?”

“Oh, no. Not at all.”

“Good.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? See you!


	22. I want you close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys.  
> You might think that the story is a little bit "slow" but this is part of the development, so don't worry. I'm not giving up hahaha.  
> GUYS I DIDNT HAVE TIME TO TAKE A LOOK AND CORRECT ANY MISTAKE, so I apologize if there's something wrong.

Lexa was sitting in the living room waiting for Clarke. They were going to the grocery store to buy some food and also, by Raven’s request, alcohol.  
“Hurry up, Clarke.” Lexa said.  
“Calm down! I’m coming.”  
“I don’t think you are.” Lexa said with a smirk as Clarke entered the living room.  
“Perv.”  
“I’m not. Are you ready?”  
“Yes.”  
They headed to the garage and drove to the store. They entered Wal-Mart and checked their list.  
“Ok, where do we start?” Clarke asked.  
“There is a lot of junk food here. We need chips, taco shells, juice, soda, cheese… A lot of things.”  
They started with the food they needed. Lexa got 3 boxes of frosted flakes, happily.  
“Three boxes? Are you out of your mind?” Clarke asked.  
“I love it, I eat it a lot.”  
“Oh God, Lexa.” Clarke said, shaking her head.  
Lexa just shrugged. Minutes later, they were buying booze.  
“What does Raven want?” Clarke asked.  
“A bottle of vodka, one of tequila and German beer.”  
“Ok, do you want something?”  
“Nope.”  
“Ok then, I guess we’re done.”  
They checked out and headed to the car.  
“Are we going somewhere else or heading home?” Lexa asked.  
Clarke looked at her and observed how lovely Lexa’s lips looked. She placed her hand on the back of Lexa’s neck and brought her closer, kissing her. Lexa sighed and kissed Clarke back. Things started to heat a little and Clarke took one of Lexa’s hand and placed on top of her boob.  
“Clarke, we are in a car in the middle of a parking lot.” Lexa said between kissed.  
“I don’t care.”  
Clarke kept her attention to Lexa’s lips and hand. She moved Lexa’s hand to the hem of her skirt and moaned a little when she felt Lexa’s lips touching her. Lexa decided to take control and when she was about to get her hand in Clarke’s undies, a kid knocked on the window, asking if they were ok. Lexa sat straight on her seat and buckled her seatbelt.  
“Yes, we are fine, thanks.” Clarke answered the boy and then she turned to Lexa. “Start the fucking car, Lexa.”  
They drove back to the apartment. They stepped in, finding Raven and Octavia playing something.  
“You guys look weird. What happened?” Raven quirked a brow.  
“We were making out in the car and a boy knocked on the window asking if we were ok.” Clarke replied and Lexa just blushed. Raven and Octavia burst into laughter.

 

\-------

 

Later that day, both girls decided to nap and after their nap, they needed to find something to do.  
“Finals are coming. We should study.” Lexa suggested.  
“Well, I need a body to study anatomy.” Clarke smirked. “Can you take off your clothes?”  
Lexa laughed and shook her head. “You don’t need an excuse to make take off my clothes, but not now, Clarke. We need to pass those tests. Besides, you aren’t even studying anatomy.”  
Clarke groaned. “You’re right. Next week it will be crazy and we need to be prepared.”  
“Yes, so I’m going to my room. We can study together later.”  
Clarke nodded and Lexa kissed the top of her head, leaving the room.

Hours later, Lexa helped Clarke with few things and then she studied with Raven. They studied the whole week during their free time and when Sunday finally came, they decided to take the day to rest and get ready for the next week.  
“Any plans for today?” Octavia asked.  
“Nope, I’m gonna stay in bed all day.” Lexa said.  
“All by yourself?” Clarke quirked a brow.  
“Yes, I don’t have anyone to share my bed with.” Lexa shrugged.  
Clarke faked being hurt and said.  
“Fine then, I’ll stay in my room too.” She leaned next to Lexa’s ear and whispered. “Taking care of myself.” Her voice was husky, making Lexa shiver.  
“Maybe you could share your bed with me.” Lexa smiled.  
“I don’t like sharing, Lexa.”  
“Please stop, we’re still here, hearing you two.” Raven said.  
“I suggest you to call my lovely sister. And O could call Lincoln so you wouldn’t be jealous of us.” Lexa said.  
“Get out of here.” Raven said, giving them her middle finger.  
Clarke and Lexa laughed, heading to Clarke’s room. They entered the room and closed the door.  
“I’m not really in the mood to touch myself, some other day maybe.” Clarke said, lying on bed.  
“We should rest today and not waste our energy.” Lexa pointed out.  
“Who’s gonna be the little spoon?”  
“You.” Lexa said.  
“Not me. You.”  
“Why did you even ask?”  
“I had to pretend I would let you choose.”  
“But I wanna cuddle you today.” Lexa pouted.  
“Fine.” Clarke huffed. “We’re so domestic.”  
“You love it.”  
“Shut up.”  
Lexa laughed and kissed the back of Clarke’s neck. They stayed in silence, Clarke could still feel Lexa’s breathing on her neck. Lexa could smell Clarke’s shampoo and it calmed her.  
“I wanna take you on a date after finals.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, why are you so surprised?”  
“I’ve just been stressed out, I wasn’t used to nice things anymore.” Clarke told.  
“Well, isn’t my kisses a nice thing?” Lexa pouted.  
“Of course it is, but sometimes you just forget how much I need them.” Clarke sighed.  
“God, you’re so extra.” Lexa laughed and turned Clarke around so she could kiss her.

 

\----------

 

“Ok, guys. It starts today.” Raven said in the living room, where Lexa, Clarke and Octavia were seated. “It’ll be a hard week, finals will crush us, BUT then, summer will be here and we’ll party the whole time.”  
“Raven, are you ok?” Octavia asked.  
“Yeah, you’re making such a big deal of it.”  
“I’m fine! I’m just tired and I need to get this shit over with. I need a good drink and I need to relax.”  
“So do we.” Lexa said.  
“Ok, is everyone ready to go?” Clarke asked.  
“Yes.” Everyone said.  
They left the apartment and headed to college.  
Finals were a lot more stressing than usual. Clarke was really worried about one of her tests but Lexa talked to her, calming her.  
Friday night, after their last exam, everyone could finally breathe.  
“Do you wanna play something?” Lexa asked Clarke.  
“Are you gonna let me win?” Clarke quirked a brow.  
“Aren’t you good enough to win by yourself?”  
“Yes, I am, but I’m tired.”  
“We’ll see about that.” Lexa smiled.  
Clarke sat beside Lexa and kissed her temple, before taking the controller. They started the game, sharing a few glances and Clarke complaining.  
“So, date night. What do you wanna do?” Lexa asked.  
“I don’t know, Lex. It’s up to you.”  
“I know a guy who is going to perform with his band at a bar, so I was thinking, maybe we could go, they play some nice music.” Lexa said, scratching the back of her head.  
“It sounds nice.” Clarke smiled.  
“Ok, lady. I’ll pick you up at your bedroom door at 7pm.”  
Clarke laughed and they kept playing.  
Later that day, Lexa was just waiting the right time to pick Clarke up at her bedroom door. She knocked three times and Clarke answered.  
“Oh my God, Lexa. You’re so extra.”  
“Well, I can’t help if we live together and I’m trying to be romantic.” She shrugged.  
Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa briefly. She pulled away and said to Lexa, whose eyes were still closed.  
“Let’s go.”  
They headed out and Lexa drove them. It was a 20 minutes ride and so they shared a comfortable silence. Lexa parked the car and they headed inside the bar. It was a nice place with nice people. Many people from college were there already but none of them were actually friends with the girls.  
Lexa found a table close to the stage but not that close either. They got beers and waited for the band. They played rock indie and they were pretty good.  
“I like the place.” Clarke said.  
“I thought you would.” Lexa smiled.  
They stayed quiet for another minute, enjoying the music and the place.  
“You know I love you, right?” Clarke asked.  
“No, I didn’t. Is that true?” Lexa joked.  
“Asshole.”  
“Liar, you just said you loved me.”  
“And you mocked me.” Clarke punched Lexa’s shoulder. “I want the end of this relationship.”  
“Ok, fine. But the PS4 is mine.”  
“What? No!”  
“You just said you wanna break up with me.”  
“I was joking.” Clarke said, taking Lexa’s hand and squeezing it a little.  
“Joking, right? What about my feelings?” Lexa lifted a brow.  
“You always forgive me.” Clarke winked.  
“Maybe someday I won’t.” Lexa winked back, making Clarke pout.  
“Can I make it up to you with something?”  
“Actually, yes. Do my laundry for a month.”  
“WHAT?” Clarke’s eyes widened.  
“You asked me and you know I hate doing my laundry.”  
“Will you cook?”  
“I always do.”  
“Damn it. Will you help me with college.”  
“Already do. It’s just for a month, you can do it.”  
“Ok, fine.” Clarke finally gave up. “Just because you’re a nice friend slash girlfriend and you help me every time.”  
They enjoyed their time together the best way they could. Lexa couldn’t help but stare at Clarke many times. She was just so… beautiful. But Lexa wasn’t the only one staring, Clarke was doing the same. They just shared glances in silence.  
After they left the place and entered the car, Lexa asked Clarke.  
“Are you in the mood for something else?”

“What do you suggest?” Clarke asked, lifting a brow.  
“What about a walk around?” Lexa shrugged.  
“Let’s go.”  
They got out of the car and started the last part of their date.

 

 

Back in the apartment, Octavia and Raven were waiting for their friends in the living room, playing video game. When Lexa and Clarke arrived, Raven shot them a question right away.  
“Are you guys having loud sex tonight?”  
“What the fuck?” Clarke asked, giving Raven a glare.  
“It’s just caution, Clarke. We need to know if we’ll need hearing protection.” Octavia said.  
“I hate you guys. But the answer is no. We won’t.” Clarke rolled her eyes.  
Lexa waved them goodnight and dragged Clarke with her but before they could enter the room, Raven shouted.  
“LET US KNOW IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.”  
“FUCK OFF.” Clarke shouted back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just reminding you that I love suggestions, so let me know.  
> Twitter: @lexasbitch  
> Tumblr: indoprahogwarts


	23. My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no, you need to let it go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry for the delay. I've been really busy and June will be my last month of class this semester, so I'll post as often as I can. Finals are coming and I'm about to fail 2 subjects, that's why I'm busy.  
> ALSO I didn't have time to check for any mistakes. Again.  
> Anyways, sorry and enjoy.

“Lex, are you ready?” Clarke asked, standing, while Lexa played the video game.

“I’m almost done with this mission.” Lexa answered, poking her tongue out of her mouth once again.

“Lexa, you’ll have the whole summer to play this.” Clarke pointed to the screen. “Come on, we gotta go.”

“Five more minutes and I’m done.”

Clarke sighed and left the room. They were going to their hometown to visit their parents. Clarke was eager to get home and see her parents. Also, sleep on her childhood bed.

“Are you this desperate to get rid of me?” Lexa shouted from the living room.

Clarke huffed and headed to where Lexa was, sitting on the couch by her side.

“I’m not desperate to get rid of you, I just want to see my parents and then lay on bed all, preferable with you.”

“You’re just tired of me.” Lexa pouted, leaving the controller on the coffee table.

Clarke embraced Lexa and kissed her cheek.

“Don’t be so extra.”

“I’ll pretend you just want to see your parents. Let’s go.”

They headed out of the apartment and Lexa took the car.

“Why don’t you let me drive?” Clarke asked.

“It’s my car.” Lexa said.

“But I like to drive too.” Can’t you share?”

“Nope. When we’re in your car, you drive.” Lexa grinned.

“Is it how things will work now?” Clarke looked at Lexa, crossing her arms on her chest. “Alright then.”

“Don’t get any ideas, Griffin.”

Clarke stayed quiet the entire trip. When Lexa parked outside Clarke’s house, Clarke just waved and said she would call Lexa later. Lexa arrived at home and found Anya napping on the couch.

“Wake up, Anya.” She shook her sister.

“Fuck off.” Anya mumbled.

“I know you’ve missed me.” Lexa said and Anya finally opened her eyes to look at Lexa.

“Did you get to use the tips I gave you?” Anya sat on the couch.

Lexa was a bit confused about the question.

“What tips?” She quirked a brow.

“You’re so slow, Lexa. Did you and Clarke have sex already?”

Lexa blushed instantly, her eyes widened and she swallowed, before answering the question.

“Really, Anya?”

“Yes, I must know. If I helped you, you have to tell me.”

Lexa sighed and shook her head. “Yes, we did it.”

“Did my tips worked well enough?” Anya smirked.

“Goodbye, Anya.” Lexa was about to stand up but Anya held her.

“Answer me.”

“Yes, they worked pretty well.” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“NICE! And who is bottom?”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t be shy, Lexa. Who is the bottom?”

“I’m not giving you any details.”

“You know you are. Tell me, who is it?”

Lexa glared at Anya.

“There isn’t a bottom or a top. We just do it.”

“So, you mean you’re versatile?”

“Yeah, kinda. Can you drop it now?”

“The sex part, yes. Where is blondie? I miss her.”

“She’s at home. I guess she’s pissed at me.”

“I’m not even surprised.” Anya sighed.

“It’s not a big deal. She is on her period, two more days and she’ll be fine.”

“Maybe she wants to cuddle, eat some cupcakes and a belly massage.”

“I’ll talk to her later.” Lexa said, walking towards her room.

 

* * *

 

 

“Dinner is ready.” Jake said at Clarke’s bedroom door.

“Ugh, I’ll eat later. I’m busy dying from cramps right now.”

“Did you take any pill to help it?”

“Yes.”

“Where is Lexa?”

“At home. She pissed me off today.”

“What did she do?”

“Didn’t let me drive.”

“Oh, you’re an annoying person when you’re on your period.”

“Dad!”

“Sorry, sweetheart. I love you anyways.”

Jake left the room and closed the door. Clarke tried to ease the pain and when she felt a little better, she started to drift to sleep. She was almost full asleep when Lexa entered the room, closing the door and cuddling Clarke.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke softly asked.

“I missed my blondie.”

“You’re not allowed to call me that, only Anya.”

“Ok, sorry. I missed my tomato.”

“Tomato?”

“Yes, tomato is red just like your p--”

“Don’t you fucking dare, Lexa!”

“Sorry. I’ve just missed you. Are you still upset because I didn’t let you drive?”

“No.” Clarke said, turning around on Lexa’s arms and burying her face on Lexa’s chest. “I still love you.”

“I love you too. Are we going to nap now?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We’ll eat later.”

Clarke nodded on Lexa’s chest and sighed peacefully.

 

* * *

 

 

They were at Best Buy. Lexa was looking for a new game while Clarke was looking for new headphones. Most of the games the store had, Lexa already had. She was distracted with her thoughts when she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

“Lexa?” Someone said and Lexa lifted her head.

“Hi, Josh.” She said, not so excited.

“So good to see you! We should catch up some time.”

“Sorry, Josh, it’s not gonna happen.”

“Come on, Lexa! It’s been a while. I’m more mature, give me a chance.”

“I’m not interested, especially because I’m dating someone.”

“What? Who?”

“Me, you asshole.” Clarke approached them, envolving her arm around Lexa.

“Oh my God, Lexa. Really?”

“Yes, Josh. Also, this is none of your business.”

“You’re a freaking lesbian now?”

“Listen to me and listen good. I want you far away from me. I have NOTHING to do with you. Who I’m with, it only concerns to me. If you even get near me again, you’ll regret it, so back the fuck off.” Lexa said, taking Clarke’s hand and walking away.

They checked out and left the store, heading to the car.

“Hey, Lex, you ok?” Clarke took one of Lexa’s hand and squeezed.

“Yeah, just… I’m just done with him. I hope he stays away from us.”

“Don’t worry, he will.” Clarke pecked Lexa’s lips. “Coffee?”

“Yes, sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

“What time are they coming?” Lexa asked.

“Well…” Clarke smirked. “I don’t know about them, but you surely are later tonight.” Her smiled widened even more.

Lexa wetted her lips and cleared her throat.

“We should probably cancel this party and get going with the part where I come.”

“You wish. They should be arriving soon.”

They were in Clarke’s room, waiting for their friends so they could drink and have fun.

“Kiss me.” Lexa demanded.

“Why?”

“I want you to kiss me.”

“Why are you so soft?”

“Please, just do it.”

“Not sure if it’s worth it.” Clarke teased.

Lexa moved closer to Clarke and captured Clarke’s lips gently.

“There. Now we can go wait for them.” Lexa said.

Couple hours later, they were all drunk enough to start with the body shots. As always, Raven suggested the idea.

“Ok, I’ll start it.” Raven announced, as Anya approached.

“Yes, you will.” Anya said and pushed Raven to lay on the table. “But you’ll start down there.”

Everyone cheered and Raven just blushed. Anya climbed on top of Raven, putting the lemon on her mouth. She lowered her mouth to Raven’s stomach, liking the salt very slowly, while Raven tried to concentrate on something else but Anya’s tongue felt so warm on her body. Anya took the shot and flew up to Raven’s mouth, brushing her lips on Raven’s as she took the lemon. She pulled away and everyone cheered. Raven got up and took a deep breath, trying to recompose herself.

“You ok there?” Anya asked, loud enough so only Raven would be able to hear.

“Next time, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself.” Raven said. “Your sister is here, in case you forgot.”

“I didn’t, but I had to do it.” Anya shrugged.

“How about we go to the backyard so I can kiss you properly?”

“You just got a deal.”

Raven and Anya left the kitchen while Clarke and Lexa were seated on the couch. Lexa had noticed that one of Octavia’s friends was staring at Clarke for at least 15 minutes. He was probably deciding whether he was going to talk to Clarke or not. He was at least a little bit tipsy and his eyes were devouring Clarke. Lexa didn’t like it at all but as long as he was far away from Clarke, she could take it. Clarke was distracted, looking around and sipping her drink. The guy staring at her probably didn’t know she had a girlfriend and so he pushed himself from the wall and started walking towards Clarke. Lexa tapped Clarke’s shoulder, making the girl look at her. She then attached her lips to Clarke’s, passionately. She cupped Clarke’s cheek with her right hand and placed her left hand on Clarke’s thigh. She kissed her deeply, leaving Clarke breathless. When they finally pulled apart, the guy was standing in front of them, with his jaw dropped.

“Is there a problem?” Lexa lifted her eyebrow.

“Why did you kiss her?” The guy asked.

“Because she is my girlfriend and I love her.” Lexa answered, politely.

“But she doesn’t look gay.”

“She doesn’t need labels. She doesn’t need to look gay, bi, straight or anything else. Anyway, she’s not interested.” Lexa shrugged.

“Ok.” The guy sighed and left.

Lexa turned to Clarke, who had widened eyes.

“What was that?”

“He was going to hit on you, I had to say something.”

“I’m talking about that kiss.”

“I also had to do something.” Lexa shrugged.

Clarke got up from the couch and shouted.

“Alright, guys. You need to leave. Party is over. I have things to do.”

Octavia approached Clarke, frowning.

“Why are you ending the party?” She asked.

“I need to get my brain fucked out.”

“Does it have to be now?”

“Didn’t you see how Lexa just kissed me? I can no longer wait.”

“You suck, but it’s ok. I’ll show people their way out.”

“Thanks, O.”

Lexa approached Clarke again.

“Did you just ended the party because you got turned on by that kiss?”

“Yes, I did.”

Lexa smiled widely.

“I’ll wait for you in your room.”

“You better be ready.” Clarke winked.

 

* * *

 

 

The following morning, Clarke woke up naked in Lexa’s arms. Clarke couldn’t see Lexa’s face but the other girl was probably awake already.

“Why am I naked?” Clarke asked.

“Because you got turned on by a kiss.”

“Mhmmm… That was so good. Worth it waking up naked.”

“Thank God your parents don’t come in without knocking.”

“Imagine how embarrassed we would all get by that.”

“We better get dressed just in case they change their minds and decide to come in without knocking.”

They both got dressed and got ready before going downstairs. Jake made them breakfast and as soon as they sat down, Jake noticed something.

“Hey, honey?” He called Abby.

“Yes?”

“Clarke might have hit Lexa during the night. She has a bruise on her neck, come take a look.”

He smirked, making Lexa blush so hard while Clarke chocked. Abby came to the kitchen, smiling.

“I didn’t know how aggressive Clarke was in her sleep.”

“MOM!”

“Look at her honey, three bruises on her neck. You’ll have a hard time covering that up.”

“Geez, I hate you both.”

Lexa was still frozen in place. They finished their meal as soon as possible and headed to Clarke’s room once again.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the hickeys?”

“Sorry, I didn’t notice.”

“God, they ALWAYS make fun of us.”

“Yeah, and they don’t even know about the 5 hickeys you left on my boobs.”

“Really? Let me check.” Lexa moved forward and started to lift Clarke’s shirt.

“Stop it, you perv.” She laughed.

“I just wanna touch your lovely breasts.”

“You did it last night.”

”I can’t remember… Let me just t--”

“GUYS STOP.” Raven said, at Clarke’s door.

“Can’t you announce your presence?”

“Holy shit, Lexa! Jake was right, Clarke is worse than a vampire.”

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU, DAD!” Clarke shouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	24. I know it hurts sometimes but you'll get over it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again. Sorry it's been a while but I kinda have good news. Next week is my last week of college and then I'll be free until August.

“I’m so done with all this.” Clarke snapped

Lexa was sitting on Clarke’s bed while the blonde was trying to type her essay.

“I’m done with college, I’m done with essays and labs. I wanna quit.”

“Calm down. What’s the problem?”

“I can’t get it done, I don’t even understand it so well.”

“How can I help you?”

“Sorry, but you can’t. I’ll drop all of this shit.”

“You’re stressed, you need to calm down.”

“Lexa, shut up! I AM calm.”

“Sit here.” Lexa said, patting the spot beside her.

“Why? I can’t rest.”

“Please, just sit here.” Lexa demanded once again.

“No, Lexa. I’m busy, I can’t.”

“We’ll just talk. Please, come here.”

Clarke sighed and moved towards the bed. Lexa looked at her and started.

“Listen, you’re tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Everything at the same time. You need to take a break ant try to relax a bit.”

“Lex, I know you’re trying to help but there’s nothing that could actually help--”

Lexa had her hand on Clarke’s thigh and started moving it up to Clarke’s center while Clarke tried to convince her she couldn’t help.

“What are you doing?” Clarke eyed her.

“Helping you.” Lexa whispered and kissed Clarke’s neck.

Her hand finally reached Clarke’s center. Lexa moved Clarke’s underwear to the side and massaged her. She ran her fingers through Clarke’s folds already wet. She felt how Clarke’s body was loosening up already and couldn’t feel more proud of herself.

“Lexa… I don’t have time… For this.” Clarke said.

“Are you sure you want me to stop? Aren’t you feeling better?”

“Oh! Right there!” Clarke moaned.

“That’s what I thought.” Lexa chuckled.

Lexa penetrated her finger and started thrusting, soon enough adding another finger. Clarke could barely hold her body up, still seated beside Lexa. Not long after, Lexa added a third finger, making her girlfriend come.

Clarke let her body lean on the headboard, panting.

“My legs feel like jelly.”

“Good. We should take a nap so we can get your essay done.”

“You’re too good to me.” Clarke said, snuggling next to Lexa.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lexa was seated on the chair, reading a book. Clarke entered Lexa’s room and noticed Lexa’s face expression.

“What’s wrong, Lex?”

“I have a huge test tomorrow and I can’t fail it.”

“You won’t. I thing you’re the most intelligent person I know.” Clarke said, making Lexa chuckle.

“Don’t tell Raven what you just said.”

“I would never. I still wanna live.”

Lexa’s smile disappeared and she sighed, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand.

“My neck is killing me.” She closed her eyes.

Clarke walked towards Lexa and placed her hands on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Relax, I’ll give you a neck massage.”

“You can extend the massage to my shoulder blades too, if you don’t mind.”

“I’ll do the whole job, don’t worry.”

Clarke started her job using the tips of her fingers and slowly she felt Lexa relaxing under her fingers.

“I think I’ll fall asleep if you keep doing it.”

“Maybe you should rest.” Clarke shrugged.

“I can’t, Clarke.”

“Yes, you can.” Clarke said, closing Lexa’s book. “You won’t fail the test. Go to bed, now. You’re being just as stubborn as I was the other day.”

“Ok, mom. Fine.” Lexa teased but went to bed.

 

* * *

 

 

 

After the exams, they took a break like usual but only for the weekend. Clarke and Lexa still had to decide their Halloween costumes. They were at the store picking the right costume.

“Hey, Lex.” Clarke approached Lexa. “I think I decided what to wear.”

“And who will you be tonight?” Lexa smiled.

“Luna Lovegood.” Clarke smiled, showing the Ravenclaw uniform and Luna’s glasses.

“Will you give me Amortentia?” Lexa winked.

“Do I need to?” Clarke smiled once again, hugging Lexa.

“Not at all.” Lexa smiled back.

“What about you? Have you decided yet?” Clarke asked.

“I’m not so sure… I think I’ll be Wanda Maximoff tonight. The version from The Avengers, of course. Not the HQ version.”

“Will you hypnotize me?” Clarke asked.

“Don’t I already?”

“Idiot. But yes, you do. You’ll be really hot tho. I might want to take your clothes off.”

Lexa laughed. “Please, do.”

“If we are done, we should get going. We’ll have a pre-party later.”

“I guess we’ll be wasted tonight.”

“That’s the plan.” Clarke winked.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Lexa, try this.” Clarke offered Lexa a cup.

“What’s this?” She looked at the cup and then at Clarke.

“It’s called Malibu. Pretty good.” She handed the cup to Lexa.

Lexa sipped the drink and nodded.

“It’s really good indeed.”

“You can have mine, I’ll go get another one.”

Clarke walked away and Raven approached Lexa.

“How is everything?”

“What do you mean by everything?”

“Your life. College. Clarke.”

“I can’t complain. Everything is good.” Lexa paused. “Especially with Clarke.” She smiled.

“Good to hear that.” Raven nodded.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” She smiled.

“Thanks, Rae. I won’t ask about Anya, tho. That’s just gross.” Lexa teased.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, they were at the Halloween party. As expected, the place was crowded. There was a girl dressed as Imperator Furiosa from Mad Max. Another girl was dressed as Tauriel from The Lord of the Rings. There was also a guy dressed as Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. Raven was dressed as Lara Croft and Octavia was dressed like a zombie.

“We need to find the boys.” Octavia said.

“There, Monty is right there. I’m up for some moonshine.”

“That shit is strong. I want it.” Clarke said, smiling.

“Oh God, here we go…” Lexa rolled her eyes.

Monty had the moonshine indeed and everyone drank it, even Lexa. Clarke got a sharpie she found on the bad and wrote her name on her cup and Lexa’s name on her cup. She also added a few hearts around Lexa’s name and a message.

They were pretty much wasted but up to their feet on the dancefloor. Lexa and Clarke were dancing next to each other while the others were somewhere else. Lexa leaned next to Clarke’s ear and asked.

“I’m going to get a refill. You want another too?”

She tried to focus her eyes on Clarke but the alcohol had hit her good, so she was having trouble doing it.

“Yeah, het me whatever you want.”

Lexa nodded and stumbled away.  Meanwhile, Clarke was dancing on the dancefloor when a guy dressed as the red Power Ranger approached her. He held his helmet with his left hand while he tapped Clarke’s shoulder with her right hand.

“Yes?” Clarke turned to the guy.

“So… I was thinking… We should make out. I’m Tom, by the way.”

“Sorry, Tom. But I’m really not up to it.” Clarke said, turning to the opposite side.

Before she could start dancing again, Tom turned her body to him again and kissed her, gently. Clarke placed a hand on his chest to push him away but before she could do it, Lexa had already seen their interaction.

Lexa felt her eyes filling with tears. She was consumed with anger and what she had just seen was bad enough. She turned around, leaving the two cups on a table nearby. She got in a taxi and headed to her apartment.

Lexa stumbled to the elevator and soon enough she was inside her apartment. She headed to her room taking her suitcase and throwing it on her bed. Before anything, Lexa sat on the bed and cried. It was sloppy, especially because she was so drunk. She was so sad about what she had seen. In her mind, she had never imagined something like that. Lexa sighed and started packing all her clothes. She also packed her stuff from college. Before she could leave, she undressed from her costume and took a shower, trying to sober up. She dressed something else and soon enough, she was out of the apartment.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke got free from Tom’s embrace and glared at him.

“Didn’t you hear me? I didn’t want to do it, I have a girlfriend. You kissed me without my consent. Do you have any idea the fuck you just did???” She shouted.

“Man, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have done it.”

Clarke shook her head and turned around to find Raven coming to her, looking a little shocked.

“Was that Lexa who just left the party?”

“WHAT?” Clarke’s eyes widened and she started looking around.

“She seemed upset. What happened?” Raven asked.

“Fuck! Someone kissed me and she must have seen. I should go after her.”

“Yeah, sure but you can’t go by yourself. Wait for me outside, I’ll just find O and we can go.”

Clarke nodded and headed outside. As she walked out, she found her cup and Lexa’s on a table. Lexa’s cup said “I’m Lexa. If passed out, search for Clarke J”

Clarke sighed and rushed outside. There wasn’t any sign of Lexa outside. Clarke felt even more nervous, she wanted to go home right away but she had to wait for her friends. About 5 minutes later, Raven and Octavia showed up and they got in a cab and couple minutes later, they entered the apartment.

“Lexa?” Clarke called.

She checked the kitchen and living room. Empty. She rushed to Lexa’s room and her heart sunk in her chest as soon as she entered the room. Most of Lexa’s clothes were gone and of course, so was Lexa.

Clarke exited the room with tears in her eyes. She approached her friends.

“Lexa is gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses what will happen now?   
> Let me know what you think.   
> Have a nice week.


	25. 'Cause I'm kicking up stones without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys.   
> This chapter is not long but still, an update 'cause you guys deserve it.  
> Have fun.

“Ok, Clarke. Tell us what happened.” Octavia sat on the couch next to Clarke. Clarke sighed and started.

“We were dancing and she said she would go get a refill. She asked if I wanted one and I said yes. I was dancing by myself and a guy named Tom came to me, saying he wanted to kiss me but I turned him down. Before I could see, he was kissing me and I pushed him away. That was probably when Lexa saw us. She misunderstood me.” Clarke wiped away the tear that had fallen.

“Look, you’ll probably solve it soon. Give her a day or two and she will understand.” Octavia said.

“The best thing you can do now is take a shower and try to sleep.” Raven said, trying to convince Clarke.

Clarke sighed and stood up, nodding. She headed to her room and got undressed. She stepped in and turned the shower on.

Along with the water, she let her tears fall. She couldn’t believe Lexa had left the apartment. Clarke would never cheat on Lexa, but assuming how drunk Lexa was, she probably thought Clarke would.

Clarke just wanted to have Lexa in her arms, safe. She wanted to explain what really happened.

But Lexa was gone.

Clarke got in bed, feeling her chest really heavy and a lump in her throat. She tried to sleep but she couldn’t get comfortable in her own bed. She rolled side to side but remained awake. She gave up trying to sleep but then she had an idea. She got up from her bed and headed to Lexa’s room. Since Lexa left the sheets, Clarke wouldn’t need anything. She got in bed, smelling Lexa’s scent. Soon enough, she was deep asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Next day, Clarke tried to talk to Lexa but her phone was probably off. She called her mom then.

“ _Hey, Clarke_!” Abby said.

“Hi, mom.”

“ _What’s wrong, honey_? You sound upset.”

“Lexa is gone, mom. She left me.”

“ _What? Why_?”

Clarke huffed and started to explain what happened. When she was done, Abby cleared her throat.

“ _Give her time, she’ll come around and talk to you_.”

“I hope so, I really do.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke tried to occupy her mind during the rest of the day. She got her phone and typed.

**Clarke** : Hey, Anya. Has Lexa talked to you?

**Anya** : Hello, blondie

**Anya** : Nope, she didn’t. Why?

**Clarke** : She left. She saw something and got it wrong.

**Clarke** : I think she broke up with me.

**Anya** : Shit

**Anya** : Where is she?

**Clarke** : I don’t know. She just… Left

**Anya** : Ok. I’ll try to talk to her

 

* * *

 

 

Next day at college, Clarke tried to find Lexa everywhere but she was simply gone. After class, she headed home and walked to Raven’s room.

“Hey, have you seen Lexa today?”

“Sorry, no. I tried to find her but I think she skipped class.”

“Damn it! Thanks.”

She tried to call Lexa one more time but couldn’t reach her.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa stared at the ceiling of her hotel room. After she left the apartment, she checked in at a hotel to think about what she was going to do. She got her phone and called a number the man at the lobby gave her.

“ _Hello_?” A female voice answered.

“Hi. This is Lexa. I heard you wanted someone to share the apartment?”

“ _Oh, yes. I need a roommate. Are you interested_?”

“Yeah. Can I take a look where you live?”

“ _Sure, it’s really near campus. I’ll text you the address_.”

“Ok, thanks.”

Lexa finished the call and headed to the place with her belongings. She had already checked out because she would probably stay with the girl. She arrived at the place and the girl answered the door.

“Hi, Lexa. I’m Echo, come in.”

The apartment was smaller than Lexa’s but she would have her own room. They would share the chores during the week.

“I’ll take it. Can I bring my stuff up?”

“Yeah, sure.” Echo shrugged.

Lexa came back to her car and started gathering her stuff.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Clarke sighed for the 10.000.00th time and rolled to the other side of the bed. She grabbed her phone and decided to text Lexa.

**Clarke** : please, give me a chance to tell you what happened

**Clarke** : it’s been days of silence

Clarke placed her phone on her nightstand because she knew that Lexa would probably ignore her. However, about 20 minutes later, Clarke felt her phone buzzing.

**Lexa** : I don’t wanna talk. I know what I saw, Clarke. I’m hurt and I demand space.

As soon as Clarke read the text, her eyes filled with tears and she started sobbing. Lexa had never been so cold with her. Lexa must have seen what happened 10 times worse than it actually was, and it was stuck in her head.

Raven blew the door open and rushed to sit beside Clarke. She opened arms to Clarke, embracing the blonde.

“What happened?” Raven asked in a whisper.

Clarke took her phone and showed it to Raven. Raven sighed and caressed Clarke’s back.

“Calm down, it’s not the end. I’ll talk to Anya, ask if Lexa talked to her.”

Clarke nodded, trying to calm herself but her tears would stop falling. They just had to fall.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa tossed her phone and grabbed the bottle of vodka she had bought. She hadn’t slept the previous night so she decided to try a new method. She opened the bottle and poured some of it in a cup filled with ice cubes. It made her heart tear apart replying Clarke’s text the way she did. But she knew what she saw. She couldn’t forget it. The guy was kissing Clarke and she had her hand on his chest, there is no way she could deny that she was kissing the guy back.

She wished it had never happened. But it did. And she couldn’t even stand to look at Clarke and she was hurting because of this. She loved Clarke the way she had never loved anyone else. Every cell in her body loved Clarke, but now, everything was over.

Lexa drank enough from the bottle until she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Raven knocked softly on Octavia’s door. She opened the door gently after Octavia allowed her.

“O, we need to help them.”

“Where is Clarke?” Octavia looked worried.

“Asleep, after sobbing for several minutes.”

“Damn! I miss them being all gross with each other.”

“Me too. Lexa must had been really drunk because she wouldn’t make such a big deal of this without talking to Clarke.”

“You’re right. She got something wrong. Like, really wrong. We gotta find a way to help them. Suit up, Rae. We are saving this relationship.”

“Damn right we are!”

 

* * *

 

 

“You look horrible.” Octavia said.

“O, shut up.” Raven slapped her shoulder.

Clarke sighed and shook her head.

“Sorry guys, I just can’t function without her.”

“We know, but please don’t give up on getting her back. Everything will be fine, trust us.” Octavia said.

“I’ll try to distract myself and I won’t be mourning all the fucking time.”

“And I’ll try to talk to Lexa, since Anya doesn’t know anything.”

“Thanks, Rae.”

“Don’t mention it. Well, I better go. See you later.”

Raven exited the apartment and headed to her first class of the day. She knew Lexa would be there and then she would take the chance to talk to her. She entered the classroom and spotted Lexa right away. She was reading a book, absorbed in her thoughts. Raven sat in front of her and began.

“I thought you were fucking dead!”

“Still alive.” Lexa said, withoug looking up.

“Don’t be a jerk and talk to me. I’ve missed you.”

Lexa sighed and looked at her.

“I’ve missed you too, Rae.” She gave Raven a weak smile.

“Come back home, Lex!”

“I can’t.” Lexa shook her head.

“You need to let her explain.”

“There is nothing to be explained and I don’t wanna talk about her.” Raven could see Lexa’s eyes filling with tears. “I just need space so I can heal.”

“Ok, but I’m still your friend. I don’t take sides.”

“I know.”

“Good. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No, Raven.”

Before Raven could insist, the professor entered the room and started class.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was typing her analysis when Raven entered the room with a grin.

“Did she talk to you?” Clarke asked, worried.

“We did talk, but nothing much.” Raven shrugged.

“What did she say?”

“Well, at first she was being a jerk to me. But I told her to cut her shit and talk to me. But I didn’t get anything from her.”

“Well, why are you grinning then?”

“I got some intel that might help you.” She winked at Clarke.

Clarke closed her laptop and got up.

“Spit it out, Reyes.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..?
> 
> Here's my twitter account: @lexasbitch


	26. So I cross my heart and I hope to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys.  
> I'm about to write chapter 29 and I think this story will have about 33 chapters. At first, I thought I would write about 50 chapters but I decided to compact some chapters so they wouldn't be so small. I'm not sure if it will be 33 or not, but as soon as I'm done writing this story, I'll let you know.  
> Anyways, enjoy!

Clarke was reading a book in her room. It had been a while since she tried to talk to Lexa. She really didn’t know what to do. She still loved and missed Lexa but in her head, maybe, it was time to give up. To let Lexa go. But before making any decision, she decided to focus on other things at that moment.

Clarke was lost in her thoughts when she heard a soft knock on the door.

“Come in.” She said.

Octavia stepped in and closed the door. She sat beside Clarke and sighed.

“I have some news.” Octavia paused. “But they are not good.”

“What is it, O?” Clarke looked at her friend worried.

“It’s about Lexa, I’m not sure if you wanna know.”

“Of course I want to know, O.”

“Ok. So, some other day, Lexa was hanging out with a different group.” Pause. “A friend of mine was there one of the days and she told me that Lexa had been drinking a lot and also…” Octavia hesitated.

“And what, O?”

“I’m not 100% sure of the details of this second information but she told me that this day, Lexa got a pill of LSD and that she was hanging with Tristan.”

“Who the hell is Tristan?”

“The guy who gave her the pill.” Octavia said.

Clarke had to take couple minutes to process that information. Lexa wouldn’t drink unless they were at a party, much less use drugs. It was enough to hear that Lexa was drinking but, drugs? That was new, especially when they were talking about LSD. What has Lexa become? Clarke never meant to turn Lexa into this. All of this because of a misunderstanding.

Clarke wiped the tear that had rolled down her face, took a deep breath and sat straight.

“Lexa is not being herself lately.” She pointed out.

“You’re right.” Octavia said.

“Even if she doesn’t want to get back with me, she needs my help. Before all this, we were friends.”

“She does need you but as you said, she’s not being herself so she might not want your help.”

“She won’t accept it, not easily. But I can’t give up on her, O. Not yet.” Clarke sighed. “I’m just… So upset. Lexa would never do it. Normally, she would talk to me and let me explain.”

“I know… Something is wrong with her. She had been stressed, it could have interfered.”

“Maybe. I need to talk to her. I’ll try to find her at college tomorrow.” Clarke said.

“You do it and let me know. If you need any help, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, O. I need to get my Lexa back.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lexa sighed as she got out of the building she had had her last class. She walked in the parking lot towards her car. She opened the back door throwing her bag on the back seat. She opened the door but before she could get in, she heard footsteps towards her.

“Lexa?” Clarke called. “Do you have a minute?”

 Lexa didn’t know what to say. She had more than a minute but she didn’t know if it would be good for her.

“I guess so.” She said, looking at her watch.

“I’ve been worried about you”

“Why?” Lexa quirked a brow.

“Someone told me you’ve been drinking. And before you say something else, you should know that I’m not ‘spying’ on you or whatever. I wasn’t asking about you, I just got the info.”

Lexa sighed and shook her head.

“I can stop whenever I want.” Lexa said, without emotion.

“I’m not saying you can’t. But I’s not something you used to do. I’m worried.”

“You don’t need to, I’m just stressed.”

“Listen, I don’t wanna overstep or anything but you should remember that…” Clarke sighed and carefully reached for Lexa’s hand. “Before we dated, we were best friends. If you don’t know how our relationship will go or even if you are sure that we wont get back together, it’s ok. But please, Lexa. Please, let me help. Le me be there for you, even if I’m the one who put you in pain.” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand and waited for an answer.

Lexa sighed and wiped the tear that was about to fall. Befose she could think about an answer, they were interrupted.

“What’s up, roomie?” Echo said, leaning on Lexa’s car.

“Hello, Echo. Do you want a ride?”

“Sure.” Echo smiled.

“Wait for me inside the car.” Lexa said.

Lexa turned back to Clarke, still with her own hand in Clarke’s.

“I have to go.” Lexa said and couldn’t avoid noting the sadness that fell on Clarke’s face. “Give me a little more time. I’ll be fine on my own for now.”

Clarke nodded sadly. Lexa started to withdraw her hand from Clarke’s, really slow. She turned around and entered the car, starting the engine. She drove to her new apartment, with Echo, leaving a crying Clarke behind.

Lexa hasn’t said a word since the moment she entered the car. Echo otherwise, decided to say something.

“Was that your ex?” She asked.

“I don’t wanna talk about her.”

“Maybe you should. You might feel better.”

“I don’t like talking about my problems, Echo.” Not with her anyway.

“Fine.” Echo shrugged.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Clarke watched as Lexa drove away. The tears started falling without her permission. When could no longer see Lexa’s car, she wiped the tears and walked towards her on car.

Clarke was upset for so many reasons. She missed Lexa more than ever. She missed talking to Lexa, feeling Lexa’s warmth every night while she was sleeping. She missed how caring Lexa was to her. She missed Lexa’s laugh, Lexa’s sleepy voice, her focused face, her smell.

She was also upset because she didn’t get an answer from Lexa. Lexa didn’t let her in, not even as a friend and it broke Clarke’s heart. But what broke Clarke’s heart even more, was seeing Lexa’s eyes filled with tears. Seeing Lexa like that, always let Clarke in pieces.

The girl, Echo, also had a part in it. The girl seemed comfortable around Lexa. Of course Clarke felt miserable because she couldn’t avoid the thought that they might have been having something else than sharing an apartment.

Clarke asked herself if Echo rode with Lexa every day, if Lexa had been distracting herself with Echo. Clarke had never felt so jealous in her entire life. The tears were falling once again as she drove home. She had to blink the tears away so she could see the street.

The thought that scared Clarke the most, was the possibility of never getting Lexa back, not even as a friend. Clarke was devastated. She couldn’t believe that all was happening because of such a small thing.

She parked her car and headed to the apartment, the tears never leaving her face. She opened and as soon as she turned around, Raven was wrapping her in her arms. Clarke finally broke down for real. She dropped the bag on the floor and hugged Raven, hiding her face on the crook of the girl’s neck.

“Hey, it’s ok. Let’s sit on the couch.” Raven said, moving to the couch.

Clarke sobbed for a long time until she finally calmed a little.

“What happened?” Raven asked, softly.

“I tried to talk to her. I mean, I did. I told her I wanted to help her, even if she didn’t want me back as her girlfriend. I even held her hand. But before she could say anything…”

Clarke tried to say anything but remembering about Echo and imagining all those things, broke her heart once again.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to talk about it.” Raven whispered, wiping Clarke’s tears.

“Echo, her housemate, she arrived and asked to ride with Lexa. They seemed comfortable enough around each other. And I couldn’t help but think about the two of them together.”

Clarke sobbed a little more and Raven sighed.

“It sucks, I know. What happened after that?”

“Lexa said she had to go and asked for a little more time. She said she would be fine on her own, then she left.” Clarke said.

Raven thought about all that, she had to say something.

“I love Lexa, you know I do. But she cant ask you for time until the last day of your life. Give her a little more time but if it takes her too long, give up. Let her go. You can’t live like this.” Clarke nodded. “Now you go shower, when you come back, we’ll lay on the couch and watch a movie. I’ll also make you something to eat.”

“Thanks, Rae. I love you so much. By the way, where’s O?” Clarke lifted a brow.

“She’s studying at Lincoln’s.” Raven smirked.

“Studying, right.” Clarke gave a weak smile and walked to her room.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next day, Clarke woke up with someone stroking her hair. She could tell it was Octavia because of her perfume. Clarke snuggled next to Octavia and sighed.

“Raven told me what happened. I’m sorry.” Octavia said.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.”

“Maybe she us overreacting a little but I believe she’ll come around. She’s a lovely person, we know that.”

“I hope so, I really do.”

“You should rest, finals next week and then we go home.”

“Thanks, O.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa was at the apartment, doing her homework. Or at least trying. Her mind was full with thoughts of Clarke. She had been thinking about what Clarke said, and she was right. Even if they broke up, they had to remember that they were best friends before all that.

The moment Clarke took her hand, all Lexa wanted to do was to pull Clarke for a hug. She wanted to hold Clarke and mostly, she wanted to be held. Lexa was making her decision, either they would figure that out or they would end all.

 

* * *

 

 

“You should call your dad.” Raven said. “He is probably worried but also he doesn’t want to bother you.”

“You’re right, I’m gonna give him a call.”

Clarke got up from the couch and headed to her room. She closed the door and sat on bed. She dialed his number and waited.

“ _Hello_?” Jake answered the phone.

“Hi, dad. How are you?”

“ _Fine. What about you_?”

“Well.” Clarke simply said.

“ _I mean it. How are you_?”

“I’ve been better. She asked for more time.”

“ _Do you think it is a good thing_?”

“I don’t know, dad. I haven’t been able to read her. And she has a roommate that seemed pretty close to Lexa. Maybe she’s moving on.”

“ _Don’t take any conclusions by that. I don’t believe Lexa would do something like that_.”

“I can’t function well without her, dad. Not only because she is my girlfriend, but also because she’s my best friend.”

“ _I know, sweetie. Give her another week, then you try to talk to her again_.”

“Yeah, but I think I’ll try to talk to her over Christmas break.”

“ _That’s a good idea too_.”

“Ok, I gotta go. See you soon.”

“ _Talk soon_.”

 

* * *

 

 

After finals, everyone went home for Christmas break. Two days after Christmas, Lexa found herself at a party by herself. She had discovered that drinking was always fun, unless she didn’t get home in one piece.

The place was crowded but it wasn’t that bad. Lexa had had three vodkas already and she was pretty tipsy but not drunk.

The fact that she was alone didn’t keep her from dancing and having fun. She just wanted to feel happy.  An hour later, she could say she was already drunk but she was fine. She was fine until someone squeezed her butt. She turned around to see a man smirking at her. Lexa went from fine to furious.

“What the fuck? Back off.”

“You’re here, all by yourself. You might want some company.”

The guy was pretty drunk, could barely form his words.

“I don’t, now leave me alone.”

“Come here.” The guy grabbed Lexa by the waist and pulled her to himself.

That was enough. Lexa kicked the guy’s balls, forcing him to back away. He hissed in pain and glared at Lexa.

“You’ll regret this.” He said, walking towards Lexa.

Before she could move, he dove a punch to Lexa’s face, hitting her mouth. Lexa stumbled backwards but got it together. She punched the guy’s stomach and kicked his left leg, making him lose his balance. Lexa wanted to get out of the place because the guy was twice as big as her and she knew she couldn’t take him. She started to look around, trying to find a gap to walk through and leave but the guy reached her one more time, kicking her ankle and making her fall in pain. He also punched her ribs and she just couldn’t breathe. Lexa couldn’t defend herself anymore. She gave up trying and just passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm done with guys approaching the girls at parties... They don't give break. Haha


	27. I'm feeling myself, I'm feeling myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT'S UO GUYS????  
> Sorry for not updating in two weeks ( at least I guess it's two weeks). I do have a good reason tho, I was getting ready for DDCon of The 100 here in Brazil and it was A M A Z I N G, and then I was in São Paulo for the con.  
> Let me know if you wanna know anything about the convention.  
> ANYWAYS, here we go.  
> Ps: the chapter's name is in honour to Eliza, who sang it at DDCon.

Lexa opened her eyes slowly, letting them adapt to the light in the room she was. Her head was pounding and her mouth was dry. When she could finally see, she noticed she was in the hospital. She tried to sit up but she felt a horrible pain in her ribs. She waited for a nurse or a doctor and while she was alone, she tried to remember what had happened. She had vague memories of a guy touching her and then hitting her.

“Hello, Lexa.” Abby said, entering the room.

“Hi, Abby.” She said, while Abby checked a few things.

“How are you feeling?”

“My head is pounding, my whole body hurts, especially my ribs.”

“The headache is because of the alcohol and the rest is because of the fight.”

“How did I get here?”

“Someone called 911. You hurt your ankle but it’s not broken, you can probably walk. You got a bruised rib, that’s why you can’t move or breathe easily.”

“Damn.”

“Your dad’s phone is probably dead so he still doesn’t know. In a couple hours I’ll discharge you but you’ll have to stay in bed.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll find someone to pick you up.” Abby kissed Lexa’s forehead and left the room.

That was too far. Lexa fought and got a bruised rib. She felt miserable. She would never had done that if she hasn’t gone to that party and drunk like she did. She regretted all that. She regretted drinking, using drugs, hanging out with the wrong people. She needed time to think, not time to waste destroying her life. Lexa cried silently in the hospital room until she fell asleep.

 

 

 

When she woke up again, she felt a hand in hers.

“Hey.” Clarke said, really soft.

“Hey.” Lexa blinked adjusting her eyes on Clarke.

“Your dad is out of town so I’m in charge of you.”

“Okay.” Lexa nodded.

“I’ll get you a wheelchair so you won’t have any effort.” Lexa nodded again. “Do you mind if I help you change or would you rather have a nurse to help you?”

“I would be glad if you could help me.” Lexa said, calmly.

She wasn’t in a place that she could deny any kind of help and between Clarke and the nurse, of course she would choose Clarke.

Clarke took a comfortable t-shirt and Lexa sweatpants she had brought with her to the hospital. She helped the girl to change and got the wheelchair for her. Abby had already discharged Lexa so Clarke could take her home.

They drove through the streets in silence. It wasn’t bad but Clarke was tense. She was afraid that Lexa would kick her out of her house as soon as Lexa was settled.

Clarke helped Lexa out of the car and get to her room. Lexa sat on bed feeling a little bit of pain.

“Are you hungry?” Clarke asked.

“Not really, but I would like to shower.”

Clarke nodded. “Do you think you can do it by yourself?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Ok, don’t lock the door. Just in case.”

Lexa nodded and reached for Clarke to help her up from the bed. She walked towards the bathroom and Clarke helped her to undress. Clarke opened one of Lexa’s drawers and grabbed Lexa’s sleeping clothes. She knocked softly on the bathroom’s door and let herself in, never looking to where Lexa was.

“I’m just gonna leave this here.” She placed the clothes on the counter.

Clarke walked towards the kitchen to prepare something for Lexa. She made her a sandwich and poured a cup of orange juice. She headed back to Lexa’s room and waited.

“Let me know when you’re ready to get dressed.” Clarke said through the door.

Lexa opened the door with her towel around her body. Clarke grabbed the clothes and dressed Lexa, avoiding any contact that would make Lexa uncomfortable. She helped Lexa to sit on the bed.

“I made you a sandwich and got a cup of juice, just in case you feel hungry.”

“I’ll eat it later. Thank you.”

“It’s just a sandwich.” Clarke waved off.

“No, I mean it, not just for the sandwich. Thank you for all.”

“Of course.” Clarke nodded, swallowing. “Well, I’ll let you rest. I don’t wanna bother you. I’ll be in the living room, just call me if you need me.”

Lexa frowned as Clarke turned on her heels to leave the room.

Lexa was a wreck but she had to get her life together. She had to quit drinking that much, quit drugs and forget about those bad influences, but mostly, solve things with Clarke. She wasn’t being fair.

“Hey, Clarke?” Lexa called.

She heard footsteps and soon Clarke was in her room.

“You ok?

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lexa said and looked at her hands.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke stepped closer.

“Can we talk?” Lexa asked.

“Yeah, sure. But we don’t have to do it now. I can wait until you feel better.”

“No.” Lexa sighed. “I’m ready.”

“Okay.” Clarke sat on the end of Lexa’s bed and waited.

“I’m gonna tell you what I saw that night and then you tell me what really happened. Is this ok?” Clarke nodded. “Alright. I went to get our drinks and when I came back, I saw you kissing that guy. His hand was on the back of your head and your hand was on his chest. The kiss seemed really… real. For me, you were even enjoying it. But it seems that I’m wrong.” Lexa gulped.

“Everything you saw, happened. But I wasn’t enjoying it. He said that we should make out but I turned him down. I turned around but then he got to me and kissed me. I put my hand on his chest so I could push him away. When I got free from him, Raven told me that she had seen you leaving. I went home but you weren’t there. Your stuff was gone.” Clarke wiped the tear that had fallen.

Lexa sighed deeply and soon she felt the pain in her rib. She recomposed herself and thought about what Clarke had said.

“The kiss… For me, that was so convincing. That was real. I thought… I thought you were enjoying it.” Lexa’s eyes were glossy. She was trying to hold back her tears.

“You were pretty drunk. It probably influenced you.”

“I’m sorry for not trusting you.” Lexa said, finally letting her tears fall.

“Don’t be. It was a misunderstanding.”

“I didn’t let you talk. I’ve put both of us in pain because I didn’t let you talk. I’ve been destroying my life because I wasn’t grown up enough to face my problems.” Lexa started sobbing. “I got physically hurt because I drank too much. I used drugs even if I always hated it. I made you suffer and you hadn’t done anything wrong. I know I wasn’t the only one who got hurt because of my stupid actions.” Lexa sighed, closing her eyes and letting more tears falling down. “I’m so sorry, Clarke.”

Clarke wiped those tears away and nodded.

“Can I hug you?” Clarke asked.

“God, yes!” Lexa breathed out.

Clarke moved closer and hugged Lexa, really carefully. Lexa relaxed completely into the embrace. She missed being in Clarke’s arms. She tried to get Clarke even closer to her, she needed that and she knew that Clarke did too. Lexa couldn’t hold back her tears; they were falling silently but constantly.

“I missed you so much.” Lexa said.

“Me too. I thought you’d never talk to me again.”

“How could I not? I love you.”

“I love you too, Lex.” Clarke whispered. “Does this mean we are still… dating?” Clarke asked, looking at Lexa’s eyes.

“Only if you want to. I did something wrong and if you don’t want to be with me, I’ll understand.”

“Do you think I would try to talk to you if I didn’t want you back?” Clarke asked and kissed Lexa’s lips gently. “I’ve missed your lips, by the way.” Lexa laughed. “You need to rest now.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Yeah, I’ll sit on that chair.”

“I want you to lie down with me.”

“It could not be a good idea, I might hurt you.”

“I don’t care, I want to cuddle. I need you closer.”

Clarke nodded and did what Lexa asked. She was careful with her movements and soon enough, they were asleep. Lexa in Clarke’s arms.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke skipped New Year’s Party so she could stay with Lexa. She made sure that Lexa stayed in bed most of the time. They got back to their apartment after getting Lexa’s stuff from Echo’s apartment. She knew that it would take 3-4 weeks to heal Lexa’s bruised rib so she explained to Lexa how to help the healing process.

With time, Lexa healed completely and Clarke wasn’t worrying anymore. Finals started one more time and everything went just fine. They celebrated the end of classes as always. After that, Raven and Octavia went home while Lexa and Clarke stayed at the apartment couple more days.

“You’re almost an engineer.” Clarke said. “Just one more year to go.”

“Yeah… Have you decided your path after med school?”

“Yes, I’m sure now. Orthopedic surgery, that’s what I want.”

“Nice. I’ll have someone to fix my broken bones if I fall of a building.”

“Oh my God, Lexa! Stop!” Clarke punched Lexa’s shoulder.

“Ouch, that was a joke!”

“Good. Do you wanna go out for a drink?” Clarke turned the TV off and moved on the couch to look at Lexa.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Lexa scratched the back of her neck.

“Why not? You haven’t drunk since that happened.”

“Yes and maybe I shouldn’t.”

“Lex, you need to trust yourself. I trust you.”

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked, a little hesitant.

“Yes. Come on, let’s go get ready.” Clarke stood up from the couch and helped Lexa up.

They got ready with a couple minutes and headed out. They decided to go to their favorite bar because it was a nice place to hang out.

Clarke chose a table where people wouldn’t pass by all the time. They ordered their drinks and soon enough the waitress brought two cups to the table. Clarke raised her cup as soon as the waitress put it down, taking a sip. Lexa stared at the cup, a little nervous.

“Hey,” Clarke said, putting her hand on top of Lexa’s and giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s fine, you won’t get in trouble if you drink. You’re not an alcoholic, Lexa. You just had a hard time.”

Lexa sighed and took a sip from her drink. Clarke smiled at Lexa, reassuring her.

“I don’t deserve you and you need someone better than me.” Lexa said.

“Too bad I want the bad girl.” Clarke winked, joking with Lexa.

The night went pretty well, they got home safely and finished packing so they could go to their home for summer.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Summer was pretty good as always but a little more relaxing than partying.

Their senior year of college was about to start and they just wanted to rest as much as they could.

The relationship between Clarke and Lexa was just fine. No big arguments, no big problems. The four girls were excited for senior year but also a little stressed already.

One night, Clarke and Lexa were hanging in the living room while Raven and Octavia went out for groceries. The doorbell rang and Lexa stood up to get the door. She had a surprise when she opened the door.

“Echo?”

“Hey, Lex. Long time no see.”

“Yeah… What are you doing here?” Lexa asked, a little confused.

“Straight to the point, right? Ok. I would like to take you on a date.”

Lexa suddenly started sweating just imagining Clarke’s face.

“Well, you see, I have a girlfriend.”

“Are you sure you wanna be with her? Because, Lex… I can’t forget that kiss.”

Lexa didn’t know what to say or do. She heard a cuss coming from behind her and of course, it was Clarke. Seconds later, she heard a door being slammed and she knew she was screwed.

“Now you can go with me, since your girlfriend is out of the way.”

“Get the fuck out of here!” Lexa yelled, closing the door in Echo’s face.

She walked to Clarke’s bedroom and knocked on the door. The blonde didn’t answer so she knocked again.

“Clarke, can I come in?”

She waited for an answer but got nothing, so she opened the door slowly. She looked inside, finding her girlfriend curled on bed, just staring at something. She sat at the end of Clarke’s bed and looked at her.

“Clarke, talk to me.”

“She said something about a kiss.” Lexa nodded, sadly. “Did you sleep with her?”

Lexa’s eyes widened and she started shaking her head.

“No, not with her. I--”

“NOT WITH HER?” Clarke cut her off. “What do you fucking mean?”

Lexa gulped and looked at her hands.

“Listen, Echo kissed me. I didn’t kiss her, I turned her down. But I did sleep with someone else. I don’t remember her name.” Clarke’s tears were running down freely. “It was right before I took my first dose of LSD. I was drunk and I thought it would be good but it wasn’t. Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Clarke shook her head and turned her back to Lexa. Lexa couldn’t judge her, she would probably have felt the same way.

“Don’t do this. Please, let’s talk.” Lexa asked.

“I know I didn’t have the right to expect you not to do anything else while you asked for time. But since the beginning of our relationship, I’ve been afraid to lose you. I’ve been afraid that you would get tired of me. I just hate being jealous. It consumes me and it breaks me.”

Lexa moved closer and laid beside Clarke.

“I love you. You’re the only one I want. I’m sorry if I made you jealous. Again. I don’t do it on purpose and I promise I never will.” Lexa stroked Clarke’s cheek with the back of her hand, making Clarke close her eyes. “I’m sorry.” Lexa repeated.

Clarke nodded but said nothing.

“How about we play something?”

“Not really up to it.”

“Sorry I killed your mood. Can I stay here with you?”

“Yes.”

Lexa opened her arms for Clarke, who accepted them. She laid her head on Lexa’s chest, listening to her heart while Lexa stroked her hair and kissed her head.

“I love you too, Lex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo? Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestion, feel free to share. 
> 
> Also, I have a new user on Twitter: @aryathebaker


	28. Holding on (QUICK UPDATE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to take a part of next's chapter and post here so you wouldn't freak out about Clarke being so ok with Lexa hurting her. It was meant for next's chapter but here it goes.

Clarke was going to meet at a bar next to campus after Clarke was done with her project. Clarke texted Lexa to make sure she was already there waiting for her. Clarke walked through the streets, without no big problems to worry about. Life has been nice to her lately, she couldn’t complain about anything.

Clarke arrived at the bar and stepped in. She walked towards the place she and Lexa liked to sit and saw someone beside Lexa. She didn’t recognize the person, maybe it was one of Lexa’s classmates. She was approaching the table when the girl hugged Lexa, probably saying goodbye. It was when the girl kissed Lexa’s neck, before standing, that changed Clarke’s mood. Clarke was so tired of all that. She turned on her heels and left the place.

She didn’t want to make a scene and she was deeply exhausted of fighting. She headed to her apartment, without letting Lexa know she wouldn’t be there. Clarke entered the apartment and headed to her room. There were no tears, no rage, no surprise. She was exhausted of feeling jealous and hurt. Clarke loved Lexa so much but lately all the fights they had, was mostly Lexa’s fault.

Clarke stepped in the shower and let the water run on her body. Showering was the best time to think. She loved Lexa and she was sure of that. She wanted Lexa and she was also sure of that. But maybe love wasn’t enough. Their relationship was everything to Clarke but she was getting hurt every time.

She got out of shower and dried herself. She got some clean clothes and exited the bathroom. She went to the kitchen to eat something and headed back to her room, to read a book and distract herself. She was reading the 4th chapter when someone opened her door.

“Why didn’t you tell me you wouldn’t show up?” Lexa asked, angry. “I called Raven and she said you were here.”

Clarke looked at her and thought. No, she wasn’t going to fight with Lexa. She looked at her book again and continued her reading.

“Clarke, I’m talking to you! Don’t make an idiot of me.” Lexa said.

“I don’t wanna talk right now.”

“What the fuck? Is that how it works? We need to talk to each other when something is wrong.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about the girl who kissed your neck?”

“Oh my God, Clarke! That was not what looked like. Stop being jealous, please.” And that was it.

“WHAT?” Clarke got up from bed. “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

“Stop being jealous.” Lexa’s eyes widened.

“You ask me to stop being jealous? Am I the one who ignored you for MONTHS because I was jealous and did not want to talk about it? Am I the one who made YOU suffer for the mistake I made? No, Lexa. I may get jealous many times but I always talk to you, while you just ignore me.”

Lexa had nothing to say. Clarke wasn’t lying.

“I forgave you, without thinking twice, and you know why? Because I loved you and I didn’t want to lose our relationship. The relationship that was so important to me. I stepped over all of your mistakes and forgave you. I didn’t ask for a break, I didn’t ask anything from you. I just forgave you. And I think I was too easy on you, because every time we fight, you somehow started it. You gave a reason to fight. And do not tell me that the girl kissing your neck was something normal, ‘cause people don’t do it.” Clarke sighed and turned away from Lexa. “Maybe we need to break up. Break up and find ourselves, discover what we want in life, because I don’t wanna fight. I love you and I don’t wanna fight. I don’t want a relationship where I put more effort than my partner. So you make up your mind, because I can’t be in a relationship where I always get hurt.”

Lexa had tears in her eyes and didn’t know what to say.

“Now, please, leave. I need to think and I can’t do that with you here.”

Lexa cleared her throat.

“You’re right. Just know that I wasn’t cheating on you. I would never.”


	29. To Build a Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me so long to write this one. Especially because it is longer than the others.  
> Anyways, I really hope you guys enjoy it. It took me so much to write, I'm tired but I hope it is enough to please you.  
> Also, I was reading some old chapters and I noticed how many words and letters I missed. I'll have to read the entire story someday so I can fix the spelling errors.  
> This is a huge chapter for this story, PLEASE, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.  
> Have fun!

Lexa entered her room and closed the door. She sat on her bed and let the tears fall freely. What was going on with her? Clarke was right, lately all the fights they had, was Lexa’s fault somehow. And it should be, Lexa wasn’t like this. Lexa never liked fights, she always liked talking about the problem.

But why was she acting like this?

Lexa didn’t know and it scared her. She had to find herself once again, she had to find her essence. She was losing Clarke. Her love, her best friend, her rock. Since the beginning, Clarke was the one who fought for their romantic relationship and it was time for Lexa to do it.

Hours passed while she tried to think about something to do and save their relationship. It was about 2:13am when she finally got up from bed and packed some clothes in her backpack. She got a piece of paper and a pen.

 

_Dear Clarke,_

_I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through, lately. You were right, recently I wasn’t into this relationship like you, but it doesn’t mean I did it on purpose. You’re the person who knows me the best and you know this isn’t me, I’m not like this._

_I’m heading out for a couple days because I need to find myself before we decide what to do. I know I lost your trust and I deserved it, but if you decide to give me another shot, I wanna be ready._

_I love you._

_Lexa._

Lexa folded the piece of paper, wrote Clarke’s name on it and left on the coffee table, heading out.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke opened her eyes in the morning and felt the exhaustion hit her body once again. She sighed and got up from bed. She walked to the kitchen to eat something and found Raven sipping her coffee.

“There is a note for you, on the coffee table.” Raven said.

“Did you read it?”

“Of course not.” Raven rolled her eyes.

“I was just asking, geez.”

Clarke took the note and read it. She bit her lower lip and looked up.

“What is it?”

Clarke handed Raven the note and waited.

“Well, it seems like the commander has a plan.”

“Yeah… I don’t really know what to think about it.”

“For now, you need to think about what you’re going to do when she comes back.”

Clarke nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa got her car and went from place to place. To her house, to a park, to the hospital, into the middle of the woods, to Clarke’s house, to a restaurant… So many places. It was probably weird but she felt like she had to do it.

It took her about 5 days to go to all places she wanted to go. She finally decided to go to her apartment, last. She went there and did everything she did in all the other places she had been. Couple hours later, she left the apartment and headed home again.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Hey, Clarke, what is this flash drive here?” Octavia asked, taking the small object in her hand and checking it.

“I don’t know, why would I?”

“It has your name on it.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows and moved next to Octavia.

“Weird, I don’t remember about this one.”

“Well, it was next to the TV. Check what it has inside.”

Clarke nodded and plugged the flash drive to the TV. It was a video. She pressed play and waited.

“ _Hi, Clarke_.” Lexa’s face appeared on the TV, she was holding the camera to herself. “ _You were probably asking yourself ‘what the fuck is this’. Well, I had to find myself but I didn’t want to do it alone. So I decided to share with you_.”

Clarke looked at Octavia, who just shrugged.

“ _As you can see…”_ Lexa said, walking towards somewhere. “ _This is where I fell and broke my arm when we were kids and I was trying to buy ice cream before you did._ ” Lexa pointed to a sidewalk and smiled.

The background changed and Lexa started again. She was in a cemetery and seemed quieter than the previous scenario. “ _This is where you held my hand as I said goodbye to my mom when I was 12._ ” A tear rolled down Lexa’s cheek. “ _You were my rock, you helped me getting through all that and I couldn’t be more grateful_.” The background changed and Lexa was in front a movie theater. “ _This is where we watched Harry Potter for the first time and you were so scared that the troll would kill Hermione_.”

Clarke laughed with the memory. By that time, Raven was in the living room with them, watching the video.

“ _Well, Clarke. You can probably guess why I’m at this place right now_.” Lexa smiled to the camera. “ _This is where you tripped and fell when you were leaving the school bus and everyone inside it started laughing. Except me, of course. Because I was such a good friend._ ” Lexa tried to suppress a laugh.

“LIAR.” Clarke said, laughing.

“ _Hi, Clarke. Can you remember this place_?” Lexa showed the place around. “ _This is where we learned to ride our bicycles when we were pretty young. I remember you were the first to ride it by yourself._ ”

“I always thought the commander was the smart one.” Raven said.

“BE NICE, RAVEN.” Clarke said.

_“What’s uuuuuup. If you don’t remember, this is where I got my first surprise party.”_ Lexa showed the place, a pizzeria. “ _I remember you got me ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. You were such an angel_.” Lexa winked.

“You kinda look like an angel.” Octavia smiled.

“See, Raven? It’s not difficult to be nice.”

Raven rolled her eyes.

“ _Ok, Clarke, can you guess where I am_?” Lexa asked. She had her face really close to the camera so Clarke wouldn’t be able to see the background. “ _I have someone else with me_.” She moved the camera away from her face and showed around. “ _Hey, Jim, can you say ‘hi’ to Clarke?_ ” Lexa asked.

“ _Hey, Clarke. I’ve been missing you. I hope you didn’t find a better Chinese place than mine_.” Jim said, waving at her.

“ _See, Clarke? You not only love Chinese food and this restaurant, this restaurant loves you back._ ”

Clarke was so touched by the video. She forgot about all the bad things she had in her life. All the worries.

“ _Polis High School. I remember I was afraid that during high school you would find another best friend and forget about me. Thank God I was wrong_.”

The scenario changed again.

“ _What’s up, Gustus_?” Lexa greeted the man behind her. “ _Do you remember when I brought you here_?” Lexa asked to the camera. “ _You were upset about something, that I now know it was because of Josh, so I brought you here to cheer you up. Fortunately, Simba is not here so it means that he found a new house.”_

Clarke laughed.

“ _I know I’m not supposed to drive and hold my phone. But I’m not holding my phone so it’s ok._ ” She shrugged. “ _I’ve shown you all happy memories but let’s remember that time you got really drunk and I had to pick you and the girls up. So next morning, you were going home and I wanted to talk to you but you didn’t want to talk to me. In the end, we talked and I told you we would get through whatever was happening to us, together.”_

Change of background.

“ _Yeah, well. This is your house, specifically, your room_.” Lexa showed around. “ _Don’t worry, I didn’t break in, your dad let me in_.” She smiled but the smile fell quickly. “ _Right here, in this room, you picked up all my pieces after that horrible night I had. Thanks for that, I love you_.”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile with the three little words and say it back in her head.

“ _AND RIGHT HERE, GRIFFIN_.” Lexa was outside Clarke’s house. “ _Right here is where you left me in the cold for one fucking hour.”_ Lexa sighed _. “I got sick because of that. I’ll never forgive you_.” She smiled at the camera.

Change of scenario.

“ _This is where they put the Christmas lights every year. It’s a little boring right now but we had a lovely time when we last came here. And you wanted to buy a Santa Claus hat. Oh god, you’re just a child_.”

Change of scenario.

“ _I had to ask for permission to get in here, but this is where you were going to kiss me, during New Year’s party. I had no idea at the time, I was so naive_.”

The scenario changed one more time. Lexa was in the middle of the woods or somewhere like that. “ _Well, this is a very special place to me_.” Lexa’s eyes were tender. “ _This is where I kissed you. This is where I gave in to my deepest feelings and kissed you. I remember every detail of it and I hope you do, too.”_

Clarke had tears in her eyes and she couldn’t help it. She was so surprised with that video, so amazed about it.

“ _Well, here I am. Back to my house_.” Lexa sat on her bed. “ _Right here, on this bed, you told me about your feelings. And I was so happy to hear about them because I was worried you wouldn’t like me back. The fun fact is: you thought the same thing. You probably even considered that when I kissed you, it was meaningless. Well, you already know it meant everything to me._ ” Lexa smiled and got up. “ _Now, here…”_ She walked to the kitchen. “ _Here is where we baked and kissed while we were drunk. It is also where you ate my favorite cookie and I’ll never forgive you for that.”_

Clarke chuckled.

“You’re mean, Clarke. Ate Lexa’s favorite cookie.”

“Shut up, Raven.”

“ _Alright_.” Lexa said, sitting somewhere quite different. “ _Right here, at this large tree on this large branch, I asked you to be my girlfriend_.” Lexa’s face lit up. _“I was so happy when you said yes. I hope you still haven’t changed your mind.”_

Clarke couldn’t help the tears rolling down her cheeks. She was crying silently but she was feeling everything.

“ _Here I am, back to our apartment. We had so many memories here but the first one was our first time._ ” Lexa sat on her bed in her apartment’s room. “ _I’m not gonna remind you the details ‘cause I’m sure Rae and O are watching this with you. Sorry, Rae. You’re not getting the gossip.”_

 “And here I thought my time had come.” Raven sighed, dramatically.

“ _I’ll stop with the memories for now. We had so many of them here. This place is where we played video game, where we drank with our friends, where we studied for finals… And this place is where I left you for no good reason. I’m still sorry for that. And I’m ready to talk, Clarke. If you want, of course. I’m so sorry for all I’ve done to you. I’ll be home tomorrow and I’ll wait for the time you’re ready to talk. I won’t pressure you and I’ll accept whatever decision you make. If you let me, I’ll clear things. I love you_.” Lexa smiled one more time and blew a kiss to the camera.

“Yeah, Griffin. That was cute. Really nice of her.” Octavia said.

“O, is right. Now it’s up to you.”

“I know guys, I still have to think about it. I loved this, I loved all this. It touches my heart, it really does.”

Clarke got up from the couch, took the flash drive and walked to her room.

She was still processing everything Lexa had recorded for her. It surely made Clarke cry, she missed the old Lexa and she could see her in that video.  She didn’t want to break up with Lexa, she knew that from the beginning and now it was time to decide if the break up was needed. Clarke had always loved how mature, affectionate and protective Lexa was. Lexa was usually quiet but always wise. Recently, she wasn’t acting like that, of course. But people had their bad moments and Clarke knew that. Even if it was a really bad one. Clarke didn’t want to end all this, she loved Lexa so much and she believed she could have old Lexa back.

Clarke plugged the flash drive to her own TV and watched the video again. And again. Again. She cried and laughed. She missed Lexa so much and she couldn’t give up on her already, she wanted to give their relationship another shot.

It was about 1:57am when Clarke heard someone walking in the house. She thought it was probably Raven or Octavia going to the kitchen but then she heard the door beside of her own door, closing. The door of Lexa’s room. Clarke thought that maybe it wasn’t Lexa’s door, maybe it was just the closet’s door next to her room. But Lexa said she would be back the next day, didn’t she?

Clarke got up from her bed and opened her door quietly. It was Lexa’s door that got shut. Clarke walked out of her room and stood in front of Lexa’s door. She reached for the knob and opened the door quietly. Lexa was already asleep in her bed. Clarke smelled the perfume in the room and couldn’t feel happier. It was Lexa’s mark. She shut the door again and walked to Lexa’s bed. She laid in front of Lexa and took one of Lexa’s arm to put it across her stomach. Seconds later she felt Lexa bringing her closer and sighing on her neck.

Even with all the problems between them, Clarke was home again.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lexa woke up with a good feeling in her chest. She opened her eyes and understood why. She smiled so widely that she thought her lips would rip. She kissed the back of Clarke’s head and waited for the other girl to wake up. She just enjoyed the moment, feeling Clarke’s body against her, feeling the smell of shampoo in her hair, listening to Clarke’s breathing.

After a while, Clarke woke up and turned around so she could face Lexa. Lexa smiled shyly at her and Clarke cupped her face. She looked at Lexa, analyzing her face. She closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss Lexa. It was a simple peck on the lips, but it was enough. She backed away, not opening her eyes, just resting her forehead on Lexa’s.

“I still love you.” Clarke whispered.

“I love you, too. But we need to talk about this.” Lexa said.

Clarke nodded but didn’t move away from Lexa. She just let Lexa play with her hair and kiss her forehead. She fell asleep one more time but it didn’t take long enough to wake up again. She looked at Lexa and waited.

“Are you ready to talk or do you need more time?” Lexa asked.

“We can talk. After I get up and get ready, of course.”

“Sure. I’ll do the same. Come here whenever you’re ready.”

Clarke nodded and left Lexa’s room. Lexa got up to shower and change. She went to the kitchen to eat something.

“Hey, commander.” Raven said.

“Don’t call me that.” Lexa said, rolling her eyes.

“That video you recorded for Clarke, it was pretty cool. Also, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too. Not that much but a little, yeah.”

“Asshole.” Raven laughed.

Lexa finished her breakfast and walked to her room. She sat on bed and waited. She didn’t know what she was going to say but she also didn’t make any plans, ‘cause they never worked. She heard a knock on her door and straightened herself.

“Come in.”

Clarke opened the door and let herself in. She sat on Lexa’s bed and looked at her.

“Do you wanna say something or should I start?” Lexa asked.

“You may start.”

“Okay.” Lexa sighed. “I don’t really know how to start, so here it goes. For what I did to you, I have no excuse. You haven’t done anything to me so I could possibly be punishing you for anything. But I’m not like that. I guess I wasn’t giving too much importance to our relationship. Everything I was really caring about during that time was college. But please, that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you or that I didn’t love you. I truly do not know what came to me. I got jealous and didn’t talk to you. I cheated on you. I made you suffer, I didn’t trust you, I lied to you and I broke your trust. But even though it seems I don’t, I do love you. So fucking much.” Lexa wiped away the tear that was about to fall. “I love you and I would love if you decided to give me another chance to prove I’m back. To prove the old Lexa is back. The one you used to be proud of. I can’t have you away from me.” Lexa looked down at her hands and let the tears roll down her cheeks. “I’m so, so sorry, Clarke. I would do anything to go back in time and change that. I know I don’t deserve it, but if you think that it might be worth another shot, please, give me another chance.”

Clarke wiped away her own tears and scooted closer to Lexa, taking her hands in her own.

“You said it to me before and I’ll say it to you, again. We’ll get through this. I need you back, ok? I need the old Lexa back.”

Lexa nodded and pulled Clarke for a hug.

“I’m so sorry, babe.” Lexa said.

“I know, but please, don’t screw up again. I won’t be able to handle it.”

“I won’t.” Lexa buried her face on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Now.” Clarke said, after a while, backing a little so she could look at Lexa. “Who was the girl that kissed your neck?” She didn’t want to hear the answer, but she knew she had to.

“Remember when I said I didn’t remember the name of the person I slept with? That was the girl. She found me and thought I was single or whatever. She just wanted to do it again. I told her that was a mistake and that I had a girlfriend who I loved.”

“I don’t understand why people just come to you and touch you, for fuck’s sake, when will they stop?”

“I’ll be more careful with people around me, for now on.” Clarke nodded, smiling weakly. “Would it be ok if I… kissed you?” Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded and closed her eyes. Lexa scanned her face, memorizing one more time everything in Clarke’s face. She leaned in slowly and linked their lips gently. Kissing Clarke was the best feeling in the world for Lexa. She melted into the kiss every time. Clarke cupped Lexa’s face and sighed into the kiss. She missed those lips so much and it felt so good to feel them again. They separated and looked at each other.

“Love you so much it hurts me.”

“I don’t want you hurting, Clarkey.” Lexa kissed the top of Clarke’s read. “How about we play some video game so I can kick your ass?” Clarke glared at Lexa like she was going to kill her girlfriend. “Or maybe I should just let you kick my ass. Maybe?”

Clarke smiled. “Better.”

They got up from bed and walked towards the living room.

 

 

 

Later that day, Lexa was getting ready to go to sleep. She showered and got in bed. She took her book from the nightstand and started reading. She was lost in her mind when her phone vibrated.

**Clarke** : why are you sleeping alone?

Lexa typed quickly.

**Lexa** : I didn’t know if it was ok to sleep with you

**Lexa** : I guess I should’ve asked

**Clarke** : you should have

**Clarke** : and it’s ok

**Clarke:** unless you wanna sleep alone

Lexa got up from bed and walked to Clarke’s room. She knocked on the door and slowly opened it. She walked to the bed and lay down behind Clarke, cuddling her.

“I sleep better when I’m with you.” Clarke said.

“Same.”

 

* * *

 

 

Couple days later, Lexa and Clarke were still rebuilding their relationship. Lexa was giving Clarke time and reasons to trust her again. They were taking it slow but Clarke could already see some signs of the old Lexa. She was paying more attention to things now, she was mature and caring once again.

“Hey, Clarke. I have a project to finish and I need to get it done with my partner. She wanted to finish it at that café near campus but I would rather finish it here, would it be okay if I invited her?”

Clarke knew why Lexa was asking and why she didn’t want to finish at the café. She asked Clarke about it so Clarke would know about the girl and also see that Lexa wanted her to be okay with it.

“Of course, you didn’t have to ask me.”

“I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” Lexa shrugged.

“It’s okay, babe. If Rae and O are okay with it too, you can invite her over.”

Lexa nodded and kept playing with Clarke’s hair.

“I’m feeling like some ice cream.” Lexa said.

“Ohhh me too.” Clarke shrugged.

“DID SOMEONE SAY ‘ICE CREAM’?” Raven shouted from her room.

“NO!” Lexa and Clarke shouted back.

Raven came into the living room.

“Okay, I’m ready. Who is taking us?”

“We are not going out, Raven.”

“But I heard you guys talking about ice cream!” Raven whined.

“How old are you?” Clarke asked.

“When it comes to ice cream? I’m like, 5.”

“Okay.” Lexa lifted Clarke’s head from her lap carefully, getting up. “I’m taking you.”

“YES! You were always my favorite, you know.” Raven whispered.

“I HEARD THAT.” Clarke shouted.

Lexa and Raven headed out for ice cream and returned about 30 minutes later. Clarke didn’t move from the couch.

“Hey, I bought you something.”

“What is it?”

“Cheesecake brownie ice cream.” Lexa smirked.

“Don’t you play with my feelings. Are you serious?”

“Of course I am!” Lexa handed her the ice cream container.

Clarke got up from the couch and kissed Lexa’s cheek. “I love you.” Then she headed to the kitchen to get a spoon.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa got home after college and walked to Clarke’s room.

“Hey, babe. Are you busy?” Lexa asked.

“No, why?” Clarke looked at Lexa from her seat at her desk.

“Oh, nothing.” Lexa walked towards Clarke and pulled her up, gently. “I just wanna do something.” She guided Clarke to her bed and pushed her down to sit on it.

She then sat beside Clarke and kissed the tip of her nose and then her forehead.

“I missed you.”

She kissed Clarke’s lips and looked at her once again. Then she held Clarke’s shoulders and pushed her down so she could lie on bed. She straddled Clarke’s legs and started kissing all over Clarke’s face.

“Oh god, Lexa. What happened to you?” Clarke asked, between kisses.

“I just-” kiss “missed you-” kiss “so much.” Lexa kissed her cheeks, her jaw, her ears, her nose, her eyes, her neck, her forehead and her mouth. “You deserve so many kisses of love.”

Clarke couldn’t stop giggling.

“You deserve so much love.” Lexa said, never stopping with the kisses. “And I love you. Now we cuddle.” She took her shoes off and cuddled with Clarke.

“What happened to you today?”

“Nothing.” Lexa shrugged. “I just feel like kissing you and being next to you.”

“I like it.”

“Good. Do you like napping?”

“That I love.”

Lexa kissed Clarke’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Pizza.”

“Chinese.”

“We ate Chinese two days ago, Clarke.”

“But I still want it.” Clarke whined.

“What about Italian?”

“Lexa. Chinese.”

“Mexican?”

“Lexa, no.”

“Lexa, yes.”

“Lexa. No.”

“Lexa, yes.”

“Lexa, I’m on my period.”

“Lexa, no. You won.” Lexa said, defeated.

“YAY.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Lexa?” Clarke called from her bedroom.

She heard footsteps and Lexa showed up.

“Yes? You ok?” She looked at Clarke, still in bed.

“I have a massive headache but I need to turn in my essay. The biggest essay of my life. Can you do this for me?”

“Of course. Why does your head hurt?”

“I don’t know, but it’s bad. Promise me you’ll turn my essay in? Because if you don’t, I’ll fail this subject. And I can’t.”

“I promise, you can trust me. Where is it?”

“On my desk.”

Lexa walked to Clarke’s desk and took the sheets of paper on it. She walked towards Clarke and sat on her bed.

“Call me if you need anything.” She kissed Clarke and got up. “I’ll call to check on you in a few. Love you.”

“Love you, too, babe.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, do I deserve some reviews?  
> Hope everyone is surviving Comic Con.


	30. What is this box?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up?  
> So, I just wanted to remind you guys that the way I write is not like some other writers, that describe every single detail and take a long time talking about it. Here, things happens, get solved and move on.  
> I didnt review this chapter, so I'm already sorry if you find any typo. I'm just too tired.  
> Anyways, enjoy.

**Couple weeks later…**

Lexa had just received a box from the mail. It was from Anya but Lexa had no idea what it could be. She headed to her room to open the box and her jaw dropped as soon as she lifted the lids of the box. She could feel her face burning while she stared at the colored strap-on inside the box.

She decided to hide the box under her bed so no one would see it. She walked to the living room, taking her phone from her pocket.

 **Lexa** : I’m gonna kill you, Anya.

“Hey, babe. Who was that at the door?” Clarke asked.

“Oh, that was nothing.”

“Are you lying to me, Lexa?” Clarke lifted a brow, but not really mad.

“No, babe. It was just the postman.”

“Ah, okay.” Clarke shrugged and walked away.

 **Anya** : DID YOU LIKE IT?

 **Lexa** : NO.

 **Anya** : Of course you did. Have you showed it to Clarke?

 **Lexa** : Nope and I won’t.

Before Lexa could get a reply from Anya, she heard Clarke.

“Lex what is this box under your…”

Lexa didn’t Clarke finish her sentence, she was running to her room already. But it was too late, Clarke had opened the box. Her jaw was on the ground and also a half smile covered her face.

“Lexa… What is this?” Clarke smiled.

Lexa sighed and sat on the bed.

“I got it from the mail couple minutes ago.”

“Oh my God, did you buy it?”

“Of course not! Anya sent it. What were you doing here anyway?”

“I was looking for a shoe. Why didn’t you show me?”

“Because I didn’t ask for this. I was embarrassed.”

“Are we using it?” Clarke seemed excited.

“W-What?”

Clarke chuckled and sat beside Lexa. She placed her hand on Lexa’s thigh and looked at her.

“Are you really gonna hide it and not use?”

“Let me get this straight. You wanna use it?”

“Yep. I don’t know how it is to have a dick inside me.”

“I don’t even know what to say about this.” Lexa said, with widened eyes.

“Don’t say anything, just do it.” Clarke winked.

“I’ll think about it.”

Clarke chuckled and leaned next to Lexa’s face, biting her earlobe gently and then kissing her cheek.

“Fine. I’m gonna do my homework now.”

“You’re killing me.”

Clarke walked to her room to get started with her homework while Lexa took her phone once again. She had a message from Anya.

 **Anya** : I bet she’ll like it.

Lexa sighed and typed.

 **Lexa** : She just found it.

 **Anya** : What did she say?????????

 **Lexa** : ….

 **Lexa** : She wants to use it

 **Anya** : I KNEW IT

 **Anya** : She’s gonna LOVE it

 **Lexa** : BYE ANYA

 

 

 

Lexa was in the kitchen, starting dinner.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Clarke showed up. “Do you want help?”

She moved closer to Lexa, kissing her cheek.

“Yeah, sure. Can you cut some potatoes?”

Clarke nodded and started her job. She had a hard time trying to pay attention to the potatoes instead of Lexa.

“You look hot when you’re cooking.”

“Thanks but Rae and O are at home, you can’t bang me right here and now, if it’s what you wanted.” Lexa teased.

“Well, I would like very much to see you naked right now.”

“Maybe some other day, Clarke.” Lexa laughed and Clarke pouted.

They finished dinner and after eating and cleaning up, both of them laid down on the couch.

“Are we napping?” Clarke sighed, tiredly.

“Hell, yes.”

“You’re the little spoon.”

“It’s ok, I wanna be held anyways.” Lexa shrugged.

Lexa buried her face on the crook of Clarke’s neck, breathing her in.

 

 

Later that evening, Lexa was getting ready for bed when Clarke entered her room.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Clarke asked, leaning against the wall.

“Just getting ready for bed. You?” Lexa folded a shirt as she answered.

“Oh, you know, just trying to have some fun.” Clarke pushed her body off of the wall, walking to Lexa.

Clarke pulled the chair next to them and placed it in the middle of the room.

“Sit.” Clarke demanded.

“What are you doing?” Lexa quirked a brow, hesitating to sit.

“Would you, please, sit down?”

Lexa nodded and did it. Clarke locked the door and walked back to Lexa. She sat on Lexa’s lap, facing the other girl. She stared at Lexa’s eyes and placed both of her hands on the back of Lexa’s head. Clarke started moving her own hips against Lexa’s. Lexa didn’t break the eye contact with Clarke until Clarke decided to kiss her. The kiss was soft but needy. Clarke started grinding Lexa’s lap faster and harder. Lexa couldn’t keep her hands to herself. Her hands traveled from Clarke’s waist to her hips and then her butt.

“Were you planning this?” Lexa asked, breathless.

“Since you showed me the gift Anya gave you.” Clarke whispered.

“You really wanna use that?”

“Yes, please.” Clarke smirked. “I’ve been imagining you banging me with that, all night.”

“As you please.” Lexa lifted from the chair, holding Clarke with her, and took her to bed.

She laid on top of Clarke and started kissing her jawline, her earlobe and then her neck. Soon enough, she tossed Clarke’s shirt and bra to the floor. She put her thigh between Clarke’s and took one of her nipples inside her mouth. Clarke intertwined her fingers on Lexa’s hair, keeping her in place.

“Do that thing again.” Clarke almost begged.

Lexa nodded and sucked Clarke’s nipple without releasing it but instead, she licked the tip of the small nub.

Clarke moaned one more time and Lexa decided it was time to keep going.

“What should I do now, Clarke?” Lexa teased, massaging Clarke’s center.

“Stop teasing me.” Clarke asked.

Lexa leaned down so she could speak in Clarke’s ear.

“Tell me what you want.”

“Can you just fuck me already?”

“No.”

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I’m going down on you first.”

Clarke moaned just thinking about it and soon, Lexa was between her legs.

“Fuck, Clarke! You’re dripping.” Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke’s folds, making the girl shiver.

She kept running her fingers through the girl’s folds just to tease her.

“Stop teasing, please!” Clarke begged.

Lexa thought it was enough and decided to give Clarke what she wanted. She started running her tongue through Clarke’s folds, in slow pace. She weaved her tongue between the folds and then she sucked each side of it. She noticed how Clarke’s moans had increased and smiled to herself. She made zig-zag moves with her tongue, starting from Clarke’s entry and when she reached her clit, she gave it a big suck, making her girlfriend cry in pleasure.

“Lex…” Clarke breathed out. “Fuck me.”

Knowing how much release Clarke needed, Lexa ran to her bathroom, making Clarke complain for leaving her, and got the strap-on. She got ready and walked back to her room. Clarke’s eyes went dark as soon as she saw Lexa.

“Are you sure about this?” Lexa asked.

“Damn sure.” Clarke said, spreading her legs.

Lexa wasted no time and climbed on top of Clarke. She kissed her desperately and looked at her eyes.

“Let me know if you feel any kind of pain or if you feel uncomfortable.” Clarke nodded. “It won’t be pleasurable if it hurts so I’ll start slow.”

She held the dildo with her right hand, while supporting her weight with her left hand. She started to introduce the head of the dildo in Clarke’s entry, staring right to her face to make sure she wasn’t hurting Clarke.

When it was finally fully inside Clarke, she waited a little bit so she would get comfortable with it.

“Let me know when you’re ready.” Lexa said.

“Do it.”

Lexa started thrusting her hips slowly, picking up her pace.

“Fuck.” Clarke whimpered.

“You ok?”

“God, yes! Faster.”

Lexa sped up. She was exhausted already but she wanted Clarke to have a good experience.

“I’m… I’m so close.” Clarke cried out. “Go harder, Lex.”

And Lexa did. She would do everything Clarke told her.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” She did.

Lexa helped her riding out her orgasm and after that, she took the strap-on off, tossing it to the floor.

“How was that?” Lexa kissed Clarke’s face.

“Mind-blowing.” Clarke panted.

“I’m so exhausted.”

“God, me too.”

Lexa rolled off Clarke and cuddled her.

“I’m gonna sleep now.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was in her room, studying for her last finals from pre-med. She heard a soft knock on her door and told the person to come in. Lexa entered the room and sat on the bed.

“Hi, babe.” Clarke greeted.

“Hello, pumpkin.” Lexa gave her a weak smile.

“What’s wrong?”

“No big deal, I’m just tired and stressed because of finals. Also, my shoulders are killing me.” Lexa pouted.

“Do you want a massage?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, but only if you have time for me.”

“Of course I do, you dork.”

Clarke stood up from her chair and sat on the bed, behind Lexa. She started moving her fingers on Lexa’s shoulders.

“Are you ready for finals?” Clarke asked.

“Pretty much. I just need to review my notes and then I can rest and relax before facing those finals.”

“Good. I’m almost done too.”

“I can help you reviewing if you want.” Lexa said.

“That would be great.”

“I can also take a nap with you because we have barely talked the last two weeks and I miss you.”

“Ugh, I know. But we only stayed away from each other because we had to study. I would love to nap with you.”

 

 

 

 

Finals came and passed. The four girls got good grades and passed all their classes. At the end of the week, they were pretty much exhausted.

“Clarke, I demand your presence.” Lexa shouted from her room.

She was under the blankets in bed. Clarke came fast.

“Is anything wrong?”

“Yes, there is. Why aren’t you in my bed?”

“Because I was in mine.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“It’s time to sleep, Clarkey. Come sleep with me?” Lexa pouted.

“Is this all you’re going to do now? Just sleep?”

“Well… Yeah? At least until I have my FE test.”

“Fine.” Clarke laid in bed with Lexa. “You’re the little spoon.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Graduation day came and it was even better than they had expected. Lexa and Raven had passed the FE test and now they were thinking about what to do.

Clarke and Lexa were lying on bed, just playing with each other.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” Clarke started, looking at Lexa.

“What is it?”

“Promise you won’t freak out?”

“Yeah.”

Clarke sat on the bed and looked at Lexa.

“Since we don’t know what Rae and O are doing and I’m stuck here for at least another 4 years and I assumed you’d find a job or something else here… What if we… find another apartment, smaller, and… move in? Maybe? The two of us?” Clarke was nervous that Lexa would freak out or something.

At first, Lexa stayed quiet, just thinking. Clarke was freaking out herself but what she didn’t know, was that Lexa was just being dramatic, since she knew Clarke would be freaking out.

“You see, Clarke…” Lexa started, serious. “I’ve been thinking about getting my masters, so this idea of yours is just great.” Lexa smiled.

“Oh my God, Lexa! I was worried. Are you serious about this?”

“Of course I am. I don’t see any problem with this.”

Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa.

“Love you. Should we start looking?”

“Sure.” Lexa nodded, grabbing the laptop. “What do we need?”

“One bedroom? Two?” Clarke asked.

“One is enough. Two bathrooms. Between campus and downtown.”

They searched for hours, trying to find the best place for them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The four girls sat in living room talking about their future.

“I’ll probably find a job. I’m waiting a reply from a car company.”

“Well, Lexa and I are moving in together to a smaller apartment because you know, I’m not done with college and Lexa is getting her masters.” Clarke explained.

“Really, Lex?”

“Yeah, architecture and engineering manager.”

“Cool.”

“So, when are you moving in?” Octavia asked.

“In three days, actually.”

“Good for you, guys. Are you inviting us for drinks?” Raven asked.

“Of course.” Lexa said.

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh my God, Lexa, you’re such a mess! Are you ready?”

“Yes! Yes, I am.” Lexa huffed.

They packed the last box and entered in the car. Lexa drove for a couple minutes and finally arrived at their new home.

“After unpacking, we’ll need to go to the grocery store.”

“Hell yeah! We need to get some beers.” Clarke said.

“You’re just like Raven.”

“Can’t help it.”

Hours later, they were mostly unpacked, they just had couple utensils from the kitchen to unpack.

“I claim the right side of the bed.” Lexa said, while caressing Clarke’s legs.

“What? No!” Clarke pouted.

“I love you, Clarkey. But I want the right side.”

“Fine, but you’ll be the little spoon every night.”

“We’ll see about that.” Lexa smirked.


	31. Are you trying to conquer me, Woods?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a summary of the years passing during Clarke's med school and residency program.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, people.  
> I'm sorry for the delay, I've been without any inspiration, I'm really sorry.   
> As you could see, this a different chapter.   
> Anyways, big things next chapter.   
> See ya!

“Babe. How much are you enjoying our new life together?” Clarke asked, from the kitchen.

“I love it. Not that I didn’t like living with Rae and O, but you know, I like having you all to myself.” Lexa winked, setting the dinner table.

“Possessive!” Clarke joked.

“Not really. What time did you say they would get here?” Lexa asked.

They had invited their parents for dinner so they could see their new apartment and hang out.

“They should be almost here. Don’t forget the dessert in the fridge.”  Clarke reminded her.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Couple minutes later, the doorbell rang and they walked to the door.

“Hey, sweetie!” Abby said, hugging Clarke and then, Lexa.

Jake, Kyle and Anya also greeted both girls and stepped in.

“This is a really nice place.” Kyle said, looking around.

“Thanks, dad. Why don’t we sit? Dinner is almost ready.”’

They all sat on the couch in the living room and started chatting.

“So, blondie. Is Lexa a good housemate?”

“Anya, it’s not like I wasn’t living with her before.”

“Yeah, but you had your two best friends before to help you handle her.”

“Hey, I’m Clarke’s best friend, too!” Lexa said.

“Yes, you are.” Clarke said, looking at Lexa and then at Anya. “But she’s fine. We help each other doing everything. I’m used to her already.”

“Geez, you guys look like a married couple.” Jake joked.

“DAD!”

Everyone laughed, including Clarke.

“Okay, dinner is ready.” Lexa said, getting up from the couch. Everyone followed her and sat at the table.

Lexa and Clarke took the food to the table and joined their family. They started eating and Abby decided to start a conversation.

“How is med school going, Clarke?”

“I have a lot to do, you know how it is. But I’m doing good.”

“And are you liking it?”

“Oh, no. I love it.” Clarke smiled and Abby did too.

“What about you, Lexa? How is it going?” Jake asked and Kyle nodded.

“I’m starting my masters and I got a part time job. Everything is fine.”

“You got a job?” Kyle asked, surprised.

“Yes, but I’m not working yet. I’ll start next week.”

“I’m so proud of you, Lexa.” Her father said, with the biggest smile.

“Thank you, dad.”

“Yeah, you’re not bad.” Anya winked.

They finished their meal, hung out for a little while and everyone left.

“That was really nice.” Lexa said.

“It was indeed.”

“Now we have to clean all this.”

“Which sucks ‘cause I’m really tired.” Clarke yawned.

“Don’t worry about it, I can take care of all.”

Clarke thought about it but shook her head.

“No, Lex. We’ve been so busy that we barely have time for each other.” Lexa looked at her and nodded. “We clean this up together, it will be done faster and then we can enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the night.”

Lexa moved closer to Clarke and kissed her lips.

“Sounds nice. I know we haven’t had time for each other because of my masters plus part time job and med school. But in less than two years I’ll be free and you’ll be half way through med school.” Lexa kissed the top of Clarke’s head. “Just don’t forget that we can do it.”

“I know, babe.” Clarke nodded. “Now let’s get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was doing some homework in the living room when Lexa approached her.

“Hello, love.” Lexa said, sitting on the chair next to Clarke.

“Hey, babe.” Clarke answered, looking at Lexa.

“I wanna take you out on a date. Would you like to go out with me?” Lexa asked.

“Of course! It’s been ages since we went out. Where are you taking me?” Clarke asked with happy eyes.

“It’s a surprise, Griffin. You have known me for so long and still you don’t get used to the fact that I love surprising you.”

“Ugh! But it’s okay, I like surprises.” Clarke smiled. “When is it?”

“Saturday night, if that’s okay.”

“Of course.”

“Sweet! I’ll pick you up at 6.” Lexa winked.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“From the way we are dressed, I take that we are going somewhere fancy.” Clarke said, looking down at her dress.

“Yes, we are. We deserve a nice date.”

They entered the car and started driving. After 20 minutes, they arrived at a very nice restaurant. The hostess came and took both of them to their table.

The place was very fancy indeed. Everyone was really well dressed. The place had a beautiful chandelier, the chairs were really comfortable and the tables were very nice looking, with a beige tablecloth. After ordering their drinks, Clarke looked at Lexa.

“Oh my God, Lexa. How are you gonna pay for this?” Clarke whispered.

“Don’t worry about that. I have a job now.” Lexa smiled.

The waiter brought the menu and both woman chose what appealed to their liking. The classic music playing in the background turned the moment even more romantic. They had a nice meal and the most delicious dessert they could ever ask for. Clarke surely felt like a princess at the moment. Lexa paid the check and they walked back to their car.

“Thank you, Lexa. It was the most beautiful date I ever had.”

“You’re very welcome, but it’s not over yet.” Lexa winked.

“What?”

“We still have… stuff, to do.”

“Tell me.”

“Nope.” Lexa smiled.

She drove for an hour and a half until she arrived at her destination. She parked her car in front of a hotel and got out.

“Are we sleeping here?” Clarke asked.

“Yes.”

“But I didn’t bring any clothes.”

“Well, I did.”

Lexa gave her keys to the valet while the hotel porter took their luggage. Lexa thanked them and took Clarke’s hand, walking to the front desk to check in. They entered the elevator and soon, they were inside their room.

“We need to change our clothes to something comfortable.”

“Where are we going?”

“We are going to an observatory.” Lexa smiled.

“Let me get this straight: we drove an hour and a half so you could take me to an observatory?”

“Yes, Clarke. We did.”

Clarke smiled and walked towards Lexa, slowly.

“Are you trying to conquer me, Woods?”

“That’s all I’ve been trying to do.” Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke, gently.

After 15 minutes, they headed to the observatory, taking an Uber. The place was nice and quiet. Few people were there, so they had time to enjoy it. They stayed there for about an hour and then headed back to the hotel. Lexa closed the door and turned around, to find Clarke looking at her.

“I’m so thankful for this date.” Clarke hugged Lexa. “I love you.”

Lexa kissed her forehead and tightened the hug.

 “Now I’m gonna shower.” Clarke said, winking.

“Am I allowed to join you?”

“You shouldn’t even ask.” Clarke answered, taking her shirt off.

 

* * *

 

 

More than a year passed and Lexa was done with her masters. During that time, life hasn’t changed much. They had been busy most of the time but they always found time to enjoy themselves. Lexa got a much better job after finishing her masters and Clarke was happy she was half way through med school.

Clarke had been really stressed with med school, so much to do and learn, but Lexa understood and supported her. Clarke also had support from her family and friends, even if they were somewhere else.

Even being busy all the time, Clarke and Lexa’s relationship was great. They had few conflicts sometimes, but it was normal. They also found some time to go to Vegas. They spent four days enjoying their city before coming back to their apartment.

 

* * *

 

 

After Clarke’s graduation from med school, she started her residency program. It was a five-year program for Orthopaedic Surgery. During those five years, Clarke lived more than could expect. She was even more busy than normal, but she knew she would be busy like that. Meanwhile, Lexa had many projects she was working on.

Sometimes, Clarke would get home from a late shift to find Lexa sleeping on the couch, waiting for her.

“Hey, baby.” Clarke sat on the couch next to Lexa. “Let’s go to bed.”

Lexa stirred on the couch and opened her eyes.

“What time is it?” She asked Clarke.

“12:30am. Let’s go to bed.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand and pulled her up.

Before walking to their room, Lexa embraced Clarke.

“I missed you.” She stroked Clarke’s back and kissed her cheek. “How was your shift?”

“Exhausting.”

“I know. Let’s go to bed.”

They walked to their room and went to bed, after Clarke’s shower.

 

* * *

 

 

When Clarke was done with her residency, she got to keep her job at the same hospital, which was great. She had learned so much there and she really liked the place. She was officially an orthopedic surgeon and then, life started to settle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel this chapter was terrible, I'm really sorry. I just lack inspiration. This was also a much shorter chapter, I'm just so sorry for this. I really tried to do a better job.


	32. I got these feelings for you and I can't help myself no more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry it took so fucking long. I just couldn't write, wasn't inspired.  
> Secondly, a HUGE thanks to Sixtine for helping me.  
> Finally: Have fun.

Clarke was in the living room, reading some paper from the hospital and also thinking about an upcoming surgery. It was about 6:45pm when Lexa walked in the front door.

“Where are you going, babe?” Clarke raised a brow.

“I, uhh… I need to go to the café near the mall. I have a meeting with a client.”

“But at this hour? It’s almost 7pm.” Clarke placed the papers down on the coffee table.

“It won’t be long, I promise you. I’m only going right because it was the only time my client had available.” Lexa explained.

“Oh.. Okay. Please don’t take long.”

“I won’t.” Lexa walked towards Clarke and gave her a peck on the lips. “See you in a while.”

Lexa left the apartment and Clarke grabbed her paper once again.  It wasn’t normal for Lexa having meetings with clients during the evening but Clarke knew that she had many clients and maybe they were having problems with schedules.

She started reading her papers again, preparing for the surgery she had the next day. She was going to fix a boy’s broken knee and mistakes weren’t allowed. About an hour and twenty minutes later, Lexa came through the front door.

“Hello, my love.” She smiled and sat beside Clarke.

“Hey, how was your meeting?” Clarke asked.

“It was okay.” Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke. “I missed you.”

Clarke sighed and turned to Lexa.

“I missed you, too.” She smiled.

“I’m going to shower and I’ll wait for you in bed.”

“Sure, I won’t be long.”

Lexa stood and headed to their room. She put her bag away and entered in the shower. When she finally exited the bathroom, she found Clarke half asleep under the covers. Lexa smiled at Clarke and got in bed beside her.

“Rough day?” Lexa whispered.

Clarke only nodded in response.

“Okay, have a good night.” Lexa kissed her cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

The next day, Clarke got out of bed before Lexa. Her shift at the hospital would start early and she couldn’t be late. She wrote a note to Lexa and left it on the kitchen counter.

Two hours later, Lexa got her mug to make some coffee and found Clarke’s note.

_“Good morning, Lex. I’ll be home a little late, you can order pizza or something else you want. See you later :)”_

Lexa knew Clarke would be really tired after her shift so she would try to get her appointments done and get home before Clarke.

Lexa went with her day, had some meetings, talked to some co-workers, worked on the small piece she was designing and went home hours later, after buying some sandwiches to take home.

She sat on the couch after showering and 40 minutes later, Clarke arrived home, looking exhausted. She dropped her keys and bag on the table and looked at Lexa.

“I might pass out of exhaustion.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” She stood up from the couch and walked towards Clarke. “Go shower, I’ll get our food and after eating, you can rest.”

Clarke nodded and left the living room. Lexa took the sandwiches and some orange juice, sitting at the table waiting for Clarke.

Clarke came from the hallway and sat with Lexa.

“How was the surgery?” Lexa asked.

“Oh, it went well. It took me a little more time than usual but it was a success.”

“Good then. Do you like the sandwich? I decided to get something healthier, we haven’t been eating well.”

“It’s okay, I like it.”

Clarke was so tired that she could barely talk. Lexa’s phone buzzed and she took it. She looked at the screen and gave it a little smile at the text.

“Who is it?” Clarke asked.

“Oh, no one. Just someone from work.” Lexa shrugged.

Clarke stared at her but Lexa didn’t notice.

“I’m going to bed.” Clarke stood up and headed to her room.

She felt like Lexa was keeping something from her but she wouldn’t push Lexa now. She was too tired for that and she hoped Lexa would talk to her soon, whatever it was.

 

 

 

 

Clarke woke up the next day because of some noises in the kitchen. After using the bathroom, she found Lexa.

“Morning. Are you leaving for work?” She pecked Lexa’s lips.

“In a couple minutes, yes.”

“I have the day off. I’ll cook for us tonight, don’t be late.” Clarke winked.

“I won’t!”

Lexa left the apartment. Clarke drank some juice and went back to bed. It was too early to be up during her day off.

She woke up again and it was a little past noon. She changed her clothes and drove to the grocery store. She picked up some ingredients and some other stuff she needed. She stopped somewhere to have lunch and then she headed home.

It was about 5pm when she started dinner. They usually had dinner at 6-ish and since she was home today, she would cook for them. She didn’t want to cook anything fancy, she just wanted to cook something both of them would like.

Less than an hour later, dinner was cooked but Lexa still wasn’t home. Clarke decided to shower while she waited for Lexa. Even though she stayed home all day, she still felt tired. Still, Lexa wasn’t home so she decided to watch some TV to distract herself.

It was 7:40pm when Lexa finally arrived home. Clarke’s mood didn’t exist anymore. She had already eaten and just left Lexa’s food on the table. Clarke was watching some TV show.

“Babe, I’m so sorry I’m late.” Lexa said, shutting the door.

Clarke shot Lexa her death glare and turned her head to the TV once again.

Lexa walked towards the kitchen and stopped.

“Did you eat already?”

“Yes.” Clarke answered, dryly.

“I thought you were going to wait for me.”

“It’s almost 8pm, Lexa. We have dinner at 6-ish.”

“Oh, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Where were you?”

“I was with a… client.” Lexa answered from the kitchen.

Clarke said nothing, only rolled her eyes. Lexa was hiding something, she knew it. She got her phone and texted Raven.

 **Clarke** : something is wrong with Lexa

 **Clarke:** I think she’s hiding something from me

It didn’t take long to get a reply.

 **Raven** : have you asked her what’s going on?

 **Raven:** btw why do you think she’s hiding something?

Clarke typed furiously on her phone.

 **Clarke:** one day she had a late meeting with someone

 **Clarke:** then I saw her smiling at her phone

 **Clarke:** and now she got home almost two hours late for dinner

 **Raven:** did you ask her where she was?

 **Clarke:** yeah, she said she was with a client

 **Raven:** well, it seems a little odd but I don’t know

 **Raven:** you need to talk to her

 **Clarke:** I already know what I’m gonna do

 **Clarke:** I’ll talk to you later, thanks Rae

 

Clarke got up from the couch and turned the TV off. She headed to her room without saying a word. She changed her clothes to pajamas and got in bed. She was going to find out what was wrong with Lexa as soon as possible.

 

 

 

 

Lexa finished her meal and cleaned the dishes. She walked to her room, where Clarke was reading something on her phone. She grabbed a towel and got in the shower. It didn’t take her long before she was in the room again.

“How was your day?” She asked Clarke.

“Uneventful. Yours?”

“Tiring. I missed you.” Lexa said, leaning in to kiss Clarke’s cheek.

“Yeah.” Clarke shrugged.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked, confused. “Is it because I got late? I’m really sorry.”

“I just have a headache.” Clarke lied.

“Oh, do you want an aspirin?”

“No, thank you. I just need to sleep.”

“Okay.” Lexa nodded. It was a bit early but she understood Clarke’s reason.

 

 

 

 

Couple days later, Lexa was still acting a little weird so Clarke decided to get this over with. She was going to confront Lexa about it, they both were home after dinner. Clarke was in the living room while Lexa as in their room.

Clarke got up from the couch, determined to go talk to Lexa but before she could start walking, Lexa entered the living room.

“Clarke, I need to go out. Another meeting with a client but I won’t take long.” She gave Clarke a quick peck on the lips and headed out.

Clarke wasted no time, she grabbed her bag and her keys and left the apartment too. She got in her car just in time to see Lexa turning a corner. She drove about 10 minutes and then Lexa finally parked her car. Clarke parked her car too, a little distant from Lexa’s and waited. Lexa exited her car and walked to a café. Clarke waited couple minutes and left her car. She walked towards the café and slowed her pace down once she was getting closer.

She saw through the window that Lexa was seated at a table in a corner, a woman in front of her. The woman seemed older than Lexa, but still, she looked really good. She had really nice earrings and bracelets, anyone could see them from a distance. She had dark hair and bright blue eyes. Suddenly, the woman placed her hand on top of Lexa’s and gave it a small squeeze.

Clarke saw red.

She couldn’t believe Lexa was cheating on her again. After everything she went through, Lexa still cheated on her. She ran to her car and drove home. She was so angry and disappointed, she shouldn’t even be driving. Fortunately, she got home safe. And furious.

She took a glass of water and started sipping it. She didn’t want to believe what she saw, she knew she had to calm down and think about what she was going to do. When she was done with her water, instead of placing the glass on the counter, she threw it to the wall in the living room, shattering the glass in a million pieces.

 

 

Twenty minutes later, Lexa arrived home. Her eyes widened as soon as she noticed the glass on the floor. Clarke wasn’t in the living room or in the kitchen. Lexa headed to their room, but Clarke wasn’t there either, so she just left her bag in the room and walked to Clarke’s studio.

“Hey, what happ-” Clarke cut her off.

“HOW COULD YOU?”  Clarke yelled. “I TRUSTED YOU!”

“What are you talking about?” Lexa asked, confused.

“Do you think I am stupid? You’ve been acting all weird lately, so I followed you when you left the apartment earlier.” Lexa’s eyes widened. “Yes, I did that. And I saw you.”

“No, Clarke, that’s not wh-” Cut off again.

“DO NOT LIE TO ME, LEXA. I SAW YOU!” Clarke started crying. “I had a feeling, I KNEW you’d cheat on me again. I shouldn’t have trusted you, I was so stupid.” Clarke was sobbing.

“You need to listen to me.” Lexa said.

“No, I don’t. I’m not enough for you. I’ll never be. I always loved you way more than you loved me. But wait, do you still?” Clarke paused for a second, dramatically, not letting Lexa answer. “No, you don’t. Because you don’t cheat on people you love, Lexa. Like I never cheated on you. Because I FUCKING LOVE YOU.”

Clarke slid her back on the wall and sat on the floor, still sobbing. Lexa shook her head and left the room. Clarke cried even more after that, it just confirmed what Clarke just said. Lexa doesn’t love her anymore.

They had been together for so long, since they were kids. Dating for more than 10 years and now, it was all over. She didn’t know she could get so heartbroken again but here she was, with her heart in a million pieces.

Clarke stood up again and leaned on the wall. What was she going to do now? Before she could think about anything else, Lexa entered the room again. Clarke turned around to face her. Blue eyes met green. And then Lexa kneeled.

What kind of joke was that?

“I know I made a huge mistake, I’ll never forgive myself for that. I don’t expect you to forgive me either. But I will try to show you that you’re the one and only in my life, until my very last day. I don’t think I could have been any worse than I was to you, you didn’t deserve that. But I love you, Clarke. I love the way you laugh. Every time I see you smiling, I ask myself why you’re still with me. You inspire me, you give me a reason to wake up every day. I won’t ever be able to explain how much I love you.”

Lexa sighed and looked in Clarke’s eyes again.

“I’ve been waiting about two years for this. I made up my mind long ago.” Lexa said. “My only problem was that I couldn’t find anything that suited you enough. For the past month, I’ve been meeting with Margot, a jewelry designer. She helped me with my original design, improving it.” Lexa opened the little box in her hand. “It doesn’t look really different from a classic ring, but I designed it, with Margot’s help. The way she shaped the three little diamonds is what makes the difference. I choose three stones because it symbolizes three things in our relationship. First of all, our friendship, of course. The second, our love. Now, the third one is supposed to symbolize our family, so it’s only up to you now.” Lexa took a deep breath. “Clarke Griffin, will you make me the happiest woman alive and marry me?”

Clarke was shocked. She had been crying silently the whole time. She was so furious because she thought Lexa was cheating on her, but now, she was only confused. She was already thinking about how she would do, who would move out of the house and all that. Now she only had to decide what to answer.

“No.” Clarke said, serious. Lexa swallowed and tears fell down her cheeks. “You can’t be the happiest woman alive, Lexa. This place is mine.” Clarke smiled and grabbed Lexa’s hand, pulling her up for a kiss.

Lexa relaxed and kissed her back. The kiss was passionate and tender at the same time. Lexa pulled back and looked in Clarke’s eyes.

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a ‘Hell, yes’!” Clarke smiled, happy tears rolling down her cheeks.

Lexa took Clarke’s hand and put the ring on her finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go and we are finally done!  
> Let me know what you think.  
> Also, if you wanna check out my video talking about my 10 favorite clexa fanfics, here's the link:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTct6iLZ3_c
> 
> If you wanna say something, find me on Twitter! @lexasbitch  
> See ya!


	33. It was always you, now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter. It isn't long but I think it's enough.  
> Thank you for those who followed this story during these 33 chapters. Thank you for all of you who didn't give up on me and trusted me. I certainly have plans to write another Clexa story but it might take a little while because I want to get the whole story done before posting.  
> Once again, thanks to Sixtine.  
> Enjoy!

Five years passed since Lexa proposed to Clarke. They got married a year later, both of them with white dresses. Lexa couldn’t hold her tears back when she finally saw how beautiful Clarke was. Clarke was amazed about Lexa too.

For their honeymoon, they decided to make a tour in Europe, the first destination was Paris, the city of love. They also went to London, Berlin, Rome and Dublin.

They bought a nice house in the city, with 3 bedrooms and a big yard.

Octavia and Lincoln were married and had a baby boy, called Matt. Anya and Raven were engaged. Abby and Jake were eager to be grandparents but Clarke told them to chill out about the idea a bit.

Every day, Clarke and Lexa got to know more about each other. They had time to discover themselves. They had time to share their love, to be vulnerable and taken care of. They had time to talk about everything, and remember everything. Time to go out like young teenagers. Time to be in love.

Time was all they needed. And now, they had it.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on, Lexa! You can do it.” Clarke told her wife.

“No… I can’t.” Lexa panted.

“Come on, baby! Push!” Clarke encouraged her, as she held Lexa’s hand.

Clarke thought Lexa would break her hand because of how tight she was holding it. Lexa was all sweaty, pushing as hard as she could.

“Clarke…” Lexa murmured.

“Yes, baby?”

“I’m so tired… I can’t…” Lexa started.

“Just one or two pushes and you’ll be done, my love.”

A tear ran down Lexa’s cheek but she nodded and pushed one more time. Three pushes later and they heard it. A loud but soft cry.

Clarke looked at Lexa and saw that her expression softened. She had the biggest smile and the happiest tears in the world. She looked so genuine and seemed so relieved. Lexa looked at Clarke and smiled at her. Her grip on Clarke’s hand had loosened, she pulled the hand towards her mouth and kissed it. Clarke felt tears rolling down her cheeks. It was the most beautiful moment of her life.

The nurses brought the baby boy to Lexa, who hold him on her chest.

“How are you going to call this little boy?” The nurse asked.

Lexa simply looked at Clarke, who nodded at her.

“His name is Aden.” Lexa looked at the nurse and smiled.

Clarke watched Lexa, who couldn’t hide her smile. She was breast-feeding Aden, feeling the happiest woman alive. Again.

And so was Clarke, she had no words to describe what she was experiencing. The look in Lexa’s eyes was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was pure love, love for their son.

Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa’s temple.

“You did it, he’s here.” She whispered. “Thank you so much.”

“For what?”

“For making me the happiest woman alive. For letting me experience all this, with so much love. I love you, Lexa.”

“I love you, too, Clarke.”

 

 

 

 

Clarke took Lexa and Aden home the same night. Lexa was exhausted but so happy with Aden in her arms. She was seated on bed just admiring Aden’s tiny face. Clarke watched them and minutes later, she noticed Lexa was crying silently, but it didn’t seem happy tears.

“Hey.” She got up and sat in front of Lexa. “What’s wrong?” Clarke cupped Lexa’s cheek, who leaned on her palm.

“I heard my mom talking about having grandchildren in the future when I was a kid. She would be so happy.” Lexa cried. “But she won’t ever experience being a grandmother.”

“I’m so sorry, Lex. She’d be so proud of you.” Clarke embraced Lexa with Aden in her arms.

“I wish she could see him.” Lexa sighed.

“Maybe she is. From somewhere.”

Lexa nodded and closed her eyes. Clarke backed up and squeezed Lexa’s shoulder.

“You should go rest, you’re really tired.”

Lexa nodded and handed Aden to Clarke. She kissed his head and put him to bed. She got in bed with Lexa and spooned her.

“I love you, Lex.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

“I want to carry the next baby.”

“Aden is not one day old and you already want another one?” Lexa teased.

“Yes, I do. I’ve never seen such a beautiful moment in my life.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s neck.

“Well, be my guest. Although beautiful, giving birth is really tiring. And I want another baby, too.”

“Good.” Clarke smiled.

“Good night, Aden. I love you.” Lexa whispered.

 

 

 

 

With time, they saw how much Aden looked like Clarke. He had blue eyes and blonde hair. Of course it was because Lexa carried Clarke’s fertilized egg. They always had plan to do it like this, so the other who didn’t give birth wouldn’t feel less of a parent.

Almost four years later, they were all at Octavia’s house celebrating Lincoln’s birthday. Aden was playing with Matt but suddenly, he ran towards his mothers.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Clarke asked.

“Yes, mommy.”

“What is it then?” Lexa asked

“When will you buy me a sibling?”

Clarke laughed and Lexa put him on her lap.

“We can’t ‘buy’ a sibling for you, buddy. People are not for sale.”

“Then, how do we get one?”

“You don’t have to worry about it now, let mommy and I think about it.”

“Oh, okay. Can I have another cookie?”

“Sure!”

He ran towards the table with food and disappeared. Lexa looked at Clarke and smirked.

“Do you wanna make a baby?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Lexa. You know how biology works.”

“Yes, but we could always try.” Lexa smirked.

 

 

Later that day, Clarke was carrying a sleepy Aden to his room. She covered her son and kissed his forehead. She found Lexa in their room, wearing nothing but her underwear.

“Did you forget to put your pajamas on?” Clarke asked, removing her shirt.

“No.” Lexa simply said.

Before Clarke could turn around to look at her, she felt Lexa’s hand turning her so she could give Clarke a kiss.

“We have a baby to make, Clarke.” Lexa smirked.

“Dork.” Clarke laughed.

 

 

“Lexa?” Clarke called from the living room.

“Yes, babe?”

“I want to talk to you.” She said as she rocked their newborn.

“What about?”

“Sit down, I’ll just put her in the crib.”

Clarke walked to her room and put Luna to bed. Luna was the opposite of Aden, she looked a lot like Lexa, brown hair and green eyes. Clarke walked back to the living room and sat on Lexa’s lap, who wrapped her arms around Clarke.

“Remember when we had that fight right before you proposed?” Lexa nodded. “I said that I couldn’t trust you and you said you didn’t expect me to forgive you. But you gave me everything I could ever want. You proved me everything you promised. You gave me a family.”

“I didn’t do it by myself, Clarke. Our children are ours, not only mine.”

“I know, Lexa. But I’m so happy you’re the one who I shared these moments with.”

“Me too, my love.”

“I wanted to talk to you because I want to make sure you know that I forgave you. You’re forgiven.”

Lexa nodded. “Thanks for letting me know. I love you.”

“But you also have to know that I was right about one thing that night.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa.

“I love you way more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know so many of you read every story and dont leave a review, and it's okay. But it would warm my heart to hear what you think of the story, please let me know what you think.  
> I got to learn so many things during this time, not only improving my English but also so many other things.  
> Thank you, I'll see you soon! 
> 
> ps.: when I started writing the first chapter, I was listening to This Summer's Gonna Hurt Like a Motherfucker and now, as you probably saw the chapter's title, I'm listening to It Was Always You. Thanks, Maroon 5.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Please, leave a review. It will help me to improve my work. I also like suggestions, they are always welcomed.
> 
> I would like to say a big thanks to my fellow friends from LDF. Thanks for helping me when I needed and for giving me a shot!
> 
> You can find me on Twitter: @lexasbitch  
> And Tumblr: indoprahogwarts
> 
> Till next week!


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